Please appreciate the new, abridged commandments which are more applicable to reality:
[b]1. Thou shalt not kill.[/b]
Ever. Even in the name of your religion. Don't even kill criminals. It brings up too much controversy and it's hard to judge the value of someone's life over their crimes. Besides, killing is rarely a nice thing.
[b]2. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.[/b]
This one is a new one. An exciting addition. Essentially, don't be a jackass. If everyone treated each other like they wanted to be treated, we'd just put all the sadistic people on one island where they would eventually consume themselves or become stronger and destroy those of us that like to be nice to each other.
[b]3. Thou shalt not steal.[/b]
Would you want someone to steal from you? No, probably not. So this goes along with the whole "don't be a jackass" thing. Besides, you could always just get a job.
[b]4. Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbour. [/b]
Now, that would be a pretty jackass thing to do now wouldn't it?
[b]5. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor anything that is thy neighbor's.[/b]
Seriously Jackass, Get a job!
This is really going nowhere. How about we start again.
[b]1. Thou shalt not kill.
2. Thou shalt not be a jackass.[/b]
I know The Two Commandments
doesn't have the same ring as ten but the acronym doesn't have to change and this saves buckets time and really covers all bases.
Think about it. I'm wouldn't put any gods before the Lord my God if I had one. He shouldn't be so insecure. I'll also try not to take his name in vain if he promises to do something special for me everyonce in a while, but we don't have to make it a "commandment." It sounds so cold and formal. As far as bowing down to graven images, you'd have to believe in a book for a really long time before upgrading to a statue.
Getting rid of the Sabbath seem so inefficient. Sure everyone needs rest, some more than others, but why shut down the whole community and waste a day? Why don't we just write up a schedule that works for everyone? Hell, we could even make it a 2 day thing if we plan it right. We don't need to make that a commandment either and calling a day holy is just creepy.
I would agree with honour thy father and mother, but my days are long enough as it is besides, they abandoned their duties as father and mother long ago. If they had my "don't be a jackass" commandment maybe we wouldn't be in this situation.
All the rest can combined in with "don't be a jackass" which rids us of the annoying repetitiveness that "thou shalt" is.
Look at how much I acheived and I didn't even have to fast or spend time up on mount Sinai. Now you'll excuse me while I go covet my neighbor's manservant.