I was in the Family

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Reply Sun 17 Jul, 2005 05:20 pm
I was in the Family
Hello, I used to be in the family, and have experienced, and saw these things you speak of, and the FBI is investigating. I would like to be of some help, but I DO NOT want to be in the puplic eye. I also DO NOT want to give names. I dont know if this will be of any help to the investigation, but I can definetly tell you these things happened. I remember one specific incident at around 5 years old being passed around to different rooms with older men. I know of the prostitution they call "flirty fishing". I have alot of anger and hate towards TF! Not only b/c they aloud all of these horrible things to go on, but that till this day they find nothing wrong with it. This has caused suicides, and if people havent actually commited suicide yet, it has definetly screwed up their lives. I know it has mine. There is not a day that passes that I dont think about my father coming into my bed when a little girl and molesting me. I blame him, and TF for this sick injustice that they make seem think is soooo loving and normal. If it is so normal, then why did I know at such a young age there was something very wrong with what was going on? Why did I cringe everytime I saw my door open at night? Some people in TF, or x members may be ashamed b/c it was the only life they knew, and they THOUGHT what was going on was normal, but just because some have been so brainwashed to beliveing it is ok, does NOT MAKE IT OK. My heart goes out to those who have carried this pain with them and are now re-living it to help the investigation. I know I have put it out of my mind, but when I came across the article in People Mag. about Ricky Rodriguez (Dovidito) I have had some kind of erge to finally speak of this sick act that has ruined sooooooooo many peoples lives. I am so disgusted when I look at TF website, and how they talk about what a loving and just cause they teach. What they teach is how to violate, and steal the only purity a child has. What pisses me off the most is that, they sit there with their smug holy smiles thinking THEY ARE THE ONE who are being mistreated, and the SYSTEM is screwed up. They are working for the Lord, they are doing what God thinks is right!!!!! If that is so right, then why did God create a MAN and a WOMAN??? He did not create two little kids that were supposed to fondle and molest eachother! This brings up so much anger and aggression towards the TF and cant stand. Especially after poor Ricky was not only molested since he was a BABY but they were sick enough to tell the world about it. He was molested for everyone to see and hear since he was a helpless baby. I can only imagine his heartache! I cry for him, and only hope he has finally found peace. I am willing to help out in anyway anyone seems is needed. However, this is really upseting me, and I dont want to cause any harm to my unborn child. I will be keeping in touch....................
Reply Sun 17 Jul, 2005 05:50 pm
I am so sorry
Dear Guest - thank you for speaking up. I want to personally apologize to you for all that happened to you and I want you to know that it was definitely wrong. I don't blame you for your feelings of anger, you deserve to have them.

If you want to talk more, I am listening as well as countless others.

