@richrf,
TT Man,
It is a good idea to carry around a little notebook with you, on which to jot down your ideas. Sometimes these ideas are not fully formed, when we catch them on the wing. But these very same ideas can easily develop later, with the help of our notes, rather than be lost to us. : ^ )
I read a book on creativity some years back, in which I was surprised by just how many creative people do jot things down in a little notebook as you have. Some people even keep a notebook and pencil beside their bed in order to write down what is discovered by them during their dreams. Some of this turns out to be very good stuff, even personal breakthroughs
Funny story:
A guy kept getting all of these great ideas when he was stoned out of his mind. But later on, he would forget these profound ideas altogether. So finally he decided to jot one down while he was stoned and read it later. Which he did, feeling very proud of himself for thinking of it.
The next day when he was in a more normal state of mind, he grab his note to read it, all excited to see what it had to say.
It said, “There is a strange smell in the room.” ; ^ )
(Maybe you've heard this one. It is an oldy but goody.)
It seems to me that you are drawn to understand enlightenment, and yet at the same time don’t feel that you can be trusting in this area. But actually the only one you need to trust is you.
The whole idea of desperation may make you uncomfortable. Perhaps this is because you associate control with intelligence, and you would like to believe that you are intelligent.
Let me just say one thing, intelligence doesn’t need to be harsh, it can be playful. If you are in fact intelligent, no one can take this from you.
And from what I have seen, you certainly, without a doubt, are intelligent.
If I were you, I would save these little notes and read them occasional just for the fun of it, and to see what they may reveal to you over time.
Subjectivity9
