The Life I led for a long time, too long to suit me, was as a single man, a handy man, and a male slut... I never said no; but it was not satisfying in any sense of the word... All I did was share intimacy with people who would have been better served spending the night alone than with the wrong guy... And I was the wrong guy, except that I never said no...

Twenty five years later with my marriage down the tubes I went to the bar, and tossed some darts as I never had done alone since I met my wife... There was a guy who no shet, looked like Quasi Modo in the face sitting at the end of the bar with a scrawny old hen of a woman whose voice sounded like a mile of gravel road... Quasi was chatting up Mrs. gravel voice, and trying to pick her up though she was ten years older, and I could not imagine either of them thinking they had scored well in the morning...And I was thinking, I will suck up enough cigarette smoke in here to ruin my run tomorrow in the time it takes me to finish this draft... And I was also thinking: Where does one go to meet women when you don't really want a relationship because you can't get over the last one or stand to be in it any more...

I am old, alone, and I'm screwed... So here is the question I have... Should a guy carry a cyanide capsule in case he wakes up with Mrs. Gravel voice after going to the bar??? Would anyone notice that you had chewed your own arm off rather than wake her by trying to get it off from under her head??? What am I going to do when I can't stand my wife and know I can't do any better??? Do I have to have a wife, or can I just say I am incapable of adult relationships with women???... It is hard to think of philosophy when the most essential elements of life escape me...

Sometimes we gotta just admit to ourselves, that we're just not very good at playing the piano and maybe we should quit buying new ones, hoping that will help make us better. :brickwall:

why is it unsatisfying? who says you have to be with one woman forever and ever? who says that's healthy? who says it's good? it's a cultural perspective that's gettin ya down, man.

So you've hit a snag in your relationship, it happens. And if you're both unhappy and willing to muster a care for repairing things, why not move on? No reason to stay in an unfortunate situation.

I am certain that is the way she feels... I just don't give up any better than I learn... Thanks

I Sure hope that you are able to work things out for the best. How long have you 2 been together?
I seem to have alot of experience in this field but I can assure you that I do not have all the right or wrong answers but I can give you my opinion if you interested.

My wife, my second wife and I were together close to twenty five years... I don't know about advice... Seems like I have to learn to accept and move on...I thought I would be a better husband than I was...A lot of things from my childhood kept me from being better... I wouldn't settle for the old relationship back either, and that was not what i was offering her...But she still wants to think of me as I was, and not think of me as I am....What we both feel is that our last child, who is a problem, has ADD, is a problem we are each facing alone...Our last breach came out of me asking her for some emotional support when she is the one in charge, and she is getting financial support from me...No... Just buck up... Well, I think I am going to be stuck with this child till I grow old and die... I think my wife would welcome losing the both of us...But, I will not abandon my child unless there is no hope whatever...I have to quit handing my wife extra money out of guilt about all I have done wrong, and start saving again for my children's future...

...What am I going to do when I can't stand my wife and know I can't do any better??? Do I have to have a wife, or can I just say I am incapable of adult relationships with women???...

It is hard to think of philosophy when the most essential elements of life escape me...

If you can't stand someone you're with, you probably need a change. But my experience shows me that what I *think* needs to be changed, often isn't *what* needs to be changed. I think it an obvious part of our nature that we reach for what we think will give us relief, whether or not is truly the case. Thus, careful thought is warranted; and where a long-term relationship is involved, lots and lots of careful thought.

Everything is a bang-for-buck proposition: Is what I expend worth what I get? The time, effort, forbearance, annoyance and energy -vs- whatever sense of companionship I gain; each of these to be considered on many levels.

When you consider this, it's probably a good idea to forsee yourself living alone rather than finding someone else, which is just as likely to happen as not (and a great many people live just fine alone). How does your day progress? Is there loneliness? Does it feel bland and untethered or "new" and adventurous to be alone. For some married couples, simply having that person there - with the implied choice that you could go to another room, go out, take another job or otherwise escape their immediate presence if you so feel - is worth putting up with quite a bit. Once you sever that thread, your choice becomes a non-choice (or likely does).

I made this choice once; and chose solitude. I'll admit that after a year or so I ultimately decided that I *did* want that companionship in a female partner. But more importantly, in that time, I realized just how much I wanted it. Now, in my case I'm glad it all changed, because she whom I ended up with didn't play into my games, my buttons and my neurosis. Had I previously been able to forsee the part of myself then unknown, I might not have forced a separation. As it is, I'm glad I did - so much foresight.

So I suppose my only advice would be: 1) Proceed cautiously, a choice once removed is no longer an option. 2) Go over the bang for buck in all its iterations; all the good to the most ugly aspects of what you detest. 3) Be ready for all things to change; when we separate from a long-term relationship more changes than just the presence of that person.



... ain't that the truth. Maslow is chuckling somewhere..

Best of luck!

The Life I led for a long time, too long to suit me, was as a single man, a handy man, and a male slut... I never said no; but it was not satisfying in any sense of the word... All I did was share intimacy with people who would have been better served spending the night alone than with the wrong guy... And I was the wrong guy, except that I never said no...

Twenty five years later with my marriage down the tubes I went to the bar, and tossed some darts as I never had done alone since I met my wife... There was a guy who no shet, looked like Quasi Modo in the face sitting at the end of the bar with a scrawny old hen of a woman whose voice sounded like a mile of gravel road... Quasi was chatting up Mrs. gravel voice, and trying to pick her up though she was ten years older, and I could not imagine either of them thinking they had scored well in the morning...And I was thinking, I will suck up enough cigarette smoke in here to ruin my run tomorrow in the time it takes me to finish this draft... And I was also thinking: Where does one go to meet women when you don't really want a relationship because you can't get over the last one or stand to be in it any more...

I am old, alone, and I'm screwed... So here is the question I have... Should a guy carry a cyanide capsule in case he wakes up with Mrs. Gravel voice after going to the bar??? Would anyone notice that you had chewed your own arm off rather than wake her by trying to get it off from under her head??? What am I going to do when I can't stand my wife and know I can't do any better??? Do I have to have a wife, or can I just say I am incapable of adult relationships with women???... It is hard to think of philosophy when the most essential elements of life escape me...

Interesting..... Except I would say that even without a one night stand we do have at least one form of relationship with everyone on the planet...

Which is????????

---------- Post added 05-02-2010 at 01:31 PM ----------

No wait, i am going to bed, let me see if i cant figure it out.

In case you should not... It is our relationship with all of humanity as a human being....

In case you should not... It is our relationship with all of humanity as a human being....

I was going to say parent or child.
But the whole famly is Humanity whole.

---------- Post added 05-02-2010 at 10:38 PM ----------


So does this mean that every one is a human being only with humanity?
Can any one not be part of humanity?
If so are they no longer human beings?
Please describe further what inductions and training everyone goes through therefore everyone must be a human being part of humanity?
Can some one stay on the dole or quit their job?
Is humanity and human being a choice?
But i do suppose there are thoes who are abusive and abused in relationships.
And some people who are just bad at their job.

It means that humanity is a class, which is a concept....Dogs are a whole group...People is too... But within that class are many classes...