Again, I'm so sorry for the injustices that happened to you. Sad
Reply Thu 28 Jul, 2005 07:31 am
so sorry
my heart goes to you, i cant only imagine how hurt you must feel, what they did to me doesnt compare to what they did to you, you were only a girl, im a mother of 5, the fathers of 4 of them were at the family, i was too, but not for too long. i was watchman de la mancha's wife, we got together when we were in Peru, we had a beautiful girl named Maria, everything was more or less ok till the day Corney and Shalom, the leaders by that time, asked watchman to go to Puerto Rico, he said yes but decided to bring me with him. the whole time we were in Puerto Rico they didnt want to see me and not only that but they decided that because Watchman and i were so much in love that was not good for the family. they took my passport, send watchman back to argentina and then send me to venezuela. i never received a letter from him although i know he wrote some. then, one day, he came to venezuela and i was the happiest woman in the world that day, it didnt last for too long. He took me apart and told me what was going on, while he was in argentina they got another sister for him, Katrina, and they started to live together, he was very much in love with her and just came to let me know, that was one of saddest day of my live, couldnt believe it and was not emotionally able to deal with it, so i called my mother and asked her to send me the tickets to go back to PR, i didnt tell anybody, took my baby and left. Started working as a secretary in a private company and i dont know how they found out where i was and my work's phone number. watchman called me one day, told me he was in PR and wanted to see the baby, i agree, he came and pick me up and took me to one of the colonies where he was staying, there he finished breaking my heart, he proposed for us to live together in the same house with Katrina, that way he would spend time we both of us, i said no, he said i was going to be the first but that when i didnt want to he can spend the night with Katrina, i said NO, there was no way i was going to do that, he went back to Katrina, never called to know how his daughter was doing or ask for pictures, it was like Maria didnt exist. Im very sorry of how he ended and at this day i still love him, no matter what, while we were together it was heaven on earth, there are a lot of other things but wanted to share this one first, feel free to write or e-mail me ([email protected]), when we shared our burdens they become more light and easier to carry them, God bless you, hope to hear from some of you and here you still have a sister, a friend, whatever you need, ileana
Reply Thu 11 Aug, 2005 09:13 pm
Hi again, since i wrote the last time i have been expecting hearing something from you, or someone else but the truth is that i havent. it would help so much to share our experiences while we in the family and how are we doing now. Please, if you find time you can spend, let me know about you, God bless you, ileana (ninive sunshine_[/b]
Reply Mon 22 Aug, 2005 07:37 pm
After my oldest daughter told me about the Rolling Stones article, I read it online and saw the xFamily website address therein. Since then I have perused the site and others with information pertaining to the COG. I am appalled, no ... horrifyed at the abuse so many have suffered at the hands of these most reprehensible individuals. Their acts are unconscionable.
I joined the COG in 1972 at 16 years of age and left in 1978. As many who have posted their tragic stories, I, too have my own. Like perhaps others among you, I have rarely spoken of that time because of the humiliation, heartbreak and confusion that always rises to the surface, an ugly reminder of what I had believed to be noble and good.
After reading Ileana's postings, I wanted to respond. Not knowing you (Ileana) personally does not diminish my hope of offering some consolation. I applaud your strength of character, for standing up for yourself and your daughter.
Reply Mon 22 Aug, 2005 11:12 pm
thanks so much
God bless you Rachel, you have no idea of how happy it made me to read what you said about me and see that you understand what a lot of us went through. I always try to see something good in a not so good situation, and in this case, i was blessed with the opportunity of love and be loved by a wonderful man, Watchman, had a beautiful girl, who looks just like him, and even more, i met so many extraordinary brothers and sisters that were there with sincere hearts and filled my life with so much love, i wish i could get in touch with them but, anyway, we are together in the spirit and all of them have a special place in my heart. Let me know about you, Rachel, you can feel that you have a new friend or better yet a sincere sister. God bless you and your family and i will be waiting to hear from you again, bye[/b]
Reply Tue 23 Aug, 2005 05:34 am
Dear Rachel (Guest)

You joined in '72 and left in '78. I joined in '72 and left in '79.

I know hopw hard it is to be up front about the past. Kinda hard at job interviews, "So what did you do between '72 and '79?"

" Oh yes, I was a member of an infamous child sex cult!"

Kinda doesn't gel too well with a prospective employer!
Reply Wed 24 Aug, 2005 11:26 am
It was so good to read your postings and know that you understand the difficulties many have faced in and out of the Family. When I left in 1978 with my two small children, I felt as though my life had crumbled before my eyes. My parents and brother helped me as far as plane tickets and having a place to land, but the disappointment and shame that I felt from them was almost as bad as when I was in the Family and the condemnation the Family had already leveled on me, considering me an "old bottle and weaker sister" because of my doubts, feelings of betrayal and resistance to the changes that were forthcoming, but that I found were unavoidable. Whether in or out of the Family, the rejection, suspicion and disgust was overwhelming as I was seen as a defiled woman, someone tainted, deluded and corrupted, my children products of an unholy union. We had, in essence, been exiled to a no man's land, without the possibility of pardon.

However, my children loved me despite my broken dreams and our poor circumstances. I don't think I would have survived without them. I knew they loved me and needed me, if no one else ever did. In time I learned those hard lessons in life and realized that I could let the injustice of it all destroy me and everyone I loved or I could be a bigger woman, strong, determined and resolute.

