@richrf,
S9,
You seem to be tripping in a singularity where you are the center and trying to absorb everything around you.
I would have to read more of your thinking in order to make any further observations.
I understand that you are enjoying an ability to perceive some of the mysteries around you in ways that others are not yet able, but perceiving and actually being able to discern them is two different things. Before you can understand the truth of these things that you are trying to grasp, you need to make certain that your mind is open to their revelation and not burdened by your desperate desire to claim them for your own definitions.
These truths cannot be assigned their realities, their realities must be recognized. One become vulnerable to misinterpretation as soon as one closes the door to their revelations.
This is what I meant about always being prepared to discover that the truth we think we have discovered is false and learn the truth of our mistake. As soon as we believe we think we know the truth we have failed to recognize it. We must keep that door open at all times so that if we are wrong, and the truth presents itself, we will be able to receive it and learn of our mistake. But when we conclude that we have discovered the truth and close that door, if we are wrong and the truth presents itself, we will never know because that door will not be open to us.
We must be like the scientist in his lab working on an experiment. We may do that test a thousand times and always come up with the same result. But if we come to a conclusion and on the one thousand and one, attempt we get a different result, how would we have known the truth if we had stopped at the thousandth attempt. Exceptional scientists are keen to never draw conclusions. They will make calculated observations and suggest the odds of their findings being accurate, but they do not close their minds to the next attempt bringing a new revelation.
These are the scientists that discover the truths that their less open minded brethren fail to reach.
We must look further, always further. Looking inward is great for concentrating and focusing your mind to open it to revelations, but the revelations are found out there. Not within us.
Meditation and introspection should be for focus and concentration on the revelation of the truths that exist around us.
This spirit that you speak of is just reality, creation, the result of the First Cause which began everything. Within it are found many truths but they are not revealed easily. The mind must be evolved to a certain degree to be able to discern many higher truths. Introspection and inner focus helps us to tune the mind and clear our thinking. It helps us to reach the consciousness that bears our life force, where we can access the evolved wisdom and logic ability to help us grasp these higher truths.
I think what you are experiencing is a strong ability to focus on your consciousness, but because of your desire to contain that as some sort of inner self, you diminish its ability and fail to wrap your hands around the truths that it is trying to reveal to you.
Your consciousness is desperately trying to allow you to access its storage, but you are too caught up in the enjoyment of your inner awareness of the real world around you to take hold of what the consciousness has to reveal to you. This is normal by the way, it is like the excitement of the child in the toy store for the first time. They are enamored by all of the toys and so excited that they cannot focus on any one of them.
I think that if you could slow down and deliberately shut out the 'event of realizing creation', you would be able to focus more exactly on the life force within you to draw from its faunt, tap its resources, and discover what it is trying to reveal to you.