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Chasing a Guy/Girl with a Girlfriend/Boyfriend

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I was just wondering about what people think of the philosophical elements around trying to get together with someone who is already in relationship. Is it true that all is fair in love and war, or should you respect the relationship? What if the person you like expresses interest, is it okay to try to steal them from other person?

@TranscendHumanit,

TranscendHumanit;149639 wrote:

I was just wondering about what people think of the philosophical elements around trying to get together with someone who is already in relationship. Is it true that all is fair in love and war, or should you respect the relationship? What if the person you like expresses interest, is it okay to try to steal them from other person?

No no and no! Don't instigate cheating in weak people. Don't make silly excuses to do it.

Have some self respect! :nonooo:

@HexHammer,

HexHammer;149640 wrote:

No no and no! Don't instigate cheating in weak people. Don't make silly excuses to do it.

Have some self respect! :nonooo:

I not talking about infidelity - I never do that. I mean like trying to outcompete them and get his business instead.

@TranscendHumanit,

Look at it like this. If you are trying to get with someone who is already in a relationship and it works. What is to say that they wouldn't just follow the next person who comes along and tries to do the same thing to your new relationship? If you place no value or worth on anyone elses relationship, why should anyone place any value or worth for yours? You should respect others relationships, then you maintain respect for your own.

@Krumple,

If they are battle to get, they are a war to keep.

@TranscendHumanit,

I guess I just need to find other guy. But I have hard time talking to guy (and usually then I talk about philosophy or politics, and it usually scares them away). And I never feel confident about my looks, it is very hard for me to show to guys that I am interested.

I very socially awkward.

@TranscendHumanit,

Don't mean to sound evil or immoral, but honestly if everyone is happy er... having each other, then what do things like honour, or dignity, or respect really matter?

Perhaps the reason why anyone would not want to em... "widen the relationship circle" is because they put value on the wrong things such as honour or dignity or pride. Or, if they are the right things, why? And why should they trump happiness?

@Holiday20310401,

Holiday20310401;149757 wrote:

Don't mean to sound evil or immoral, but honestly if everyone is happy er... having each other, then what do things like honour, or dignity, or respect really matter?

Perhaps the reason why anyone would not want to em... "widen the relationship circle" is because they put value on the wrong things such as honour or dignity or pride. Or, if they are the right things, why? And why should they trump happiness?

I agree with you - what I want more important than what anyone think 'right' or 'wrong'. But I also want to live my life so I will be good wife when I finally find man I love. Is the same reason I will always obey my husband - not because he has 'right' to command me, but because I not respect a man who would not expect this.

@Holiday20310401,

Holiday20310401;149757 wrote:

Don't mean to sound evil or immoral, but honestly if everyone is happy er... having each other, then what do things like honour, or dignity, or respect really matter?

Perhaps the reason why anyone would not want to em... "widen the relationship circle" is because they put value on the wrong things such as honour or dignity or pride. Or, if they are the right things, why? And why should they trump happiness?

What about if I want someone's shirt. If I am unhappy without that shirt, should anything else really matter?

Why should that person having the shirt trump my happiness?

I need to rip the shirt right off that person's torso! Laughing

@TranscendHumanit,

Don't do it. It is one of those simple rules of life. Put yourself in the other person's situation. Would you want your girl/boyfriend to do the same thing to you? To begin with, it really shows bad taste. If you like the person enough, you would be able to wait or find someone else. Otherwise, if the same thing happens to you that you did to someone else, you are just the f#cker that deserves what you get.

@Theaetetus,

Could be you're actually slightly attracted by the girlfriend/boyfriend. It adds a little spice to have that other person in the background or sort of between. Love triangles often have some element of bisexuality for at least one of the partners involved or maybe just daddy/mommy issues unresolved oedipal/electra complexes. Or maybe she/he's the one. You'll have to figure it out for yourself and decide for yourself what to do. I don't think there's any sacred law that will tell you what's right. You have to decide for yourself.

@TranscendHumanit,

TranscendHumanit;149639 wrote:

I was just wondering about what people think of the philosophical elements around trying to get together with someone who is already in relationship. Is it true that all is fair in love and war, or should you respect the relationship? What if the person you like expresses interest, is it okay to try to steal them from other person?