A few years ago I wrote a grown up's faery tale that reflects many of the ideas I have come to understand; the differences in people, good and bad alike; what we believe and embrace; the tragedies and triumphs in our lives and how we respond. It was a healing exercise for me. I am reminded of a few sentences that address my thoughts of that sad time..."Unwanted rememberances are cause for regret. Shame though, is not without consolation. The one redeeming aspect it provides, is how compelling its effect can be to engender in us the desire to strive. However, when its offer of pointed correction is despised or met with callous denial, the result is often ruinous to those in its wake."

I am very thankful to those of you who have set up this site and forum. I think of it as an on-line kind of therapy. Again, thank you.

Reply Sat 27 Aug, 2005 06:42 pm
Hi Rachel
Wow - what a sad story. I can't believe that people treated you that way when you left TF. But then again, things have changed since the 70s.

I am happy that you did get out WITH your children and without some idiotic F. mate who would have been a source of great trouble for you. This way at least, you were on your own and could get TF out of you completely and out of the lives of your children. I was always happy at least that my ex-husband didn't reside in the U.S. Otherwise, I knew he would have been breathing down my neck and causing us all sorts of discomfort as he did on the few occassions he happened back for some fund-raising excursion. Be glad that you were able to leave in 78 rather than 91 as was the case for me.

I am happy at least that I had a supportive mother. When she saw me get off the plane and that my youngest child had flaming red hair and didn't look anything like anybody else - she loudly proclaimed - "I don't care who the father is, that's my granddaughter and that's all that matters." She would always say that and everyone would shut up when she was around. Bless her heart - now she's gone, but I still appreciate all she did for us and how much she supported us.
Reply Mon 29 Aug, 2005 08:04 pm
Hi Acheick
It must have been a tremendous comfort to you at that time, for your mother to be there for you, on your side. You're so right, we have much to be grateful for.
When I read the Rolling Stones article and several other testimonies from former members such as Watchman and James Penn, I was struck to know the depths the Family leadership had stooped to in order to further their own selfish (perhaps sadistic is a more appropriate word) interests, regardless of the damage inflicted on their underlings and former members.
Although I never personally saw a child preyed upon sexually during my time '72-'78, I am not surprised considering the bizarre Scripture twisting taking place by the end of my "tour", and how weird and sexually focused life had become in the Family, with One Wife and FFing's implementation. My heart goes out to those children who have been so wronged. I wish I could offer them some kind of solace to help ease their hurt and help them heal.
Reply Wed 31 Aug, 2005 08:51 am
dont give up
We have to be so thankful to the Father that he helped us to get out of the so called family. I know its really hard to start all over but its not imposible. When the leaders separated me and Watchman they made me live with Benhadad, his real name is Bruce Ekis, he was a good person, but very COLD, we had three kids, the older has 28 and the twins, yes i have twins are 26 years old. Ben never wrote or called them, i think it was like 2 years ago that my sons decided to go and meet their father, after they saw him, and because Ben has problem showing love, my kids doesnt want to see him again, its not that they hate him, its that they dont feel anything for him and they just say that i knew how to be a mother and a father at the same time. Ben was married to Susana and they spent some time in Ecuador. They left the family and are now living in NC. So i was alone dealing with 4 kids, no help from their parents, but i did it, and we didnt have all we needed but one thing is for sure, they know they were loved and that they have it every single day. So, lets keep taking one step at a time, we are going to be able to survive the hell we lived on, God bless you, yo have a sister here for whatever or whenever you need me, ileana (ninive sunshine)
Reply Thu 1 Sep, 2005 07:46 pm
Re: Hi Acheick
I was struck to know the depths the Family leadership had stooped to in order to further their own selfish (perhaps sadistic is a more appropriate word) interests, regardless of the damage inflicted on their underlings and former members.

Rachel - I have felt for so long that TF and their robotic members are the most selfish people I have ever met, and so cleverly disguised as a loving, Christian group.

