Philosophy Forum

Read Topic
Reply

Age of Awareness

Philosophy Forum
» General Discussion
» Age of Awareness

Get Email Updates • Email this Topic • Print this Page

Not sure sure how (in)appropriate it is, in terms of forum etiquette, to start a new thread having just joined yesterday! :puzzled: Apologies if I breach any social codes...

My mother is a Spanish Catholic (non practicing), my father is an Athiest. Mother tried to encourage a belief in God, my father didn't say much. God and the idea of an afterlife never resonated with me - it just didn't make sense, seemed improbable, impossible bordering on ridiculous. From about age of 8 I started becoming preoccupied with questions of mortality, death, consciousness, existence, infinity (and beyond!). No one seemed able to answer my enquiries, in fact, the answers seemed to differ wildly based on belief systems....confusing me further. Attempting to discuss these issues with my peers, it was evident that they didn't seem to carry this burden, and were quite able to freely play and 'be children' and then 'be teenagers'. There was always a feeling that I didn't fit in, a loneliness and sense of isolation.
Over the years I've been able to find a few others with the same questions, and we could be troubled together. A relief. Now after a lot of inner torment and confusion, I'm 30 and feel very fortunate to have gone down this path. I'm reaching a stage of (fragile and possibly temporary) understanding and acceptance which I could not have reached without this troubled mind of mine; the next phase for me is to explore in more detail the published works of great thinkers.

I crave to hear about other people's journeys.

At what age did you start to ponder? Did this pondering alienate you? Did this awareness bring depression / anxiety / addictions / obsessions or other issues that impeded 'proper social functioning'? Where are you now on your journey? Do you have regrets? And if you could travel back in time for 2 minutes to talk to your younger self, what age would you go back to, and what would you say?

I hope to hear from you Smile

@Flipside,

Flipside;128929 wrote:

Not sure sure how (in)appropriate it is, in terms of forum etiquette, to start a new thread having just joined yesterday! :puzzled: Apologies if I breach any social codes...

My mother is a Spanish Catholic (non practicing), my father is an Athiest. Mother tried to encourage a belief in God, my father didn't say much. God and the idea of an afterlife never resonated with me - it just didn't make sense, seemed improbable, impossible bordering on ridiculous. From about age of 8 I started becoming preoccupied with questions of mortality, death, consciousness, existence, infinity (and beyond!). No one seemed able to answer my enquiries, in fact, the answers seemed to differ wildly based on belief systems....confusing me further. Attempting to discuss these issues with my peers, it was evident that they didn't seem to carry this burden, and were quite able to freely play and 'be children' and then 'be teenagers'. There was always a feeling that I didn't fit in, a loneliness and sense of isolation.
Over the years I've been able to find a few others with the same questions, and we could be troubled together. A relief. Now after a lot of inner torment and confusion, I'm 30 and feel very fortunate to have gone down this path. I'm reaching a stage of (fragile and possibly temporary) understanding and acceptance which I could not have reached without this troubled mind of mine; the next phase for me is to explore in more detail the published works of great thinkers.

I crave to hear about other people's journeys.

At what age did you start to ponder? Did this pondering alienate you? Did this awareness bring depression / anxiety / addictions / obsessions or other issues that impeded 'proper social functioning'? Where are you now on your journey? Do you have regrets? And if you could travel back in time for 2 minutes to talk to your younger self, what age would you go back to, and what would you say?

I hope to hear from you

Oh man, you got an early start. Both of my parents are Southern Baptist and my father was a music minister until recently so the idea of the Christian god made perfect sense to me for a long time... it wasn't until highschool when I met some people who showed me good reasons for doubt that I started to actually think about my so called faith. I definitely feel alienated from my family, but not that they are trying to alienate me, it is just bound to happen when we disagree on so fundamental a thing. They see the world in absolutes where I see relativism.

