Annoyance: Am I unattractive?

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Reply Sat 3 Jan, 2009 04:05 pm
Ok, I want opinions, peoplez. I am 20 years old and have yet to have a girlfriend. Am I unattractive? I want honest opinions hyuh.

http://i383.photobucket.com/albums/oo274/Bonaventurian/1347418389587006002.jpg
 
Didymos Thomas
 
Reply Sat 3 Jan, 2009 04:31 pm
@Bonaventurian,
You might want to try smiling a little more often.
 
Bonaventurian
 
Reply Sat 3 Jan, 2009 04:35 pm
@Bonaventurian,
Yeah, I'm getting that a lot. But like, my actual bodily features (height, weight, facial features, etc)...? Am I inherintly unattractive?
 
Didymos Thomas
 
Reply Sat 3 Jan, 2009 04:56 pm
@Bonaventurian,
Oh, absolutely not. I'm not going to lie to you - you're not model material, but inherently unattractive? Heck no.

Chin up, man. Attitude. Positive thinking. Believe me, you're far from the only 20 year old who has never had a girlfriend. You'd be surprised how many others are in the same boat.
 
Petrovich phil
 
Reply Sat 3 Jan, 2009 05:08 pm
@Bonaventurian,
you are what you believe you are.

from my experience, women love a confident man, it really doesn't matter what you look like to them if you have a brilliant personality. those ones that do only look at looks, aren't worth having more than a one night stand with, trust me. but your looks should matter to you, if you believe you're too fat or are not open minded or confident, work on those characteristics. when you can look in the mirror and think 'i'm damn good looking and sexy' and mean it, you'll have your confidence, and this will inevitably lead to some good company. remember that when you're at a kickback or party, never make your goal for the night to get with a girl or get numbers, sure it'd be nice, but you're there to have a good time with friends. at the end of the night, if you had fun, it was a successful night, and you'll be happy, and this'll make you more confident in the kickback/party environment, which like i said, most girls like. never let yourself get in a situation where you'd be upset just because of something a girl said. you are your own force, if some girls think you're ugly but you think you're a genuinely attractive person then screw them. i'm not saying you shouldn't change for a girl, but make sure it's a girl that's worth changing for, like a girl that you believe loves you. the more you're around girls, the more you'll understand about how to make them happy. if a girl i like is happy, it makes me happy, so i'll usually try to make her happy, and she realizes it. there's a lot more to it but i hope that helps. any specific questions?
 
Poseidon
 
Reply Sat 3 Jan, 2009 05:11 pm
@Bonaventurian,
Getting a girlfreind is actually all about platonic affection.
I'm pretty sure that you have turned down girls that you do not find attractive. (Fat, ugly, annoying laugh, etc...)

Give a bit.

Go out with girls you don't really like. See how many ugly girls you can get chasing after you by flattering them. You gain confidence, and other more attractive girls will start to say, 'hey, I'm hotter than her, how come he is with her and not me.'

What makes a person physically attractive is personality. You look at the attractive people in the media when they are feeling good about themselves. Every person has an attractive face and an unattractive face. Look at Charlize Theron in 'Monster'. And then look at her on the latest magazine cover. Chunder and cheese.

What you need to do is tap into your inner 'attractive self', by simply being the stud amongst the hens. Then, as you grow in confidence, you can move up onto the chicks.

Its Eddie Murphy who said 'The more ... you get, the more ... you get; the less ... you get, the less ... you get'.

or if that doesn't work,
try growing a beard.
 
schloopfeng
 
Reply Sat 3 Jan, 2009 05:15 pm
@Bonaventurian,
Definative no here ....you are in no way ugly ....perhaps this may sound harsh but its not intended to be ...the only thing ugly about you is your perception of yourself, if you can change this & truly believe it then the knock on effects will trickle through your whole being, how you present yourself to others will be more positive & confident & their responses will in turn make you feel more positive & so on.
From what I have encountered in life so far is that negative influences tend to spiral & self pipetuate, breaking any negative cycle is tough but the thing to focus on in life is that all personal negative cycles MUST be broken without causing disruption or negativity elswhere, if not you will join the many people who shuffle through life in misery & lets face it you are worth more than that.
Enjoy life ....you may not know what life is yet ....might as well enjoy finding out ....
TTFN
 
Catchabula
 
Reply Sat 3 Jan, 2009 05:21 pm
@Didymos Thomas,
Do you want to know if you're attractive or do you want a gf? One should try to know oneself and be clear about ones motives. Meanwhile, I can tell you for sure whether you're attractive or not, but that'll cost you quite some bucks. You'll have to excuse me but I just cannot judge about these matters without some beluga or foie-gras in my stomach. Get me some and I'll help you choose between Yes and No. Do we have a deal? :bigsmile:
 
Holiday20310401
 
Reply Sat 3 Jan, 2009 06:09 pm
@Catchabula,
Catchabula wrote:
Do you want to know if you're attractive or do you want a gf?


