We were taught not to value or trust our personal feelings and intuition, or even basic logic, which made it all the more difficult to break away.
Exactly - we suspended our critical thinking and rationalization skills. I remember thinking about even the 10 commandments, not lusting after your neighbor, no adultry, etc. And so many other verses that didn't add up with Berg's loose sexual doctrines. But I thought I was missing something and wasn't understanding things right - it was always that something was wrong with ME. I was the problem. I wanted so badly to talk to someone about it, but there was no one, certainly not my ex who would have locked me in a room for sharing those type of doubts. I was so full of fear. Berg had his doctrine of the All Things Tree - remember that one? I couldn't understand it and didn't know how that equaled his one wife doctrine, FFing, etc.
I do remember one time when several of us in a home got pink eye and had to be quarantined. We all went into this room for like a week and had our meals brought to us, etc. So all of us women and children started talking, particularly the women amongst us. There were so many things that were bothering us and with no shepherds or leaders looking over our shoulders, it all started coming out and we talked and talked and talked. As soon as we got out of the that room, one of the families up and left the next day. So, you see, not having anyone else to talk to, having to speak only what is allowed, keeps one pretty much in the F. mentality clenches. As soon as that door is lifted, amazing things start to happen.
Don't worry, Jack, about being angry. You have every right to be. With people like Jay, I don't have much patience either. In fact, soon after I mentally left TF, quit tithing, denounced Berg, really got my wits together, I met some TRF supporters I knew around town. I wanted so badly to take them and shake them by the shoulders and scream at them - what are you doing? Quit following that moron and throwing your money away. They eventually sent some of their teens back into F. homes. I was so angry, I could scream again. Then there was the TRF supporting F. members that we lived next door to for about 3 years. They actually made their kids eat pancakes for 3 wks, because they tithed on their Christmas gifts. That kind of stuff really makes me angry.