Maybe a arranged marriage wouldn't be so bad after all...

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Lily
 
Reply Thu 7 May, 2009 08:26 am
If we had lived for a couple of hundreds years ago, our parents would have found us a husband of wife. They might have thought more about money than love when they matched us togehter, but if they didn't, if they genuinly cared about what we would like, wouldn't a arrenged marrige be quite nice? I mean, there wouldn't be any dating stress and your parents know you very well. Is it really that weird to fall in love after you are married? If you try to, and want to, fall in love with someone, you probably will. What do you think, would you let your parents decide? Or do you think you'll find love anyway?
 
GoshisDead
 
Reply Thu 7 May, 2009 12:30 pm
@Lily,
In the modern western world, arranged marriages would not be successful for the simple fact that divorce has become common. Arranged marriages depend on a culture where divorce is either not-permitted or at least ver discouraged with notes of ostracism of some sort. In reality however, I truely do think that arranged marriages would have much the same "success" rate an non-arranged marriages, which is, if success is determined by divorce rate, not very successful.
 
Lily
 
Reply Fri 8 May, 2009 07:37 am
@Lily,
What interests me in this matter is that we usually condemn arranged marriges, but they might be, as you say, just as succesful as non-arranged ones. But it's probably also about the fact that if we are allowed to choose for ourselves, then we don't want anyone else to make our choice.
 
xris
 
Reply Fri 8 May, 2009 07:45 am
@Lily,
Lily wrote:
What interests me in this matter is that we usually condemn arranged marriges, but they might be, as you say, just as succesful as non-arranged ones. But it's probably also about the fact that if we are allowed to choose for ourselves, then we don't want anyone else to make our choice.
Whats the problem if you think your parents are better at it than you, ask them.I dont think my good ol mum and dad would have relished the thought.
 
GoshisDead
 
Reply Fri 8 May, 2009 11:28 am
@Lily,
Lily wrote:
What interests me in this matter is that we usually condemn arranged marriges, but they might be, as you say, just as succesful as non-arranged ones. But it's probably also about the fact that if we are allowed to choose for ourselves, then we don't want anyone else to make our choice.


The cultural move from arranged to non-arranged marriages has come hand in hand with cultural attitudes towards individual human rights. As insitutionalized class of all types tend to merge so does the attitude that we have some sort of ultimate freedom of person in regards to our life choices. We condemn arranged marriages now for the same reason we condemn indentured servitude and unjust imprisonment. It is a sad correlation, but as far as I can tell an accurate one. Condemning a person to a lifetime of something s/he didn't choose is now considered inhumane. The praticality of arranged marriages, however has suffered, the lack of them in certain traditional senses has unraveled those traditional cultures and ethnicities in a way that may well destroy them as viable. Some may find it sad some may not, it is the natural way of culture, it evolves and not necessarily for "the better", it just evolves and things pass away replaced by the new.
 
Elmud
 
Reply Fri 8 May, 2009 02:57 pm
@Lily,
be alright if it worked.
 
Holiday20310401
 
Reply Fri 8 May, 2009 09:05 pm
@Elmud,
To be honest, I don't like the submissiveness here to one's parents. But who knows, maybe there's something pleasurable in that.
 
Lily
 
Reply Sat 9 May, 2009 03:25 am
@Lily,
Hmm, maybe it's better to just let them fix a blind date for you...
 
Thanatos phil
 
Reply Tue 23 Jun, 2009 10:18 pm
@Lily,
Having an arranged marriage I believe would stunt your growth. To have your parents decide your marriage is like having a piece of them with you at all times. It's not Your marriage it's Their's. I think to fully grow into adulthood you have to put aside your parents, go out on your own, and decide things for yourself. It's not their life, it's Yours.
 
Caroline
 
Reply Wed 24 Jun, 2009 12:40 am
@Lily,
Do you know the reasons behind an arranged marriage? It's not forced, both parties agree to it and it ensures security for the future. I have friends who are very happy in their marriages, you have to look at why and how it orignated in the first place, but basically the parent is securing their childs future. On the flip side i have met women who are fleeing from their parents because they are forcing thier daughter who is very/too young and too westernised to marry someone they've never met. I dont think it's anything to so with being submissive to your parents, it's a cultural thing and my friend is happy, the parents do it out of caring for their child and ensuring they have security. Like I said you have to ask yourself why are the parents doing it and there is nothing malicious behind it.
 
xris
 
Reply Wed 24 Jun, 2009 02:33 am
@Caroline,
Caroline;71633 wrote:
Do you know the reasons behind an arranged marriage? It's not forced, both parties agree to it and it ensures security for the future. I have friends who are very happy in their marriages, you have to look at why and how it orignated in the first place, but basically the parent is securing their childs future. On the flip side i have met women who are fleeing from their parents because they are forcing thier daughter who is very/too young and too westernised to marry someone they've never met. I dont think it's anything to so with being submissive to your parents, it's a cultural thing and my friend is happy, the parents do it out of caring for their child and ensuring they have security. Like I said you have to ask yourself why are the parents doing it and there is nothing malicious behind it.
You contradicted yourself there Caroline.It is ok if its acceptable by all those involved but you know as well as i that many girls are even tricked into it.A holiday back home turns into a forced marriage and rape.Its a form of cultural brain washing, that i know better than you.If you educate your child you dont need to select their life partner.
 
Caroline
 
Reply Wed 24 Jun, 2009 03:12 am
@Lily,
What I'm trying to say xris is that not all arranged marriages are forced, for instance, my friend wasnt forced into it, she met the man before she married him, some women who meet them before the marriage and dont like the man wont be forced into marrying him the parents will look for a more suitable person and the agreemnet is quite amicable however there are cases that I totally disagree with;- parents who think it's ok to force their children into it, as i said before i met a woman who was tricked into it by her father and ran away as a result, i think that is just awful.
 
xris
 
Reply Wed 24 Jun, 2009 03:52 am
@Caroline,
Caroline;71649 wrote:
What I'm trying to say xris is that not all arranged marriages are forced, for instance, my friend wasnt forced into it, she met the man before she married him, some women who meet them before the marriage and dont like the man wont be forced into marrying him the parents will look for a more suitable person and the agreemnet is quite amicable however there are cases that I totally disagree with;- parents who think it's ok to force their children into it, as i said before i met a woman who was tricked into it by her father and ran away as a result, i think that is just awful.
The problem is the principle, that its an acceptable cultural view.We see young british asian girls disappearing from schools,in their hundreds,long before the legal age of marriage.Take that case recently when a young asian doctor was beaten and imprisoned by her father for refusing marriage.
Who is to blame for the failures?the parents or the couple when it fails.We should not in any way encourage these arranged marriages,it takes away from those who are in peril of it the power to say its not acceptable.
 
 

 
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