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Your Dating Site Experience

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Here's my off-topic thread for the start of the week: Dating Sites!

Being a philosopher-of-sorts, I'm usually better able to articulate thought through writing and this has led me to make some very interesting relationships online -- one of which actually ended up becoming a girlfriend. Though I've heard my fair share of horror stories, I find meeting others in a relaxed, no-pressure atmosphere rather refreshing. Those I've encountered are generally more open regarding many "off-topic" issues sitting behind a screen (as opposed to meeting these same people in a bar, club, etc.), and it's often led me to become rather close with some individuals [not always just romantically]. In fact, I've actually become close with more people through an online medium than through any other outlet. Weird, huh?

Typically, I've found, if the vibe is evident online and on the phone, there's a vibe when meeting, too. And, thus far, I haven't had many *bad* experiences, let alone the girl that wouldn't talk, or the girl that enjoyed deceiving me with her pictures :shocked:

So, I'm curious:

How many of you have used, or have at least heard of, a dating site (match.com, okcupid.com, eharmony.com, etc.)?

If you've used one, what was your experience like? Have you had any notable successes, failures? If you haven't used one, would you ever think about using one? What would be the issues in your determination (cost, fear of unknown, etc.)?

What is your general opinion of this sort of medium for meeting another, whether you've used one or not? Creepy? Potentially fulfilling? Undecided?

@Zetherin,

A friend of mine has so far had three relationships hta began online, two through a computer game and one through a chatroom. One ended in accusations of rape and a pregnancy. The second ended in a broken heart and the girl completely ignoring him. The third resulted in an emotional breakdown, first in the ladies camp and then in his, over the fact he didn't want to make it a dedicated long-term thing, due to the last two, then because he didn't want to have sex.

Needless to say, as an observer, I don't get the best impressions of meeting people over the net.

@Zetherin,

Here's my experience with JDate (a Jewish dating site):

http://www.pbase.com/drpablo74/image/65556111.jpg

leading to:

http://www.pbase.com/drpablo74/image/95439230.jpg

I used it for around 2 years before my wife and I met, and I had nothing but good experiences.

Here are the takehome points:

1) You know that people on dating sites are looking for a relationship (or at least say so). You don't know that about people you meet in real life.

2) You can immediately eliminate people if they have certain red flags (much different level of education, or if they're a smoker and you're not, or incompatible religious / political / lifestyle needs, or if you're just not attracted).

3) You can immediately find out if they've got any interest in meeting you.

My BEST recommendation: do NOT correspond for a long time by e-mail or even telephone before meeting in person. Only use e-mail as a route to screen people and to arrange to meet in person, somewhere neutral and public.

@Zetherin,

I would much rather meet someone on a dating site than at a bar. How many people have had an encounter with some random person at a bar, and actually ended up having a meaningful relationship? I remember this one time I met this girl at the bar that seemed so normal after a couple of drinks and we seemed to get along pretty well. A couple of days later, I realized I made a huge mistake when her boyfriend called me demanding to know why his girlfriend had my number, and we had exchanged a couple phone calls and text messages.

I have used a couple of dating sites in the past and had mixed results. I think the problem was pretty much that I was not exactly the person I wanted to be, and received interest from people I had no real interest in. Now that I have years of college under my belt, I might have better luck. It can't be nearly as bad as a random public encounters typically end up working out.

@Zetherin,

I hate dating sites. I never know what to say. I am more of an in the moment type of person and I feel more comfortable in an environment where we are both uncomfortable. It seems to make things go more smoothly andseems more natural to me.

@Zetherin,

I don't believe in dating sites. I think the whole thing is just artificial.
I dont get the benefit of it, except that it's easier.

@Zetherin,

If people meet through a dating site and have genuine interest in one another, how is that any more artificial than meeting in a bar (or anywhere, for that matter) and having genuine interest in one another?

@Zetherin,

Artificial... Because on a dating site you check or uncheck boxes picking the attributes that you want a partner to have.
It does return some partners according to your request. I would say actually meeting someone is much more than getting a list of attributes.

@EmperorNero,

NoEmperorNero wrote:

Artificial... Because on a dating site you check or uncheck boxes picking the attributes that you want a partner to have.
It does return some partners according to your request. I would say actually meeting someone is much more than getting a list of attributes.

I haven't a clue what you're referring. Yes you can pick attributes and similar interests in order for the site to match you better (and, really, that usually isn't all that accurate), but ultimately no matter what match the site dictates, it's still up to the participants to make it happen, to pursue any relationship. The dating site is just a medium for communication, that's all. What happens once you actually meet (in person) has nothing to do with the site, and there's obviously no guarantees you'll find a "perfect match". But say someone did find someone they really enjoyed online: Are you to say their relationship cannot be genuine simply because of the medium of communication through which they met?

I'm feeling you're implying there's more risk (of not having people with similar interests) in meeting someone randomly, and so that's natural. And so, dating sites, because they allow you search for someone with similar interests through a system [not random]("attributes"), are artificial?

@Zetherin,

I was referring to dating sites with with some sort of system of coupling up users so they fit together.
As simply a medium for communication, a dating site is as good as any other site where people communicate.
I admit that I never did it myself, so I don't really know what I'm talking about.
And no, I'm not saying the medium of communication has anything to do with how the relationship ends up.

And your last two lines are pretty much what I was trying to say. Isn't that what artificial means? I'm not saying that is bad.

@EmperorNero,

EmperorNero wrote:

I don't believe in dating sites. I think the whole thing is just artificial.
I dont get the benefit of it, except that it's easier.

Dating Sites are a Figment of the internet's imagination?

@Zetherin,

It's all a screening process to facilitate meeting in real life. The check boxes help you eliminate clearly incompatible people.

@Zetherin,

EmperorNero wrote:

And your last two lines are pretty much what I was trying to say. Isn't that what artificial means? I'm not saying that is bad.

"Artificial", in this context, is pejorative. So, yes, I did think you considered it to be inferior in some way, hence my questioning. Even if the system matches you up, it's still the humans communicating. Regardless how the humans began communicating, why are we to assume the relationship is artificial? Can a relationship even be artificial? I've heard the term "shallow" (which I think you may be trying to imply), but I've never seen this combination of words.

Aedes wrote:

It's all a screening process to facilitate meeting in real life. The check boxes help you eliminate clearly incompatible people.

Absolutely. And somehow this is more artificial because there is facilitation, emperor? Help me out here, I'm a bit lost. Did you mean something completely different?

@Zetherin,

Going on a dating site is somewhat of a screening process. I wouldn't say the relationship will be more shallow. Someone wouldn't go on a dating site unless wanting a relationship, which on average will make that person more committed.

Unfortunately the requirement to go on a dating site will screen out other character types. Is basically the "will go on a dating site" type among itself. I think I look at it somewhat like I look at Hollywood stars marrying each others. "Oh yeah, really." :sarcastic:

@Zetherin,

Never experienced it but, kind of seems so distant to me. Words on a screen. Well, I know someone who met a nice guy online and they got married so, I guess it works sometimes.

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