Because it makes a huuuge difference.:rolleyes:!
 
Vasska
 
Reply Sat 3 Jan, 2009 08:25 pm
@Holiday20310401,
Asking for the forums opinion about whether or not you are attractive is seeking for negative attention just for the sake of it. You're expecting the adult members to tell you it's all right like many do, and the less mature to give in to your demand and say you're ugly.

I can say like all others it's gonna be fine with making nice comments about you're not being the only one and other nice comments but you're only going to glance over them and look for the negative one's. I know you do, because we all do once we entered the "I'm not, I can't ..." cycle.

You're dealing with social pressure; you're friends are somewhat easier in the market and have girlfriends, you see people with girlfriends daily, all mainstream movies and songs are about love or at least have hints of male female interaction in it. It makes you feel inadequate having no girlfriend and feeling loved in *that* way.

And to be honest relationships are complex and can take on all kinds of forms during larger extends of time and in between different people. A relationship won't change your situation for the better and make everything OK again.

Let's say you go out tomorrow and meet a nice girl and start dating. It solves your problem of not having a girlfriend and some more things we all know; but you will still wallow in the puddle of I'm not attractive; and drag your girlfriend with you. Depending on her what the outcome of the relationship will be.

You're looking at yourself in the mirror and see they the "you" you don't like and keep comparing to Tom Cruise, Matt Damon and more importantly the media's way of how people should look. It goes for many people, mainly female, but males are getting there.

On the photo you provided you look like you want to attack the person who took the photograph. I'm sure you've got better pictures; we hate and love our looks from time to time. We all find ourselves hearing our own voice from time to time and asking "do I really sounds like that" secretly wanting to kill yourself for sounding like that. We all find that photo to be hideous, while everybody thinks its just fine.

So don't post these kind of topics around and go wallow but turn off your computer and all other electronic gadgets you might have. Wipe your desk clean, grab several pieces of paper and write down everything you hate about you, everything you like about you, everything you want to be, want to learn, want to acquire etc. Decide which items you want to work one; do one at a time, otherwise you'll get lost. Don't hang around those selfhelp forums and blog and books; they'll only make you procastinate if you don't know how work with them. If you do; DO THE EXCERCISES period, end of discussion.

Again. Sit down, you alone! and think about it, write down everything and decide what to do. This might take months and even years but then again; you can't change overnight. The payoff however can be great. If you don't like your looks; get a new look; if you don't like your hair; get a new haircut; if you don't like your habits, unlearn them. If you are uncertain talking to girls; start socializing more with your classmates and friends and make new connections with other people you are comfortable with; the experience will come with it; and the next time you see a cute girl you're not so afraid to talk to her.

Last time. Sit down, think about everything, select your goals and achieve them. Repeat the cycle till you're dead.

If you have trouble keeping motivated; start a blog, blog daily, seek a mentor, do whatever feels good and helps you get motivated.

I'm like you, 19 and while having had a girlfriend at age 15 and 16 it doesn't make much difference. I don't look like you but have some of the same characteristics you display in your post and picture. I'm sharing this with you and the world as what I found to be true. Take it or leave it.
 
Catchabula
 
Reply Sat 3 Jan, 2009 10:35 pm
@Vasska,
Was just discussing this thread with a (male) friend. He observed that the matter could be approached very practically. If somebody around here would stand op and say: "I'm a woman, and I never said it because it's unimportant and irrelevant in this environment, but now I want to give my personal opinion. I think this guy is ug-ly, butt uggg-ly! This may not be a very rational approach but that's how women are, and mind I'm a woman". Wouldn't that answer the question quite a bit? Wouldn't that be relevant for the starter of the thread? Btw, Catcha has cup B ;-)
 
nameless
 
Reply Sun 4 Jan, 2009 03:01 am
@Bonaventurian,
What a great opportunity to grow a life rather than an added appendage that can't swim and is constantly hungry! Grow a life, my friend, and you'll have a life to share with whoever you do.

