Depression...oh...depression!

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Reply Sat 13 Jun, 2009 11:48 pm
Complete and abject failure. That's me. I feel positively bummed. The girl I like said that kissing me (both with respect to the act that she permitted and with respect to the way she felt doing it) was like kissing a relative (she's kissed me twice).

She's been sending me such mixed messages, basically saying "B, I want to be alone with you," and then "B, you suck at dating."

Of course, this is just the most recent nail driven into the coffin of my soul this night. Earlier, I angered her intending to do what I thought was good. She had requested that I not divulge a piece of information about her, and when it was guessed (and I affirmed) this piece of information -for her own safety,- she got really angry at me.

One moment, you're holding a girl's hand and kissing her (albeit barely). The next, she is angry at you and saying that kissing you is like kissing a relative...and by the way, she's barely let you kiss her at all!

I. Need. A. Drink. Sad
 
Theaetetus
 
Reply Sat 13 Jun, 2009 11:59 pm
@Bonaventurian,
Bonaventurian;68997 wrote:
The girl I like said that kissing me (both with respect to the act that she permitted and with respect to the way she felt doing it) was like kissing a relative (she's kissed me twice).


Now that is a sweet nothing that you want a girl to tell you.
 
Bonaventurian
 
Reply Sun 14 Jun, 2009 12:01 am
@Bonaventurian,
Yeah. Sad Sweet nothings...
 
GoshisDead
 
Reply Sun 14 Jun, 2009 12:04 am
@Bonaventurian,
Maybe she's from a place where kissing relatives is encouraged.
 
Bonaventurian
 
Reply Sun 14 Jun, 2009 12:05 am
@Bonaventurian,
That's just the thing. She -barely- kissed me.

Also, we're both from the South. :p
 
sarathustrah
 
Reply Sun 14 Jun, 2009 12:05 am
@Bonaventurian,
awe...

the psychology of any given girl... the tests youll get put through... the unreachable expectations... the game of drama... the thrill of push and pull...

be patient. and dont pursue TOO much... and never stop flattering. no matter how many times we say youre lying and exaggerating Razz its just a test to prove the validity! Razz

the relative thing... i have no in depth knowing of the whole situation... but if anything doesnt that mean shes suggesting that she cares about you on a higher level... id bet shes just insecure about something
 
Bonaventurian
 
Reply Sun 14 Jun, 2009 12:06 am
@sarathustrah,
sarathustrah;69007 wrote:
awe...

the psychology of any given girl... the tests youll get put through... the unreachable expectations... the game of drama... the thrill of push and pull...

be patient. and dont pursue TOO much... and never stop flattering. no matter how many times we say youre lying and exaggerating Razz its just a test to prove the validity! Razz

the relative thing... i have no in depth knowing of the whole situation... but if anything doesnt that mean shes suggesting that she cares about you on a higher level... id bet shes just insecure about something


She refuses to kiss me in more than in a "cursory" manner.
 
sarathustrah
 
Reply Sun 14 Jun, 2009 12:07 am
@Bonaventurian,
hmm or maybe your just not passionate enough? hard to imagine
 
Bonaventurian
 
Reply Sun 14 Jun, 2009 12:08 am
@sarathustrah,
sarathustrah;69009 wrote:
hmm or maybe your just not passionate enough? hard to imagine


She knows that I like her very strongly.
 
sarathustrah
 
Reply Sun 14 Jun, 2009 12:10 am
@Bonaventurian,
because you said it or wrote it in a letter? or cause you make her laugh and know just the right thing to say at the right time... or cause you got her a card for no good reason... or drew her a picture... i mean its hard to say amonb different girls but it has to be through action and not... hey.. um... i like you. you like me?
find her strings and pluck them gently.
 
Bonaventurian
 
Reply Sun 14 Jun, 2009 12:11 am
@sarathustrah,
sarathustrah;69011 wrote:
because you said it or wrote it in a letter? or cause you make her laugh and know just the right thing to say at the right time... or cause you got her a card for no good reason... or drew her a picture... i mean its hard to say amonb different girls but it has to be through action and not... hey.. um... i like you. you like me?
find her strings and pluck them gently.


Yes. Through actions.
 
sarathustrah
 
Reply Sun 14 Jun, 2009 12:12 am
@Bonaventurian,
well its so hard to assume... you must know the source of her insecurity... why the restraint?
 
Bonaventurian
 
Reply Sun 14 Jun, 2009 12:14 am
@Bonaventurian,
I have no idea. She claims not to like me in that way. I am not sure I believe her, though. Gimme through tomorrow or so. I'm writing a facebook note about this mess, and I'll copy/paste it later.
 
