I want to apologize for not writing you sooner, a couple of reasons why:
I didn't really remember you and I was a little embarrassed about that, and also, there were a few people, particularly in Greece that I really disliked at the time. This wasn’t because I inherently disliked any one, (very un-Christian), but because of their conduct toward me, mostly to do with being “dealt withâ€
Cold, stark terror
Wow, reading your message to Joram and Meshelemiah really pushed some of my buttons. "To this day I remember the cold, stark terror, of fearing to lose my wife and child to the "Selah" ways of the COG." When I objected to my husband taking another wife, the colony members (under my husband's leadership) decided that I had a jealousy demon and proceeded to exorcize it from me. It was a 3 day ordeal which included helping me "get the victory" over my jealousy by participating in a threesome; myself, my husband and his new wife. Maybe he just felt sorry for me and didn't want me to feel left out, old bottle that I was. That would be unloving, something he certainly wasn't. They were gonna just love that selfish, jealousy demon right out of me, I guess. Talk about being humiliated. Needless to say, I was pissed and when I told him I wanted to call the leaders in Munich about it, he said Galleo already knew. I felt like I'd been set up, then s... on. But you know, as beaten down as I was, I still believed in what I thought the family really stood for and why I joined. It took another 8 months of trying to convince myself that this One Wife concept and FFing were God's plan for the COG, before I'd had enough. Allowing ourselves to be mistreated and beating ourselves up were behaviors instilled in us, and some of us maybe still yet suffer from. My present husband has a cute hillbilly saying that I like to remind myself of often: It's a poor dog won't wag his own tail."
Despair, hopelessness and loneliness are painfully debilitating conditions, dark places no one would wish to be. My spirit had been broken a long time when I first heard that saying about the poor dog. It was an encouragement to me and helped me to heal. I hoped it could be that for someone else.
I was Samech Figtree, anyone remember me, say hello
I gotta say, to evanman, that I just don't get it. How is it that you can read the preceding words, and then interject your blather, and think that it is useful. I have no idea what you are about, other than needing to seek attention. I can contribute in this forum, and seek to use it for it's intended purpose, or I can walk away.
I know that I am not interested in 'cute' trip-offs. It seems to me that there are plenty other places in this forum for you to either make an original contibution or give a relevant, topical response. In this post that I started, I had a definite purpose, and I have proceeded, in good faith to contribute to this forum and others, with sincerity of pupose. In the preceeding posts, I have born, openly the painful wounds of my life, and have received welcomed reponses from people who knew me, and/or relate to what I've shared, and I have more to share. I just wanted you to know that, I consider your contribution, at least , within this topic, to has been only to trivialize.
There is a notion in many belief systems, of an entity, that appears harmless, but is in truth, a destroyer, a manevolent spirit, refered to by some as "The Jokester". You might do well to avoid any appearance, of being influenced by such a spirit.
Hi Jclearhead,
I have convinced myself that we met in El Paso. You had mentioned that you came to El Paso with Jasper and you were there in '72. I wouldn't be surprised if you don't remember me, I was a questionable prospect as far as TF standards went, for a new disciple. As a 16 year old, strung-out runaway, I didn't have much going for me. Unruliness and self-absorbtion was about it. Another thing was clear though, I had no dreams. I felt hopeless and believed that joining was how I could find that lost hope and peace, and since I had been raised as a Christian, that was even better; an altruistic, honorable life. (We know how that all worked out.)
Anyway, I think I remember you, but if I'm mistaken, oh well. It's good to connect with you now.
Rachel
I apologise if my "interjections" have offended you in any way.
I am unaware of the "Jokester" entity you speak of, I shall bare this in mind, tho.
My comments are sincerely meant. To be "free" from TF one must reject, denounce and totally distance oneself from Berg, Zerby and TF.
We all have endured much pain and abuse to one degree and another, some, obviously, much more than others. We are all undergoing "Recovery" to one degree or another, also.
In some ways it is like greiving over a dead loved one, everyone greives differently, but we they should be allowed to greive in whatever way they do.
Hi Jclearhead,
I have convinced myself that we met in El Paso. You had mentioned that you came to El Paso with Jasper and you were there in '72. I wouldn't be surprised if you don't remember me, I was a questionable prospect as far as TF standards went, for a new disciple. As a 16 year old, strung-out runaway, I didn't have much going for me. Rachel
Have been following this sequence of posts with great interest. Was not of the El Paso colony in 1972 but was with the Las Cruces colony nearby at that time. We often had get-togethers, stopping over to witness in Mexico or El Paso. i met Jasper there but already knew Love from TSC. Saul and Endureth were always my favorite couple. We met one last time in Puerto Rico. But back to El Paso - do you remember Libya and also a Mexican-American brother who had many crude jail tattoos? i've been trying to recall his bible name. Do you remember him?
An ex-CoG reunion could be a wonderful experience, and then again, like you said, it could be bad for some people. This past of ours does evoke some powerful emotions.
If you've never been to one, you should try it anyway. Although i had been out for 25 years at the time, i went to one in Georgia in the late nineties. Not only was Zach there, the guy that roped me onto the team, so was Big Josh. He was the first person i saw when i walked in the door and i recognized him immediately from memories of TSC. The reunion gave Zach an opportunity to "apologize" to me for recruiting me. It gave me an opportunity to relieve him of that burden because he actually had saved my life that day in a way he had not known. But the reunion was good for me overall. i was finally able to put some things behind me. i was able to clearly see the differences between the individual members after having believed for so long that we were of one accord. It was both heartbreaking and humorous.
It was good to see your postings. Of all the people you mentioned, Love was the only other person besides Jasper that I recall from El Paso '72-'73. Do you remember Chrysolyte, Rebecca and Judah or River (sometimes called James)?
Yes, I too, am interested in going to some reunions. Another person has mentioned the possibility, sometime in the future. When I first found this website, I was ecstatic, so happy to have found someplace and other people who had endured similar disappointments and hoping to reconnect with any of the people I had known and lived with over those years. An open forum setting like this has provided just that and much more.
It is good to hear from you, Colonel. Let's talk more.
Best wishes, Rachel
Evanman,
It's only been a few months since I came across this website and began talking to other FM's about TF and our experiences. Until then, I had no information on what was going on with TF other than a few "sensational" news documentaries I saw on TV.
In retrospect, I saw TF as a dark time in my life, an era I seldom talked about for all the obvious reasons. Then there was the isolation, thinking that there was no one who understood what had happened or even cared. It was a blank spot... wasted years in my mind, except for the friends I had made during that time, and often wondering if they were okay. I guess that's why reunions appeal to me, the prospect of our paths crossing again...those friends I have missed over the years.
It goes without saying though, that by opening up this can of worms, we become vulnerable to hurtful memories or remarks. As far as remarks go, I prefer "Nothing ventured, nothing gained." If you hear anything about any upcoming reunions, please let me know. I would be interested in attending.
Rachel
Evanman,
I live in the States, so a UK reunion probably isn't one that I would be able to go to and the only FM's that I've had contact with are those on this website, except for my ex-mate and his wife several years ago, and our TF past wasn't something that came up in our conversations, too much baggage involved.
What if we start a thread and see if there are any other FM's interested in getting together, maybe coordinate several reunions in different locales, so that everyone can have more of an opportunity to go? Perhaps some who have attended past reunions might have some ideas or info on past reunions, or any planned reunions as well. What do you think?