I think there were a lot of women who fled with their children and tried to make a normal life without the presence of a father. I would be curious to know how many women from TF had to do that.

Yes - my mom was a great source of comfort and between her and my hubby, I'm not sure how I would have fared without them.[/quote]
Reply Thu 1 Sep, 2005 07:51 pm
Re: dont give up
we didnt have all we needed but one thing is for sure, they know they were loved and that they have it every single day.
(ninive sunshine)[/quote]

Ninive - That is so true, making sure the children knew they were loved is the most important thing you ever did for your kids. I pity the children who had to leave on their own, without even one parent to show them they are loved. My heart aches for them all the time. I did write a poem for them, but I don't have it on this computer. I'll post it sometime soon.

Also, that was me above, posting as guest, i didn't know I wasn't logged in on this computer.

Thanks for your post, it's very encouraging.
Reply Thu 1 Sep, 2005 10:10 pm
Here's the poem
Questions to my parents

If only you were proud
Would it be too much to ask
To see
A shiny glow
From you
Chest puffed out
Eyes gleaming
Fulfilled in their mission

My offspring, you say
Brilliant, studious

I look to see
For eyes glistening in the darkness
But none appear
That know me
In that paternal bond

Nay, they are not there
I stop to ponder
Where have they gone?

Certificate in hand
The phone does not ring
A cheerful “congratulationsâ€
Reply Sun 4 Sep, 2005 02:38 pm
Acheick-The Void
Wow...what a sad poem. "I am still brought low With an emptiness with in my soul An abandonment no one should ever know Is mine, all too well known."

Have you written other poems?
Reply Mon 5 Sep, 2005 08:52 pm
Hi Rachel - yes, I write poetry from time to time. I actually started this poem when I was driving into town from where I live in the foothills. These thoughts started running in my head and I had to pull over to the side of the road and jot them down.

I was on my way to see my son sing a solo in church (BTW, after that, someone approached him and asked him to sing at their wedding) and I was thinking about how I try extra hard to be at their performances, their award ceremonies, or anything they are excelling in as a way of support. I feel like I'm covering for their absent father so I try harder. Then I was thinking about a very special SG I know (among many others) who has no real parents and her mother (still in TF) only calls her every couple of yeas, possibly to see if she's still on the outs of F. mentality or not. Otherwise, she doesn't care about her and I find that so incredibly sad. Yes, it's a very sad poem because I felt so sad for all of them.
Reply Thu 8 Sep, 2005 12:06 am
i was with the cog 30 years ago at this time in concord,california & have been reminising & have been quite shocked & saddened at what i've read over the internet of the hideous behavior. this never happened to my knowledge when i was with them & thankful for that. although am sad of the lasting affect this abuse has had on many people. the LORD knows & will hold accountable those who have harmed his children & their punishment will be great. i do know that in order to get on with our lives we need to forgive those who have harmed us(easy to say as i've not been abused) as the Lord Jesus Christ has forgiven me of my sin.i also hope these horrible experiences have not tainted anyones relationship with Christ as He is the one true healer & the way,truth & life & no one comes to the Father except though me. certainly david berg was greatly deceived by satan & deceived many people & is suffering in hell. may God bless you . i was peter fisherman
Reply Thu 8 Sep, 2005 03:47 pm
The abuses went on in the CoG, they were hidden and kept from the knowledge of the general membership.

However Berg's inner-circle were practicing these things!
Day 1
Reply Tue 13 Sep, 2005 09:19 am
Rampant rationalizations
Early on, the abuses that occured were hidden from the general CoG population, but even at that time the suggestion of sexual impropriety and abuse was evident in Mo Letters. It confounds me how we were able to rationalize away obvious discrepancies in the name of "faith." Some of us were taught the excuse, "elders were worthy of double honor" and of course there was the all encompassing "God's thoughts being higher than our thoughts" which would cover any morally questionable events our leaders engaged in. Despicable hypocrites, Berg and his ilk.
Reply Wed 14 Sep, 2005 04:35 pm
Rampant rationalizations
Ooh Yea, and How about, "Trust and Obey".

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