@Adam101,
Adam101;95392 wrote:I've been kind to myself, others, and the environment for evil purposes. For instance, how moral is it to tell myself when I'm upset to tears, "It's going to be Ok, Adam; just forget about it?" I tell myself this to be kind, to keep me from feeling the feelings that are upsetting me to tears, but, personally, I think being honest and saying, "This sucks. Let's embrace what we truly feel, acknowledge its location in between the poles of happiness and happiness, understand its cases and effects, and then progress in a way that makes these feelings change to happiness."
Or how about that time we were sweet to our parents so they'd give us money and we could go spend it on evil things, whatever they may be. What they don't know won't hurt them, right? We're not being very rude to them, I mean, we are creating a false reality for them, but for the most part, we aren't effecting them that much, and we're doing what we want, so we're being kind to ourselves, however, it seems immoral to me...it produces unhappiness to be kind in this spot. I think it would be better to just act normal instead of kind.
If what I think is true, anything can be a good thing, and man I mean anything, and anything can be a bad thing...again, anything.
Greetings, Adam,
"This sucks" can be true (in a sense) and "Everything's going to be ok" can be true (in a sense) -- both at the same time.
Even better would be to tell yourself: "This [situation] is a good challenge, and I am going to be a winner and rise above it, rather than let it bring me down." "I am aware that this outcome is all for the best (although it may be hard for me to see right now how this is so.) In the long run I'll look back and be grateful that it turned out this way, for I will then have the perspective to see how it freed me for a greater opportunity."
Except for the (literal, actual) death of a beloved person who you regarded as very close - when it would be appropriate to engage in a period of mourning - you ought to learn to practice the ABC's of RET (Rational-Emotive-Therapy) on yourself. "A" = Activating event. "C" = (emotional) Consequence. In between is "B": your belief system; how you interpret A to cause the pain and suffering at C. There are an indefinitely-large number of ways to interpret event A. You were selecting those that made you cry. Select a different, more optimistic or positive, one. Or challenge Socratically the false logic of the one you did believe: D is for Dispute. And you will get "E." E is for = a new Emotional consequence... one which is not so painful for you. You will be 'cool' now because you have exposed - by persistently disputing them - the illogicality of the myths or neurotic ideas that you had believed.
As to your second point. Go ahead and be sweet to your parents! As you do them some services, say to them: "If you suspect that I am doing this for you because I need something -- you're right!" "See if you can guess what I need ....or think I need." "Yes, you are right: it's some money. I'm honest about it. I wouldn't mind getting a little gift from you and I'm trying to earn it by helping you out this way -- something I might not ordinarily do. How about it? Can you help me out?"
In this manner you are being authentic, not phony. It is not a "false reality" you are creating. There is nothing immoral about it. You were seeking reciprocity in this case. They could still be free to turn you down. You were open as to why you were so sweet.
I hope this helps.
Yours for Ethics,
deepthot
