I'm merely Zachariah. I come from a mysterious background of unknowing. That is trailer courts and back alleys. I love Kahlil Gibran, Milton, Jesus, Nietsche, Camus, Oddyseus, White Tantra or Karezza or Amplexus Reservatus or Etc, the rock kissed by Muhammed, Muhammed himself(never read the Quran, The Hadith or spoke tradtion of Muhammed, Arnold Krumm Heller on the 7 chakras or churches, Athiest(silly guys), Agnostics(The great ignorant!). I don't love homosexuals and masturbaturs. This is a brief introduction, and now I have to go.

I don't masturbate; but I still lie about not masturbating... When my wife left she left me with a couple of polaroids of her shapely body to go with my hemeroids... What do think of hemeroids???I once had a roid as big as a honda 500... That's what it felt like too... I would run up stairs, and it was like having my heart squeezed between my cheeks, going bump bump bump, bump, bump...
I didn't have any insurance at the time, and the thing was huge and distracting, and I asked my wife to get an Ice pick red hot with a torch and stab the damned thing; but she said she would have to pass... So there I was with my butt to the mirror with a propane torch in one hand and a steak knife in the other with my head between my knees, thinking i am going to get that thing. But it saw it coming and started bobbing and weaving and said: I don't want to hurt you, and don't make me hurt you... I thought I stood a chance with that monster until it pulled a knife on me, and said this is my house and you're in my neighborhood now muffer fucker.. All I did was nick him, and I about hit the cieling... A few days later he bled out and moved on to a better location, i presume..

This is as good as Bukowski.

Whoa. I don't love hemorrhoids either, but in your case I'll put up with them.