Originally Posted by sometime sun
I would say stop pretending, it is so.
Knowing it is so actually takes away the fear.
My routines are already geared by knowing this.
I would get together any money i have spare and hand out fivers to people i pass on my final walk.
I would eat fish and chips for lunch and order Chinese for dinner.
Would you want to die under the sky or under your roof?
The only reason i would choose my roof is that i could play the loudest music known by any man.
mister kitten;160641 wrote:
1. Why is it so? What makes today our last day? "Our days are never coming back..." -soad
2. How does it take away fear? Fear of death? Fear of fears?
Life without fear is what kind of life?
3. Are they routines for before you're dead, or are they dead routines?
4. Would you talk to any of those people? Do you have any lessons for them?
5. Chinese food:Glasses:
6. I would prefer to be on my roof. Shouting poems at the heavens, and doing rain dances with birds or bears.
7. Quality in the last day?
Or all our last days?
We can't remember our first days. I can't at least.
1. Today is the last 6th May 2010 you will ever have, make the most of it, be as happy as you can handle, it is not coming back for you to do something different with it.
It is not just the day that is dead, itis your day that is dead and gone.
2. Knowing it is your last day means you dont need to worry about the future as much, if at all.
Accepting and even antiscipating death is not easy but once you know it cant get any worse you are strangely liberated.
Hell is not the worst punishment, lif eis.
It should take away all fears but this is not so, because the problem with those in life who are actually not scared of death (Maybe dying but not death) become terrified of living, they do not wish to have to go through what they went through to no longer fear being deceased.
This fearlessness i have has come at a great price, it has come at the price of my life.
So although i am not ultimately afraid of death i am in fact terrified of living.
But i am getting braver, which may in turn bring back the fear of death?
3. 'Dead routines' i like this, would like to hear you expand on it before i answered, but if i am getting you right, truthfully i have no routine that is not expected to be my last, not worshipped as my last, not always remembered they are my last machinations, but i have nothing to expect or to prepare as it has alll already ALL been done. I have done everything i can to save my life and still find that i have absolutely no power over it. Once you accept you are powerless you find the power of finality of consolidation of account expired even of nothingness. I am not afraid of the great nothing either.
Nothing is only ever going to be nothing, what the beef?
Death is going to happen, and i truely believe that when my time is at up that this is the will of God,
and you cant hide and why would you from God.
To have TRUE faith is to no longer doubt death, that is all fear is, is doubt.
People will deny that they doubt death but this is what everyone does, they doubt death.
They do not know what is coming, they do not know what is happening, they do not know why.
It is un-natural to not fear and doubt death.
Does this mean i think i am un-natural?
Yes it does.
(possibly the only supernatural but more than likely just un-natural)
I have been through every imaginable death and i have a fecundant imagination. I used to worship death heavily, now i have lost the worship and fear because i have TRUE faith the likes of which even most clergy cant or should not try to imagine.
Pain goes away with death, or it is only just beginning, but why truly fear something you are POWERLESS to avoid is now beyond me.
You should only fear your own mistakes in life because to fear someone elses is pointless because you will never have control over fate or some one elses design.
Probably one of the reasons i now-a-days find it so hard to cry is that i think i have shed all the tears i need for myself.
Greif and tears is just feeling sorry for yourself and being selfish.
Which of course i believe we must form time to time be but i dont rate my pain above that of any others, now if i were to feel pain for something else whether this is selfish is another matter?
And why i hide form people so much is that i am in terror of causing anything other than myself pain.
I am so used to self infliction that pain is a foriegn thing to me.
And the reason i hide and am re-asurred away from life in death is that i am still terrified of other people causing me pain,
unless they are there to end it.
So to answer (again) you transcend routine, you understand and fully realise and recognise,
'There is NOTHING that can ever be done',
(which also means that although you are not afraid of the tremors of death you cannot ever be prepared for it either, it only happens once to you and you never get a test run, it will for everyone be a wholely unique and the only individual experience)
but until i fianly go to rest or finaly go to work i will find new things to do always expecting them to lead to my sleep.
When i go to sleep at night although i do not think about it all the time i never really expect to wake up,
i am ready and am compelled to have to get up sometimes, i set my alarm, but never really expect to be woken by it.
How could i ever expect something different that is not my fate and the ultimate will of God?
I accept my biological fate, i have cast all my spells conserning death i have done in life everything i can to be ready, everything, the table is well and truly set, it always has been and always will be.
I got into trouble in my life when i thought i could predict it and escape from it, now i just accept it is part of my nature,
so be done with it when it is done.
Be done with it when it is done.
I know it is there and will probably be a little surprised when it does come, i may even fight it but this i have also come to accept is natural, the body will still fight for air even if the person has jumped off the bridge into the river.
Life at all costs is a natural reflex.
And nothing to be ashamed of.
It is completely natural and forgivable to fight death.
Even as i said if you were not pushed off that bridge.
But if i am ever given the morning to remember or warned it is my last day i will come to accept it readily and maybe a little to quickly and no need to rush around. I know this because this has happened to me on more than one occasion, i dressed in a shirt i had been saving and went out and bought a bottle of vodka and abandoned my diet by buying biscuits and a couple of chocolate bars.
The point is, although i was convinced this would be the day, i did not stay inside and hide from it, by the end of that morning i had already decided not to bother drinking the spirit and took a shower instead.
Still thoroughly expecting it in the afternoon or night.
(These days are few and far between now, mainly because i am ready and dont really care enough to get frantic)
I suppose you could say i am a little if not a lot apathetic toward sdeath.
Honestly you can never be ready to not fight it but you can have such a routine of thought that it at least is face-able.
That you are able in the face of it to show yourself and the life you once had and did not do enough with some small amount of respect and decorum.
There is also something to be said for fighting death and surviving and this is the will of God but i will leave that till later.
I suppose the point i am trying to make is i am so scared of living i am a little relieved when i think death is knocking on my door.
All i believe is that it will not be done by my hand.
I may not be afraid of death but i sure as hell dont welcome it,
especially now i have a little bit of respect and desire for living, more and more these days.
It is not my choice it is Gods,
believe that and you can believe anything,
I gave up MY 'right' to death the day i gave it to God.
And then realised He had it all along.
4. Nope just a fiver and a smile and maybe a snog if i get lucky.
Just the lesson it is nice and good in life to give to others.
And hopefully they will recognise it is actually essential.
5. Yes Chinese is my favourite food and i love food so why not treat myself to the last taste of sweet and savory i am ever going to have in this life.
Last meal if you will.
6. Already done what you described, God and i will be writting and shouting the best soon enough.
It goes so quickly.
7. Quality in the all last days, just try your best, that is quality, quality is comfortable.
Being your best actually feels 'right'.
---------- Post added 05-06-2010 at 03:34 AM ----------
I just re-realised that to doubt and fear death means you are wholely human.
Jesus Christ had his moment of doubt and pain which made Him truly the Son of Man, Son of humanity, Son of God.
He had to experience these things to be truly wholely human.
Truly sacrifice something.
And this makes me wonder IF my claims are indeed truth and not delusion that this fearlessness makes me in-human, not human?
Perhaps one of those times i was in peril of death i really did die.?
Maybe i lost my humanity?
Maybe this is why i cant cry, maybe my soul is already with God and this body and mind and function is all that is left?
Can a mind function without a soul?
(i Know i still have my soul, but it is fun to wonder)