Victor Eremita
 
Reply Sun 14 Jun, 2009 12:43 am
@Bonaventurian,
Ouch. Sucks. This sucks worse than finding out she has a boyfriend. Ah. Still blows.
 
sarathustrah
 
Reply Sun 14 Jun, 2009 12:47 am
@Victor Eremita,
Victor Eremita;69028 wrote:
Ouch. Sucks. This sucks worse than finding out she has a boyfriend. Ah. Still blows.


ahhh you know what... thats a good theory... well im still assuming and all lol but maybe she already has a separate person shes pursuing.

lol ok no more til i read your post
 
Victor Eremita
 
Reply Sun 14 Jun, 2009 12:51 am
@Bonaventurian,
It's a damn good theory. If she has a boyfriend, there's nothing you could've done, except possibly dithering in asking her out. But if she says you suck at kissing, that really blows, because its a reflection on you.
 
Bonaventurian
 
Reply Sun 14 Jun, 2009 09:45 am
@Bonaventurian,
I decided against making the Facebook post since it occurred to me that doing so might be highly contrary to my own interests (she uses facebook also, and I have her friended on there). But I'll give y'all the skinny anyways.

I met the girl about a month ago, maybe a month and a half. We met online via OkCupid. By my count, last night was our 7th "date." I put "date" in scarequotes because I am not sure if it was or not, or if they were or not.

In any case, she's sending me all sorts of mixed messages.

"We shouldn't go back to my place because we'll have no privacy there." This tells me that she wants privacy with me, and probably likes me. "B, you should really rewatch the movie 'Hitch,' and pay careful attention to the reason Will Smith gets into that line of work," and then she clarifies that I come on too strong, have a tendency to be obnoxious...and something else which I forget.

She seems to enjoy holding my hand, and even said that she tried reaching for it last night in the comedy club thing we went to (but apparently wasn't successful in so doing). We even hold each other's hands with the fingers locked. Yet, for some reason, she refuses to kiss me in any way but a cursory fashion, and says that the feelings it evokes in her are no different from kissing a relative.

She seems to like talking to me, and it certainly seems as though she really likes hanging out with me...I don't know.

What makes it so hard is that she has told me that she has problems with relationships for a number of reasons, that she has a low sexual drive, that she's not particularly kissy, that she isn't particularly high-contact (she doesn't like cuddling that much and whatnot).

So I am not sure whether the problems I am experiencing with her arise from a genuine lack of interest in me...or if they are par for the course for this girl, and she is actually interested in me, despite her claims otherwise.
 
Khethil
 
Reply Sun 14 Jun, 2009 09:57 am
@sarathustrah,
... to the extent that this helps, I'd like to offer this:

In my own life I've found, often, that the longer I dwell on the pain of my loneliness, separation or misery, the more it starts to feed on itself. There comes a point where it's downright healthy to halt my fixation on my own losses - paint a loser, see a loser.

For no particular reasons; two quotes come to mind:

Shakespeare's 29th Sonnet: [INDENT] "When in disgrace with Fortune and men's eyes,
I all alone beweep my outcast state,
And trouble deaf heaven with my bootless cries,
And look upon myself and curse my fate,
Wishing me like to one more rich in hope,
Featured like him, like him with friends possess'd,
Desiring this man's art, and that man's scope,
With what I most enjoy contented least."

[/INDENT]And this; although written from a woman's perspective, the sentiment is - I think - nonetheless very valuable and pertinent to what you've expressed:

"Comes the Dawn" - Author unknown[INDENT]"After a while you learn the subtle difference
between holding a hand and chaining a soul.
And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning
and company isn't security.
(Kisses aren't contracts and presents aren't promises.)

After awhile you begin to accept your defeats
with your head up and your eyes open,
with the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child.
And you learn to build your roads on today
because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain
and the inevitable has a way of crumbling in mid-flight.

After a while you learn that even sunshine burns
if you stand too long in one place.

So, you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul
instead of waiting for someone else to bring you flowers.
And you learn you really can endure,
that you really do have worth.
You learn that with every good-bye comes the dawn.
"
[/INDENT]Hoping this contributes positively...
 
Holiday20310401
 
Reply Sun 14 Jun, 2009 10:46 am
@Khethil,
Bo, the fact that she wants to have some privacy with you might indicate she is embarrassed to be around you, but she wants to get to know you.

I doubt that her wanting to be alone with you means that she has another boyfriend.
 
Dave Allen
 
Reply Sun 14 Jun, 2009 11:17 am
@Bonaventurian,
Learn to play the following on the Ukelele:

YouTube - Bonzo Dog Doo Dah Band - Canyons Of Your Mind (1968)
And the birds are yours!
 
 

 
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