Hello, People. I like to believe I have some interesting ideas, and I am hoping to be pointed in the right direction so that I might explore them further. This forum is dense, and I'm afraid I'll be lost without some kind guidance.

Allow me to pose something I've been mulling over the last few days. Could I possibly get some advice on what deeper area of the forum I could explore this idea?

A few years ago I was living with my aunt and uncle in New Jersey. I had recently dropped out of college and was planning on joining the Air Force with no better ideas in mind. I wasn't very enthusiastic about living there and eventually left (without joining the Air Force). Maybe I was immature and irresponsible, who knows. My aunt said to me shortly before I left that I was "just existing", which I guess was a comment on my life's lack of progress on a day-to-day basis.

I didn't think much of it at the time, and I probably rationalized the comment away. Fast forward to today: I'm working and going to school full time, living in my own apartment with two cats, and am overall in a much better place than I was back then. However (of course there's a "however"), sometimes I do feel as though I'm "just existing". There are entire months that go by without any real advancement in my life, and while I don't really feel bad about it, per se, I still feel as though I should feel bad about it.

I've wondered lately if this may be due to some kind of deep-rooted philosophical belief that goes something like this:

The universe is vast, but more than that, it's neutral. Days and weeks and months and seasons and years come and go with no real consequence. Human experience, with all its emotion and understanding and desire, is exactly that - human - and fundamentally separate from the operations of our physical world. For example, in a couple billion years or so, the Sun is expected to lose power, expand, and consume earth. While a human may consider that event pretty close to the ultimate tragedy, the universe doesn't care; feelings of fear and hopelessness in this regard don't represent the true way of things.

With this in mind, wouldn't "just existing" be an almost spiritual exercise?

I've always considered myself somewhat of a realist in this way, and I find the idea curious. I guess it can be argued that I have a rather grim outlook on life, but the truth is I only get depressed about my perceived lack of "velocity", as it were, when I convince myself that it's something worth being depressed about. I will admit, however, that I find myself somewhat anxious and scared when pondering these things, and I believe that's because I'm not sure whether I might be misleading myself.

That's why I came here, in a general sense. I have a multitude of these strange concepts bubbling inside my skull, and I think I could find some insight and perhaps peace of mind if I knew where to explore them.

Sorry for the long-winded and boring introduction, and thanks in advance.

oftenly