Guest,
Oops. That scenario didn't even cross my mind and would, of course, be problematic for some FM's. Have you got any suggestions, ideas or other comments about ex-fam reunions?

A few years back there were some gatherings held around the country. They were mostly attended by ex-members. NDN has some photo pages showing these fellowships:

http://newdaynews.com/Mainpages/recentfel.htm

Reunions


Hi Day - there were a few so-called reunions that I attended but they were for the most part a negative experience for me. Probably because currrent members were invited and it was a real downer to say the least. Geeze, even Gary (Paul Papers) was at 2 of them. My friend and I had to go outside because we were wanting to hurl. Some of them got together and started singing their incredibly sappy F. songs - ick, ick, ick. Then one of the current leaders asked my hubby if he and I still believe in "sharing." Aiy yai yai.

Sooooo...that was the end of that. I don't think I'd ever want to do it again. I suppose it might be good for some people who need to revisit their past which has proven to be a way of helping one to move on. I went back to a country where I suffered most of the abuse when I was in TF and it was a strange experience, but it was also a way for me to get closure. So, in that sense, you might get closure by having a get together with former members in your area.

Also, when I get together with some former members we usually end up laughing and joking about the stupid things in TF and the silly things they believe. I found this to be a healthy way of dealing with the trauma. Laughter is very healing. Even the other day I was visiting my adult son and daughter and they started reminiscing about F. songs and were singing something about Pandita Ramabi - then started laughing their heads off.

If I were you, I'd just be real careful as to whom you invite, there are people who have left, but have not really left the ideology or the feel good about TF and Berg mentality and even could be hangers on, and that could be problematic for you. It could be a potential for a lot of tension.

At one time, some of us were talking about a big camp out somewhere in the Rockies or the Colorado river where we could meet and it wouldn't cost an arm and a leg for housing. But it never developed.

Hi Acheick,
Yes, I think you're right about reunions having the potential to blow up in one's face. Personally, I have no inclination to get together with current TF members or their sympathizers for the same reasons you mentioned. It would be like two diametrically opposed groups trying to find some common ground that simply isn't there. Even our humanity divides us, because of TF's inhumanity.
And then again, the idea of segregation is equally unpalatable and archaic; an exclusive, private gathering where everyone says and thinks what is acceptable to the group as a whole, (one of TF's strategies).
It is a dilemma. To be able to rekindle lost friendships and participate in healthy interactions with people we grew up with would be ideal. I am hopeful though, but recognize that idealism only goes so far. Sometimes the past is better left there...in the past.

I would not want to meet with pro CoG/TF'ers at all, only those who are fully out!

It would be interesting to see if one could be arranged for next summer perhaps.

I attended and help organize some of the fellowships that were in the pictures at NDN.

It was a very difficult and draining process. It's not likely that I would try to organize something like that again, but I have attended some gatherings that others have organized, including the Memorial for Rick.

Part of the challenge is trying to figure out who can come, and who can't and how to put all of that out there without hurting a lot of feelings. We just decided to allow anyone who wanted to come to come.

Years later, I realize that it was a miracle that someone didn't get hurt.

It's nearly impossible to figure out who has bad history with someone else. The names in the group changed frequently, and even if you published a guest list in advance, it isn't a guarantee that there won't be problems. At Rick's Memorial, there was professional security company operating.

Oh yeah - Ricky's memorial...now that was a positive experience and the organizers did an incredible job. Actually, I was happy to see the security personnel present. No one in that crowd needed pro F. people coming around and causing a ruckus and that's what it would have been. Sorry, Day, but it's not really a matter of being open and mingling - I don't think you can compare it to that type of positive mentality - this is much more complicated. That memorial was incredible, it was a life-changing experience for me, I can hardly describe it. But it was mostly SGs and they were so sweet and needy and everyone had a sad story to tell but were still so positive. I saw many SGs I knew as little kids. I was just overwhelmed. My daughter still talks about doing it again as a reunion and not a memorial. They all had such a good time getting together and reminiscing. Who else can one talk about past memories with, especially SGs who have no past but TF past.

But the point is, if you do a reunion, check your invitation list carefully. As Indian Joe said, it was lucky no one got hurt. If I had been around when that Kana was asking my hubby if we were still into sharing, I probably would have beatched slapped her.

Wow. It is a sad commentary, but understandable, the need for security when both sides are present at gatherings.
Several years ago, my ex's wife and I spent a short time together, which was necessary because of the "blending" of our families. We talked briefly on one occasion about events in TF, our mutual experience specifically. I told her that, back then, I wanted to scratch her eyes out for what she had been a party to. She was accepting and even concurred with my portrayal of the incidents, as well as the overall depths TF had sunk to. Had either of us remained in TF, I'm sure the conversation would have turned out much differently. The fact that she was very much culpable for the demise of my marriage doesn't diminish the reality that she had also been duped and victimized, passed around like a piece of meat and stripped of her last vestige of dignity. Despite our mistakes and misguided actions, there was closure to be had, in our case. For that I am thankful and perhaps it is another motivating factor for me in reference to reunions. Colonel mentioned that ..."The reunion gave Zach an opportunity to "apologize" to me for recruiting me. It gave me an opportunity to relieve him of that burden because he had actually saved my life that day in a way he had not known." (I haven't been able to figure out the quote feature yet. )

Re: Boston/CapeCod/VanCouver/Montreal/Cicero, Illlinois


Hello. I don't know any of you. I found this web site by accident. Chrysolyte touched me when she asked this question. Our trials have been different but damaging just the same. I was helped by a ministry called VMTC. They're based in Florida. It's a scriptural and well balanced Christian ministry. They helped me deal with things in my past that had been affecting my life today. It's totally free. You can find them on the web at http://www.vmtc.org/index.htm

Hi there! I would love to get in touch. I have seen your photos and would love to hear more of your experience at the time. Please let me know if you are available and willing to share your perspective with me. Thanks,
Stephanie