@xris,
xris said:
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I was a i thought for many ears a devout christian with a regular attempts at asking gods guidance and illumination..i then realised my desire for a benevolent god was an act of desire rather than the truth.
I think there's a very fine line between an 'act of desire' and an 'act of truth'. IMHO, the essence is in the nature of the desire. Is it a desire for personal satisfaction or a desire to understand the will of God for your life?
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now i have been a christian for 35 years and an agnostic for nearly as long..now dont you think its time for my lightning bolt ??
If you're asking me to explain God's will for you, I cannot do so. I have a personal relationship with God but it only extends to myself and God. What God wills and desires for other people is completely beyond me.
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are you special i ask you again why do the majority of people who ask never even receive an aknowledgement but you get the works :perplexed:
Absolutely no offense is intended, however, you sound bitter that I recieved the depth of spiritual awakening that I did while you feel you have not recieved as much. Yes?
If so, allow me to say that I have searched for reason and truth for over 20 years. I feel that God only revealed itself to me when my heart was ready to accept God's will for my life.
Even now, though I have had a spiritual awakening, I still struggle with doing as God wants me to do (as opposed to what my
self wants).
Xris, if you're open to my suggestion, I'd say to continue to ask God for guidance and wisdom. Be humble before God. I believe that if you earnestly seek out God, God will reveal itself.
Something else to consider is this: in my case, I was a staunch atheist who completely did not believe in God in any capcity. You are an agnostic which leads me to believe that you have
some capacity to believe in God. So when I had my "revelation" (to use your words), it was quite spectacular because I was going from '0-60' in one second. For you, it may not be as much because you already partially, at least, beleive in the possiblity of the divine.
Also, let me relate something to you. Just this past weekend, I was at a fundraiser event and had an opportunity to speak with someone about God.
I DO NOT prosletize in ANY capacity; the subject merely came up in discussion. I shared my story and remarked that I felt the presence of God all around me. The person I was with said, "I believe in God, but do not feel God around me like you do; I wish I did."
I elaborated this: I feel the presence of God in other people, in the rain, in the wind, in friendship and compassion. I suggested that perhaps this person was (to modify a line from a CW song) 'looking for God in all the wrong places'. -- In other words, instead of conceptualizing God as some being who exists as, perhaps, an old man (as many religious models teach), it's possible to conceptualize God as the essence of altrusim, the elements, the 'spirit' of friendship, hope, etc.
Perhaps, you, Xris, are looking for God to appear in a religious-based conceptualization and not seeing God in other forms? -- I could be wrong and don't mean to put words in your mouth, but I feel that God can make it's presence known in a variety of ways.
Hope this helps in some way.