Ok. Sit down, relax, and remember, it's allright!
No! Don't read the rest of this post yet!
I gotta ask, though, do you like guns? Swords? The Washington momument? Football? Check out a bit of the old internet gay porn then immediately after delete your 'history'? You're a cute lil chubby bear, dude, and... and... well... (you didn't read to the end yet, did you?) I guess someone's gotta say it;
[SIZE="5"]GAY!!![/SIZE]

If you need some verification, may i recommend experimenting at a nearby truck stop or hiway rest area and see if some old 'papa bear' just takes you for a 'ride' in his truck...
Do you know what a 'glory-hole' is?

All kidding aside for a moment, I'm serious.
Be who you are, and if 'they' can't take a joke, 'fcuk em!
Twenty is the age where you are just getting your feet wet in the waters of life. Your brain doesn't even finish forming till your about thirty! Learn to swim a bit before taking on passengers (if you have any 'choice'); especially 'passengers' as 'sharp' as women!!!

Don't let pressures to fit in and be like 'the rest of the herd' make you sell your soul. You are a unique 'actor' with your own 'script' and 'timing'. When the time is right, there he/she will be! Or not...
 
rambo phil
 
Reply Sun 4 Jan, 2009 03:49 am
@Bonaventurian,
Very simple..... Just don't care what the general population thinks. It's ALL personality. I'm A LOT "uglier" than you are but the reason girls like me is because of my personality. Go about things logically and with a sense of humor and you'll be ok.
 
proV
 
Reply Sun 4 Jan, 2009 06:18 am
@nameless,
nameless wrote:
Learn to swim a bit before taking on passengers...

Now that's a nice quote.. Smile
 
bundo
 
Reply Sun 4 Jan, 2009 03:54 pm
@Bonaventurian,
seriously a smile would help:D
 
nameless
 
Reply Sun 4 Jan, 2009 07:29 pm
@bundo,
bundo;40751 wrote:
seriously a smile would help:D

Unless you are going 'goth'...
 
withawhy
 
Reply Mon 5 Jan, 2009 02:25 am
@Bonaventurian,
Girls are looking for a guy they can enjoy life with. To see someone who doesnt smile is an indicator that they probably arent going to have a lot of fun in life. Practice smiling, practice laughing. If you dont smile or laugh with your friends, find new ones. If you can make a girl smile she'll be interested. If you can make her laugh, she's yours.

You've got a dark look. Girls do like mysterious. If you throw little hints of wit, a joke, amiable sarcasm, self deprecating humor, a human side, youll get the girl interested. If you sense interest, wait a day or two, do the same thing. Wait. Repeat. Talk more. Say hi when you see her.

So... is there a girl of interest?
 
manored
 
Reply Mon 5 Jan, 2009 10:36 am
@Bonaventurian,
Everbody in this thread has got a different aproach to the problem you presented, wich probally means you should trust neither and seek your own Smile

Off course following my advice in this case would be kind of paradoxial Smile

Regardeless of the way you chose to face the problem, dont chose one that makes you fell depressed, sadness is the only true indicator of that we are doing something wrong in life Smile
 
Fido
 
Reply Tue 6 Jan, 2009 04:31 pm
@Bonaventurian,
Ask the boys... They hit on me long before the girls did, and I started to believe I had a prayer of getting over being a kid...But that is not really the problem, and I hope you know it... If you got a good head, there is a chance you will earn enough money to support a relationship... Usually people figure out how to have sex long before they realize what they are actually sharing, and what a treasure is human intimacy... It takes a long time to cure men of being *******s, and since I have never been completely cured at 55; I don't know what it might take... Trust me... The object is not to find a girl... There are more girls than boys... The problem is having something to offer, a good personality, ability to relate, honor, a good education, mental and physical health, money in the bank; on and on...
 
Deftil
 
Reply Tue 6 Jan, 2009 09:11 pm
@Bonaventurian,
Physical attractiveness is just one aspect of attractiveness. There are others and they are quite important. Ugly people get involved with significant others all the time. Sometimes apparently physically unattractive people even end up getting involved with really hot people. You have to work what you have, take care of yourself, and be fun to be around. Word on the streets is "chicks dig confidence." So try to be confident and not needy.

good luck.

P.S. - Girlfriends can be a REAL pain in the ass. Are you sure you really want one? I'm just sayin.... =)
 
 

 
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