Hi, I'm 21

I think that my personal philosophies are pretty advanced for my age, but if I could advance further that would be great and if there is anyone with similar ideas that has advance further maybe they could give me some guidance...

I believe in solidarity, it is what I feel most comfortable with. I feel that there is no overall purpose to life. I struggle with depression but I don't think I would qualify for a clinical diagnosis, but it has caused me to consider suicide a lot. I have come to believe that suicide is a choice, I believe that strongly, that that choice can be made from a logical perspective and there isn't something mentally wrong necessarily with the decision to commit suicide. I think about meaning in a context of putting my life in perspective size wise. Once I consider the universe and then the possibility of an infinite amount of dimensions, I see there being no real point to life. I believe however that it is the animalistic side of myself that doesn't want to commit suicide. I want to logically, but I don't want to actually do it. I think my depression stems a lot from my situation. Like I said, I really want to be alone and right now I am on a large college campus where I am confronted with too much social interaction everyday. I am halfway through my junior year though. My plan is to graduate and move to the desert and get a job but life self sustainably as much as possible with solar energy and a well for water, composting toilet and, etc, so that a lot of my money can be "disposable income". I will then have sex with lots of prostitutes (this is not a joke). I have also come to the conclusion that it is impossible to really connect with anyone, that I am alone. I have friends but even the strongest friendships, I believe are quite fragile and the connection you have with a person is all in your mind, so I would like to be alone, but I will still have sexual impulses which I would like to satisify. Since I blieve life is pointless, but I don't want to kill myself, I just want to create a life for myself where I don't mind living, maybe even enjoy it, that way I won't care that it's pointless.