The idea of death and of personal achievement being finite really stuck in my head after that, after all, my entire childhood had been based around the idea of looking forward to eternal bliss! So that combined with a fair number of other issues and bad timing led to a time of depression for me. I was a little too clever for my own good because I was able to find a useless form of skepticism to back up my depression. Happiness became a sedative for deep thoughts in my mind, but I doubt this is truly the case looking back. I did pick up an addiction, I started smoking during my depression and justified it in a "life is ever wilting" kind of way. I have yet to stop smoking, but I do not chain smoke either.

I also am very glad to have gone down this hard road, as my parents have often said it "narrow is the road and few are those who travel on it"... not that that's what they meant Wink

I have found myself better able to understand others and also more interested in hearing viewpoints I would've thought of as insane before.

If I could travel back in time it would be to ninth grade. I would tell myself to snap out of it and try to convince myself to have the doubts I had two years later, two years early. If my parents would've known sooner it would've been harder at first but I could've used the strength for when I went to college.

Thank you for sharing your story, it is always encouraging considering I live in the Bible Belt of America.

@Scottydamion,

Scottydamion - I was afraid I was asking too much (I am female, we tend to be nosey)....Thanks for your honesty. :bigsmile:

If we're both content with the road we've taken, then perhaps the need to time travel for a little pep-talk with our younger selves is wholly unnecessary.

I have yet to stop smoking too... One thing at a time.

I see from your profile you're 20...still so much ahead of you (and quite a lot ahead of me too, relatively speaking). We have a good shot at living life fully, genuinely and thoughtfully. It must be difficult existing in Bible Belt - good for you for having the courage to think differently. My brother lived in Utah (not Bible Belt but brimming with Mormons) however moved to Boston after a couple of years because of the dirty looks for drinking coffee and smoking a cigarette, amongst other things...! I feel fortunate to have been born in (and still live in) London, where more or less anything goes. Sometimes too anonymous, but you can't have it all.

Do you have friends/confidantes with whom you can discuss the more perplexing side of life and achieve some sense of belonging?

@Flipside,

Going back to a time you are aware of rather than going back to a time you are there unaware?
In other words is it better to go back and still know as little as you did then or would it be better to go back knowing what you know now?
There are many days i would live again knowing nothing more than what i did then (and to a degree i can) just as there are probably more days i would rather be more aware so as to completly change them (and to a degree i cant).

I crave to hear about other peoples journeys also, but not everyone needs to hear themselves or about their own journeys do they?
Some would rather forget, to forget is all we can hope to do because time travel is very difficult.
To remember a forgotten day of sunshine would be great.
But to relive it could possibly ruin those few days of sunshine.

Sure if i could start my life over from scratch that would be fine, but it would always mean having to give up everything this life has been and has done not just for you but for the world.
You have changed the world in a million different ways even you are not aware of the reality by your being has engineered.

You are the reason for reality.

@Flipside,

Where in London you are fraom? I've got friends living in Bethnal Greens. I hope you feel less lonely now we can write & chat, though no-body does.

I am 43, housekeeper, lousy pay!

http://www.philosophyforum.com/lounge/general-discussion/l

Love life and saying hello to you.

@Flipside,

Nice discussion.

