Depression...oh...depression!

@Bonaventurian,

Bonaventurian;68997 wrote:

Complete and abject failure. That's me. I feel positively bummed. The girl I like said that kissing me (both with respect to the act that she permitted and with respect to the way she felt doing it) was like kissing a relative (she's kissed me twice).

She's been sending me such mixed messages, basically saying "B, I want to be alone with you," and then "B, you suck at dating."

Of course, this is just the most recent nail driven into the coffin of my soul this night. Earlier, I angered her intending to do what I thought was good. She had requested that I not divulge a piece of information about her, and when it was guessed (and I affirmed) this piece of information -for her own safety,- she got really angry at me.

One moment, you're holding a girl's hand and kissing her (albeit barely). The next, she is angry at you and saying that kissing you is like kissing a relative...and by the way, she's barely let you kiss her at all!

I. Need. A. Drink.

I think Schopenhauer was right when he said that the will is the cause of suffering, lol. You need to kiss her like you mean it. Give her a really intimate kiss, not one of those long tap kisses.

@Bonaventurian,

Bo, I think the answer she may have been hoping for when she said
"you kiss me like a relative"
was

'does that mean you want me to be your relative?'
(as in get married)

just guessing -
girls like to be proposed to - frequently

@Bonaventurian,

Bonaventurian;69010 wrote:

She knows that I like her very strongly.

"Practice makes perfect." Try practicing more indifference towards her. At the same time practice kissing...someone else...even if you have to pay for it. When she comes around because of your indifference, she be ready for your big surprise. Then, you can be depressed because you can't get rid of her.

@Bonaventurian,

Being rejected isnt something to worry about at all, your going to get rejected and your probably going to get rejected quite frequently. A lot of it is a number's game, though as you get more experienced, one should hope that the proportion of rejections to positive results should improve if not your probably doing something wrong. It's wrong to get tied up on one person, a lot of people have thing's to offer. Go look for other people, it's highly unrealistic to expect the first person you go out with or show interest in, to perfect or even want to go out with you. Kissing is something that came rather naturally too me once I actually got up the courage to go for it, so I dont have any advice that I can give you.

@Bonaventurian,

I would not take Ahhhz's advice.
Pay for it?
Man, do you think shooting fish in a barrel is going to help you become a better fly-fisherman?

@Poseidon,

Poseidon;70722 wrote:

I would not take Ahhhz's advice.
Pay for it?
Man, do you think shooting fish in a barrel is going to help you become a better fly-fisherman?

No. I think fly-fishing in different bodies of water will make one a better fly-fisherman.

@Bonaventurian,

If you are paying for it, its shooting fish in a barrel

@Poseidon,

Poseidon;70734 wrote:

If you are paying for it, its shooting fish in a barrel

The "pay for it" remark was totally facetious...not serious. Just to make the point: Get practice with someone who is experienced, doesn't mind teaching, and doesn't necessarily take it too seriously. To extend your fishing analogy (possibly beyond its carrying capacity), learn to fly-fish starting in a very well stocked pond or lake. Lighten up.

@Poseidon,

Poseidon;70698 wrote:

Bo, I think the answer she may have been hoping for when she said
"you kiss me like a relative"
was

'does that mean you want me to be your relative?'
(as in get married)

just guessing -
girls like to be proposed to - frequently

I'm not sure how things are in Africa(not sure which country you are from, that would certainly make a difference), but in the U.S., it would generally be inadvisable to propose to a girl you haven't dated for a very long period of time. I think that that might freak her out a bit:D.

@Zetetic11235,

Yeah, proposing is a terrible idea.

@sarathustrah,

Depression is self influenced. You make yourself feel that way, misery is uncontrollable.

@Paggos,

Paggos;73121 wrote:

Depression is self influenced. You make yourself feel that way, misery is uncontrollable.

Are you saying that there are no external causes of depression and misery? If so, then I would disagree.

@hue-man,

hue-man;73380 wrote:

Are you saying that there are no external causes of depression and misery? If so, then I would disagree.

Only depression. There can be influences that add to it, but you have the ultimate decision to give in.

@Paggos,

Paggos;73487 wrote:

you have the ultimate decision to give in.

I hate to ask, but do you have an evidence basis for this belief? Because most people who have it within their power to not "give in" would never be given that diagnosis at all.

@Aedes,

Am I reading this right?

An individual being depressed is the result of internal influences only, and has nothing to do with environment, has absolutely no external influences?

To save myself the effort of typing out a long and sad scenario, I'll just ask a question: have you seen the movie Reign Over Me? You know, Adam Sandler's family is killed in the 9-11 attacks and he falls into deep depression, is saved by an old friend who gets him treatment for depression?

@Bonaventurian,

Feeling sad and bereaved is natural.

Being unable to extricate one's self from this is maladaptive. Some people do get through it in time. But some people simply can't. In fact some people are so mired in it that they don't even have insight as to what's wrong with them.

I happen to have admitted three suicide attempts to the hospital in the last few days -- how can we have faith in people's uniform ability to self-extract from depression if they're willing to die from it?

@Bonaventurian,

I think it depends from how we see depression. What happens in the world defines our mood, but the way in wich it defines our mood depends from the "lens" we see the world with. We can see the world in different ways wich will affect us in diferent ways. However, I believe the less natural the distorssion you aply, more distant from the "real world" you become... sometimes I wonder if people with depression are really sad, or have just gotten very distant...

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Depression...oh...depression!

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