What is wrong with my love life?

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Reply Fri 25 Sep, 2009 07:09 am
Good God, this is awful...

So the girl I've been patiently working on for most this past year decides to fall for a guy she's known for an hour while at the same time saying she wants to just be friends with me...

I met her coming out of a heartbreak where I completely lost a friend, who I fell for coming out of a heartbreak whose acquaintanceship has only recently been reconstituted...so yeah this is the third time in a year (one roughly every four months) that my heart's been broken, that somebody I care for decides she's not interested in me. The first one was infatuation, the second one beyond what I can even guess, but I know I've been in love--like real love--with this past one. And add that to the train wreck that has characterized my entire relationship life--and heartbreak seems to be the end of every relationship I've ever had, and I mean heartbreak before the point where I even get a chance to date--and the more they happen the worse they get...I feel I must be afflicted by some nasty karma or something! Because no matter how you look at it, this is bad, no guy is supposed to go through three straight major heartbreaks without even getting a chance to actually date the girl he likes...
 
Krumple
 
Reply Fri 25 Sep, 2009 07:18 am
@hammersklavier,
That is rough, all I can say without offending a bunch of people is to say your approach is all wrong. But without actually knowing all the details I can't give you any crucial advice. You are doing something wrong, I know that might sound harsh to you, but three in a row is the clue. You are being too much their friend and not enough of someone they want. It can work but you have to change your method. There is nothing wrong with you, just your approach is bad, that's all.
 
richrf
 
Reply Fri 25 Sep, 2009 07:38 am
@hammersklavier,
hammersklavier;93491 wrote:
Good God, this is awful...

So the girl I've been patiently working on for most this past year decides to fall for a guy she's known for an hour while at the same time saying she wants to just be friends with me...

I met her coming out of a heartbreak where I completely lost a friend, who I fell for coming out of a heartbreak whose acquaintanceship has only recently been reconstituted...so yeah this is the third time in a year (one roughly every four months) that my heart's been broken, that somebody I care for decides she's not interested in me. The first one was infatuation, the second one beyond what I can even guess, but I know I've been in love--like real love--with this past one. And add that to the train wreck that has characterized my entire relationship life--and heartbreak seems to be the end of every relationship I've ever had, and I mean heartbreak before the point where I even get a chance to date--and the more they happen the worse they get...I feel I must be afflicted by some nasty karma or something! Because no matter how you look at it, this is bad, no guy is supposed to go through three straight major heartbreaks without even getting a chance to actually date the girl he likes...


Sorry to hear about this sadness in your life. I wish I had something to say to comfort you, but I don't. I know how painful it must be. I hope that time will heal.

Rich
 
Khethil
 
Reply Fri 25 Sep, 2009 07:56 am
@Krumple,
As Krump said, one would need to know a whole lot more to give any specific advice. That being said, here are some general thoughts that might or might not help.

  • I've found that encountering that chemistry that combines concurrent physical and emotional/intellectual mutual attraction/interest is very rare.


  • Luck doesn't care what kind of 'luck' you just had; in other words, it's just as likely to have another and another round of poor fortune after having 10,000 bad-scenes, as not.


  • The only way to really over come this is to keep trying.


  • You'll get emotionally overloaded/run down if you don't find a way to take these deals in stride


  • Many people protect or defend their innermost loyalties while simply courting a potential; then gradually open up over time as trust grows. I've never been very good at that, but some of the most successful relationships I know started out very guarded, very slow.


  • I'm guessing this is true in the Male->Female direction too, but I've found that when a woman I've been attracted too says they just want to be friends, that romantic-type element just isn't there. I'd let these go as potential partners; keeping the friendship if possible.

That's a tough place to be in and can really take its toll on ones' self-esteem (and sheer energy to keep trying). But until the circumstances are just right, and lady luck decides to bestow some fortune your way, it just isn't going to happen. Keep heart and don't give up.

heh... I sound like a cliche machine. Hope it helps in some way
 
 

 
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