While I wrestle with the question you've presented, I'll dare to offer one possibility that might not be at first considered. It may be that the mother was once attractive as her daughter is now, and seeing her daughter blossoming, so to speak, painfully highlights and reminds the mother of her passing (or long gone) youthfulness and attractivity (real word?).

Freud's Totem and Taboo describes tribal prohibitions of contact between mother-in-law and son-in-law to prevent this impulse from being realized in actual sexual relations. As disturbing as it might be to some, something is definitely there.

Edit: I'm puzzled at why someone would rate your thread a 1-star for seemingly no other reason that there is some social stigma against calling a not-yet-18-year-old girl sexually attractive (my guess at least).

I can see your point, but this did not seem the case here as the mother "barked" at the daughter indicating a jealously perhaps. What you are saying I think is normal when there is no father/husband in the picture. That would make all the sense and would cause that melancholy you describe. Though it would seem a little inappropriate still if their were a loving father/husband somewhere in the picture. Don't you think?

Put more emphasis on the word "provocative" and the daughters effort to attract attention or "flaunting" in full view of her mother. In my personal opinion the daughter knew no better as it was the obscenity of the mother for allowing it. There are those occasions in which intolerance is allowed and this should have been one of those in which a mother would have never allowed such a display to exist in the first place.

You could be right, but I would not like to think so. I think it is because there are many here who have not experience what it is to be a parent and are still viewing the world from a 'child's' viewpoint. I don't mean that in a condescending way, by no means. I think many are truly victims of this lack of one or both parents in their own upbringing. I think it is a much more serious problem that we think and why it goes un-noticed. IMO, it is much, much more important to be a guiding parent to the child, than being a patronizing friend as so many mothers are guilty of in regards to their daughters. In the case of what I witnessed the mother was a jealous adversary. Anyone who does associate a stigma such as what you mentioned, has never been a caring and loving parent and has no idea of what it means, IMO.

Now in summary is it possible that parents, inadvertently, are ignoring the repercussions of what could occur in their desire to fabricate a life they did not have, at the expense of their own children?
Help? William

Hi William

A very good question. The experience you had is somewhat similar to the experiences I had here in a relatively conservative society.

So I can relate to this situation. Parents, in the general sense are supposed to be caring, devoted, trustworthy people with whom the children will be most comfortable with.

Although this high expectation is the view of a moralistic society with a high value placed on it, but it more so, is a desire of the children than anyone else, though this desire is natural and the children themslevs may not be aware of such an desire/expectation in their subconscious level.

Now as far as i can gauge, the situation is not abnormal. The behaviour and mannerisms of individuals are dependent on their lifestyle, class, education, moral lessons, religious or ethical subservience etc in a nutshell - teachings and living styles.

As i try and visualize the picture you created, i see an interplay of all that human attributes that make up a character. Attributes like jealousy, self-advertisments, self-interest, ego, sexual impulses, etc. However, i would not conclude that the mother is ignoring any 'repercussions' on her child as a result of her actions. I see the opposite of what you inferred out of the situation.

It would not be wrong to say, that the mother may want the boyfriend to be around her girl for whatever reasons, and want to keep up that relationship. The motive of self-interest and self preservation is very much in play.

But if the above is ruled out, and instead, if the case is, as you described and inferred, than it would be very interesting pyschological study.
In which case, it would be very risky to evaluate the behaviour as the observation, i suppose was for a brief period of time - say a max of one hour. ???

.
The mother, and pardon me for my judgmental comment, was indeed no prize in the "attractive" department, not only in physical attributes but demeanor as well as I overheard her bark at her daughter to fetch an item she missed on her list. The daughter cheerfully replied and ran her errand. In the meantime the mother and the boyfriend were left alone and I noticed something I thought strange. The mother change right before my eyes from the barking mom to a most sparkling, smiling person as she began conversing with her daughter's boyfriend as it could be concluded she cared more for him that she did her daughter. Then it hit me. Damn, could this have anything to do with why so very many young girls are so very much more promiscuous because the mothers are living in a vicarious manner they never had at that age and never had such a good looking "catch"?

Vicarious living is a best available option for many people to relive the days of youth. I'm not surprised at all by the incident you've described.

Put more emphasis on the word "provocative" and the daughters effort to attract attention or "flaunting" in full view of her mother. In my personal opinion the daughter knew no better as it was the obscenity of the mother for allowing it. William

The young girl just wants her distracted mother's attention.

Hence the dress, hence the cheerful response at the barking of orders. And you said yourself the mother was fairly unaware of her daughter, being far to busy with the boyfriend.

This is not living vicariously, this is just parental neglect on one level or another.

Well, William, thanks for explaining your point of view. So you have ruled out the possibility I showed.
I gave you a possibility, because you had initially asked whether you could be wrong in your assumption. But it appears you are very confident of your perspective. So, let me take it at face value, as an exercise in social psychology. Lets leave out other matters and discuss this situation/scenario you described further.

Can you point out what exactly is the issue you want to take up. I take cue from the following conversations.
A) Is it regarding, provocative dressing?

B) Is it about, Vicarious living styles of parents? What is Vicarious living by the way.

C) Is it about Obscenity of the mother in question, for allowing the daughter to flaunt.

D) Is it about the missing-link thesis, i.e. parenting in a pair, is the best solution to your problem.

The scene did remind me of the Jane Austin classic, Pride and Prejudice. Thats where i may have got my bias. let me know.

I did not see outright jealously in William's narrative - but even if there is jealousy, the mother is not living vicariously through the daughter: let's recall the definition of the word -

Okay, but the daughter's dress is only one aspect to consider - there is also the response of the daughter to her mother's barking of orders. Taking these together, with William's description of the mother's lack of recognition of her daughter, they seem to suggest that the mother does not pay her daughter much attention and that the daughter would like to reverse that condition by whatever means are available.

As for the mother wanting to replace her daughter, I see no evidence of such a thing in the narrative provided.