TH, if he expresses interest, why would you have to try and steal him?

Thanks,
William

@William,

If he's married I'd recommend strongly against it. The vows of marriage come pretty close to being sacred or at least it's something that the other woman will be able to hold over your head forever. If there is a line that should never be crossed that is probably it. You might also consider that other woman. Is she someone you have some level of respect for? Can her feelings really be dismissed or overruled by your own. If so, then there's another line (though a slightly more blurry line) you may not want to cross.

@TranscendHumanit,

TranscendHumanit;149644 wrote:

I not talking about infidelity - I never do that. I mean like trying to outcompete them and get his business instead.

I think you hit the nail on the head here. It's most often about the competition, about out competing someone else.
This kind of action is self seeking and is never a good idea. It is ,I think common among Americans at least.
It is a good idea to get to know ones self, things like this often sneak up on us. We may behave in this manner without ever knowing what is going on. It can sure screw up a life for a long time

@TranscendHumanit,

TranscendHumanit;149644 wrote:

I not talking about infidelity - I never do that. I mean like trying to outcompete them and get his business instead.

that's spoken from a very selfish perspective. Put youself in your competetors place, and see if you would like another to come conquor your loved one. I'm sure you would take that as a great offense.

Maybe worse, you would awake some psycotic part of you competetor, and he will come at you with guns, and ruin the rest of your life, for a silly selfish lovestory.

For my own part, I would never be so selfish to do that, only should it be out of vengance, as it's a terrible thing to do.

@TranscendHumanit,

This whole thread went a different way than I would have expected from this forum. I guess I'll go with the Lockean approach and say that the only things you have are the things you can control (in this case, the girlfriend or boyfriend is only committed to the other person for so long as that person meets all their needs and controls their affection). If they aren't meeting these needs, or you can meet them better, than the person in question is fair game.

Don't get bogged down in ethics, just like in a free market, if you are better for someone than their current match, then it is logical that you should be with that person.

I've never had a problem with guys trying to steal one of my girlfriends, if they can manage it, then obviously something isn't going right in my relationship.

@Theaetetus,

Quote:

What about if I want someone's shirt. If I am unhappy without that shirt, should anything else really matter?

Why should that person having the shirt trump my happiness?

I need to rip the shirt right off that person's torso!

If you really think it worth it, things considered, why not? I never care about what people think unless I care about those people. Myself only important thing in world.

Quote:

Would you want your girl/boyfriend to do the same thing to you?

If I make them happy, why would they?

@TranscendHumanit,

TranscendHumanit;149926 wrote:

If I make them happy, why would they?

? I may judge wrong here, but it sure sounds erotoman'ishly.

@HexHammer,

Whenever people say not to do something because it is selfish I laugh. Everything is selfish - my life is all about me.

Quote:

Could be you're actually slightly attracted by the girlfriend/boyfriend. It adds a little spice to have that other person in the background or sort of between. Love triangles often have some element of bisexuality for at least one of the partners involved or maybe just daddy/mommy issues unresolved oedipal/electra complexes. Or maybe she/he's the one. You'll have to figure it out for yourself and decide for yourself what to do. I don't think there's any sacred law that will tell you what's right. You have to decide for yourself.

I never think about that. But I do not think so.

@TranscendHumanit,

TranscendHumanit;149639 wrote:

I was just wondering about what people think of the philosophical elements around trying to get together with someone who is already in relationship. Is it true that all is fair in love and war, or should you respect the relationship? What if the person you like expresses interest, is it okay to try to steal them from other person?

I think you need to tell us more of what, exactly, the relationship is. Some people when dating have relationships such that there is no expectation of sexual fidelity. Or it might not be a serious, established relationship, so there may not be much of a relationship at all that we are discussing.

But let us suppose that it is an ordinary one in which there is such an expectation, and that it is firmly established. Let us suppose you are successful in getting this man to leave her for you. You now know what sort of man he is; he is willing to leave whoever he is with if he thinks someone better has come along. He may very well do the same with you later on. And even if he does not, you know absolutely that he is willing to if he sees someone who he thinks is better. Do you really want to be with such a man?

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