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Mon 8 Sep, 2008 06:07 pm
George Costanza
A Philosopher for the Rest of Us!
George Costanza was a self-professed short, stalky, bald man, who created one of the most cynical, self-centred pseudophilosophy known to man. Here some key points on Costanzaism:
Worlds Theory and the Loss of Independence Scenario
One of the most famous theories of Costanzaism, this is the idea that one must keep his or her social "worlds" apart. Cosmo Kramer was familiar with the idea and, with George, condemned Jerry Seinfeld for violating the theory. The theory holds that if two or more social worlds collide together the results would be catastrophic.
For example, if a woman in a relationship starts hanging out with the friends of her boyfriend, this will cause a catastrophic result where the man in the relationship would cease to have independent status. Costanza explained it thusly: "When relationship George and independent George meet, independent George would cease to be!" It is implied the loss and non-existence of the Independent Being would be disasterous.
The Roommate Switcheroo
A difficult, but not all together impossible, problem; dubbed the Roommate Problem, is a scenario when a man wants to date his girlfriend's roommate, without upsetting or angering his current girlfriend. Costanza developed and dubbed the solution for this problem, The Roommate Switcheroo. The solution of the problem is to suggest "menage-a-trois" with your current girlfriend and the roommate. The girlfriend would be disgusted and tell the roommate; but the roommate would be intrigued by her inclusion in the menage. Eventually, through a serious of calculated moves, slowly the girlfriend will lose interest while the roommate will gain interest. The Switcheroo is complete when the girlfriend breaks up and allows the roomate to date this "pervert".
Unfortunately, Jerry Seinfeld discovered a countersolution to the problem when the girlfiend was acually interested in a menage-a-trois, instead of disgusted with it. Costanza later rewrote his roommate switcheroo by saying that this was even better than his suggested solution.
"It's not a lie, if you believe it."
Discussed elsewhere in this forum, this idea suggests that truth is dependent on conviction. Costanza was known to be a master at this type of truth and would not, and according to Costanza, could not, teach it to Seinfeld. Seinfeld futily attempted to duplicate this type of truth while undergoing a lie detector test. Seinfeld's inner conviction that Melrose Place's Michael is just too damn smug, won out over Seinfeld's failed convication that he never watched Melrose Place.
Art Vandelay and the Problem of Pseudonyms
Like Kierkegaard, George Constaza designed pseudonyms to describe different viewpoints and ideas. Buck Naked, was a porno pseudonym and screen name favoured by Costanza. But as Kierkegaard's greatest pseudonym was Johannes Climacus, Costanza's greatest was Art Vandelay. The back story of Vandelay was that he was an architect who was also in the latex industry and the import-export business.
The problem of pseudonyms arises when one attempts to keep pseudonyms constantly separate from the author. While Kierkegaard was a master at juggling pseudonyms, Costanza haphazardly BECAME Vandelay and pitted him into highly improbable and sometimes superhuman situations.
The Lloyd Braun Paradox
Lloyd Braun: You know, you should tell your dad that 'serenity now' thing doesn't work. It just bottles up the anger, and eventually, you blow.
George Costanza: What do you know? You were in the nut house.
Lloyd Braun: What do you think put me there?
George Costanza: I heard they found a family in your freezer.
Lloyd Braun: Serenity now. Insanity later.
The Lloyd Braun Paradox was suggested by Braun to Costanza: "Serenity now. Insanity later."
This logically valid paradox arises when one thinks that serenity leads to some kind of nirvana; a state of total serenity. It is equally likely, unfortunately, to follow the path Braun suggests: Insanity later.
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