@timunderwood9,
So, let's consider the first part of your sentence:
"When I first was faced with that hypothetical the reason I didn't find it compelling was 1) Ultimately if its a choice of five dead, or one dead, we should choose for one to die..."
I am interpreting this as you supporting ,
"1) Ultimately if its a choice of five dead, or one dead, we should choose for one to die." But, you say later,
"Also I at least know personally that if my volunteering to die would save five lives I would refuse to do it?"
So, a clarification, reconciliation, and/or modification of these two points you have made is required for your argument to be valid.
Moving onto the second part of the same sentence,
"2) It seemed like a false dilemma, couldn't we get the organs in a better way, perhaps by taking them from someone on death row, or something similar (and as a result of this I decided it is a horrible thing that we don't, as far as I know, use the organs of all executed criminals)?"
Firstly, I ought to note a practical problem with this. Criminals have a higher rate of some diseases like STD's because of things like unsafe sexual practices, drug use, etc. So, they are, often, considered poor choices for organ donating. However, there are a few that could, I am sure. And inmates on death row usually do volunteer for things like organ donation in order to curry favor from judges and the like.
So what about the case of the inmate who was not wrongfully sentenced to death row and who could donate organs and refuses? Why should we not take their organs? The reason given is an abstract one. Going something like:
If it is okay with taking a person's organs without consent, it is, conceivably, okay to do X without the person's consent. X can be anything? sex, abortion, pregnancy, human experimentation, vivisection (unconscious and conscious), relocation, ? and so on.
Jeeprs' remark above is a reflection of this en mass. If you can do it to one person, you can do it to anyone and, therefore, everyone it is possible to do it to.
Next, I consider your point,
"? almost certainly the doctor actually doing that would not be supported by act utilitarianism, because then it will scare everyone contemplating going to a doctor. And the negative effects of that will almost certainly outweigh the positive effects of even everyone on the transplant list getting organs."
It appears here, that you are interpreting 'act utilitarianism' through the lens of 'satisfaction utilitarianism'.
I will stop here and note that this is an incorrect method of understanding. This is because doing so leads to misunderstanding of the argument you are looking at (meaning you are only hearing/reading what you want to hear/read and not what is being presented), and, if you do not understand the argument you are looking at, you cannot properly address it, defend it or what-have-you. In order to correct this, we interpret something (i.e. Scripture) through itself (see Spinoza's Theological-Political Treatise).
The next set of sentences, I am unable to properly address until I hear more about it and how it supports your argument. They sentences are:
"Anyways I'm familiar with a bit of work thats been done under the heading of 'experimental philosophy' which perhaps explains a bit of what is going on when people think killing the person is the wrong thing to do.
Philosophers have asked large numbers of people questions like what should be done in this situation, modifying the details to see what happens. And as a result we know that the more it seems like an active intervention is being made the more hesitant people are in making the tradeoff of killing someone to save the larger number of lives."
Lastly, I need you to extrapolate on why you suspect,
"?if you change the number of lives saved by murdering one person from five, to 100 you will change whether people think it should be done." I note that you personally would not give your life for five but would likely for a hundred as you said in the following sentence,
"?I at least know personally that if my volunteering to die would save five lives I would refuse to do it, but I'm fairly sure I would if it would save 100." And, so, your suspicion may have some personal basis. So, what I mean when I say I need you to extrapolate, is what your personal motivation is and why you believe others would do the same. Further, I would like to know where on this scale you would draw the line between willingly dying for a group of people and not willingly dying for a group of people and how you came up with it.