Well I was raised under a christian belief system which I never questioned until the age of 15. Everything seemed to be in place before that, life was beyond my own control and my parents always bridged the gaps where necessary. They are both firmly devoted to Christianity (Dad being a priest) and the path of righteousness was hammered into my head perhaps before I was even born. There were little to none uncertainties in my mind while growing up, therefore everyday cycled like the wheels of a porshe. Despite prior experiences which could have been the immediate catalysts for falling from grace on my part, no noise in my little unconscious head ever clicked to put me in this state of awareness as you define it - I vehemently followed my faith with complete obedience. The environment I grew up in was always challenging and frustrating to beliefs but even so, jesus never failed me at any point in time. I remember being on the internet and browsing for philosophy articles/books at that age, where I found numerous ones ranging from subjects such as black holes, dark matter, fusion, invisible stars etc. From then on my interest in reading more philosophy developed further and I began searching for answers to anything that affected my life through the medium of philosophy. Articles such as 'our destiny, seeking answers, christ, jesus, talking to god' and lastly notes on christianity made me ponder about the position I was placed in and whether the way I handled life was possibly incorrect. In that same year, I became disinterested in school, social life and anything that involved interaction with anyone other than my family. This resulted in me being diagnosed with depression because I hated life and nothing made sense to me without the underlying faith I had. I was weak without it. However, I naturally grew out of the state months after and life continued as usual, without church and everything accompanied with it. Overall I can say the break from faith helped me put the puzzle together according to my own indivual comprehension, I still question religion today, but the belief that god does not exist is incomprehensible. Here and now, I doubt a belief in a higher power could ever be taken away from me, despite how much I may 'sin' according to religious puppets or moreover be conscious of my immoralities - I understand my position and will continue the journey the way I see fit. Backseat driving does not work. To a certain extent I do not have any regrets, although the idea of maintaining the purity I once had would ease my conscious from other factors I deal with daily. lol If I could travel back in time to talk to my younger self I would say "Read twice, you might have missed it the first time".. Life goes on. That "age of awareness" made me who I am today, for better or for worse, I do not regret it.

Cheers.

@Flipside,

I became aware of myself at twelve. I became completely skeptical of everything about a year ago. I did away with some of these skeptic ideas about 5-6 months ago. Defining terms and questioning most things has been my prime interest now that I'm sixteen.

My life hasn't been great, but I wouldn't trade it with anyone else.

@Flipside,

Flipside;129060 wrote:

Scottydamion - I was afraid I was asking too much (I am female, we tend to be nosey)....Thanks for your honesty. :bigsmile:

If we're both content with the road we've taken, then perhaps the need to time travel for a little pep-talk with our younger selves is wholly unnecessary.

I have yet to stop smoking too... One thing at a time.

I see from your profile you're 20...still so much ahead of you (and quite a lot ahead of me too, relatively speaking). We have a good shot at living life fully, genuinely and thoughtfully. It must be difficult existing in Bible Belt - good for you for having the courage to think differently. My brother lived in Utah (not Bible Belt but brimming with Mormons) however moved to Boston after a couple of years because of the dirty looks for drinking coffee and smoking a cigarette, amongst other things...! I feel fortunate to have been born in (and still live in) London, where more or less anything goes. Sometimes too anonymous, but you can't have it all.

Do you have friends/confidantes with whom you can discuss the more perplexing side of life and achieve some sense of belonging?

Yes I have found like minded people to discuss these things with. It is amazing the vastness of opinions that people have concerning all sorts of things. I really enjoy discussion and debate simply to lose myself in someone else's viewpoint for a moment.

@Flipside,

sometime sun - I have few regrets & would rather keep the path I've taken. My life and my own particular experiences have taught and shaped me. Yes, it was torment at times, but well worth it and probably necessary. I feel I have enough time (if the odds of chaos are in my favour) to put into practice all that I've learnt. But I will also keep learning every day.

Even if I could time travel back to little me, little me probably wouldn't understand what I had to say because learning/evolving/growing is a process that can't be fast-tracked.

Quote:

I crave to hear about other peoples journeys also, but not everyone needs to hear themselves or about their own journeys do they?

Quote:

My life hasn't been great, but I wouldn't trade it with anyone else.

Quote:

That "age of awareness" made me who I am today, for better or for worse, I do not regret it.

Infovore (great name) & mister kitten - Hurrah! It's good to hear.

Quote:

Read twice, you might have missed it the first time

Apologies for saying so much - I would rather be foolish than silent (in this particular context).

@Flipside,

Flipside; You apologise to much for things that need no apology.
You do not come across as self absorbed, no more or less than the rest of us anyway.
Take your shoes off, be yourself (it is better than being someone less, else or you dont recognise, some people must say more to hear themselves before they can ever hope to be listened to by others), i welcome you and hope to connect and hear MORE in the future.
I would rather to much than not enough. Smile

Philosophy Forum
» General Discussion
» Age of Awareness

Read Topic
Reply

Philosophy Forum

Age of Awareness

Quick Links

My Account

able2know