Nerdy philosophical jokes

  1. Philosophy Forum
  2. » General Discussion
  3. » Nerdy philosophical jokes

Get Email Updates Email this Topic Print this Page

Reply Tue 29 Jul, 2008 08:56 am
Do you have any philosophical jokes you would like to share?
Post 'em here and have a Laughing
I'll reserve the next post for best jokes etc...

Heres one but its a bit bad....

Student: master I am confused, I do not know wether the world is flat or round!
Aquinas: It is a complex issue indeed. I cannot tell you what I think as in honesty, that knowledge is with the Lord alone. In my opinion, its all a bit pear shaped.

(In the mid ages it was more commenly believed that the world was pear shaped. A commen misconception is that the mid age peeps believed it was flat. That was the joke).
I hang my head in shame :nonooo:
You can do better so post them in!

Remember, they must be on some philosophical or religous aspect.
Keep it clean.
NOTHING RACIAL which could be considered offensive.
Also be aware that some religious jokes can cause great harm as many people hold their religions dearly. Just use your reason and I wish you the best!
 
one-philosophy
 
Reply Tue 29 Jul, 2008 08:57 am
@one-philosophy,
In no particular order:

"A doctor takes his first rounds at an asylum. He goes up to the first patient he sees and asks, "Who do you think you are?" The patient replied, "I, sir, am Napoleon!" "And how do you know you are Napoleon," asked the doctor. The patient replied, "Because God told me so." Then, from across the room, another patient yelled, "I... DID... NOT!!!"
-VideCorSpoon

"Did you hear about the new athiest charity thats been set up?
Its a non-prophet organisation"
-One-Philosophy

Buddhist walks into a burger joint and says "make me one with everything" Then Buddhist gives the burger guy $20 and asks for change and the burger guy says "change must come from within".
-Chris and One-Philosophy

Descartes walks into a bar. The Bartender asks if he would like a drink. Descartes replies "I think Not" and vanishes
-de Silentio

Kant: To Be is To Do
Kierkegaard: To Do is To Be
Sinatra: Do Be Do Be Do
-de Silentio

How many existentialists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two. One to change the lightbulb and one to observe how the lightbulb symbolizes an incandescent beacon of subjectivity in a netherworld of Cosmic Nothingness.
-Theaetetus

How many Marxists does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. The lightbulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.
-Theaetetus

How many Episcopalians does it take to change a light bulb?
Six. One to change the bulb, and five to form a society to preserve the memory of the old light bulb.
-Theaetetus

What is red, purple, and idealistically incompatible? Ayn Rand and Karl Marx in a blender!
-Zetetic11235

Why do marxists drink fake tea? Because all proper tea is theft.
-One-Philosophy

"God Is Dead",
Nietzsche
"Nietzshe is dead",
God
-One-Philosophy

Prof: (Reviewing an assignment with a student) "And your essay on the True Meaning of Existentialism was perfect, the only 100% ive given in my life."
Student: "But I left that part Blank..."
Prof: "Exactly"
-Critz

Some Actual Church Bulletins:
-Don't let worry kill you -- let the church help.
-The eighth graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet" in the church basement on Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
-Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
-At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.
-Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
 
VideCorSpoon
 
Reply Tue 29 Jul, 2008 09:03 am
@one-philosophy,
 
one-philosophy
 
Reply Tue 29 Jul, 2008 09:21 am
@VideCorSpoon,
lol, did you hear about the new athiest charity thats been set up?
Its a non-prophet organisation :Cara_2:
:nonooo:
*sigh*
 
one-philosophy
 
Reply Tue 29 Jul, 2008 09:36 am
@one-philosophy,
Buddhist walks into a burger joint and says "make me one with everything"
 
de Silentio
 
Reply Tue 29 Jul, 2008 10:39 am
@one-philosophy,
Descartes walks into a bar. The Bartender asks if he would like a drink. Descartes replies "I think Not" and vanishes.

-----

Descartes after a long day of meditation: I Drink, Therefore I Am

-----

Kant: To Be is To Do
Kierkegaard: To Do is To Be
Sinatra: Do Be Do Be Do
 
Vasska
 
Reply Tue 29 Jul, 2008 12:32 pm
@de Silentio,
It's a Youtube series about a lesser known Greek philosopher with many comical one liners. Very well done.

YouTube - Phistophicles - "Introduction" & "Book One"

And the Youtube Channel for the other 5 books:

YouTube - hungrymanTV's Videos
 
VideCorSpoon
 
Reply Tue 29 Jul, 2008 04:40 pm
@Vasska,
Phistophicles on punctuality.... "Being the last man to an orgy is never a good idea..." LOL!
 
Chris phil
 
Reply Tue 29 Jul, 2008 04:52 pm
@one-philosophy,
one-philosophy wrote:
Buddhist walks into a burger join and says "make me one with everything"


Then Buddhist gives the burger guy a $20 and asks for change and the burger guy says "change comes from within".
 
Theaetetus
 
Reply Tue 29 Jul, 2008 05:48 pm
@Chris phil,
Well this is not necessarily a joke but it is by the Monty Python clan. Of all jokesters they had the strongest grip on philosophy.

YouTube - monty python football
 
Theaetetus
 
Reply Tue 29 Jul, 2008 06:01 pm
@Theaetetus,
How many existentialists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two. One to change the lightbulb and one to observe how the lightbulb symbolizes an incandescent beacon of subjectivity in a netherworld of Cosmic Nothingness.

How many Marxists does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. The lightbulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.

How many Episcopalians does it take to change a light bulb?
Six. One to change the bulb, and five to form a society to preserve the memory of the old light bulb.
 
Zetetic11235
 
Reply Tue 29 Jul, 2008 07:50 pm
@Theaetetus,
Oh ! Oh! Me next!
What is red, purple, and idealistically incompatible? Ayn Rand and Karl Marx in a blender!:disappointed:

Heres another one: Immanuel Kant:Not-Impressed:

And one more, a riddle: A philosopher walked down the street and saw quarter on the ground and began to speculate about the intrinsic substance of the coin. At the same moment a satistician walzted by the pair and began to calculate the probabilities. Soon a geometer came along saw that the three had formed a perfect equalateral triangle with the coin in the center and shot himself. Why?(click here only if you are totaly stumped)
 
one-philosophy
 
Reply Wed 30 Jul, 2008 04:55 am
@Zetetic11235,
whats the answer? The link takes you to see a lady in red. Thats all.
Also, you said that a philsopher saw the coin then a satistician saw "the pair"?
You said A (implying one) philosopher saw the coin.
Then the geometer saw three when there were only supposed to be two staring at the coin.
Im confused.
 
one-philosophy
 
Reply Wed 30 Jul, 2008 04:56 am
@one-philosophy,
Why do marxists drink fake tea?

Because all proper tea is theft

wow, I am bad
 
Zetetic11235
 
Reply Wed 30 Jul, 2008 01:19 pm
@one-philosophy,
one-philosophy wrote:
whats the answer? The link takes you to see a lady in red. Thats all.
Also, you said that a philsopher saw the coin then a satistician saw "the pair"?
You said A (implying one) philosopher saw the coin.
Then the geometer saw three when there were only supposed to be two staring at the coin.
Im confused.



Very HappyVery Happy:DTherin lies the truth:DVery HappyVery Happy

Hint:Though I am not sure why you assumed the pair to be men, or the three to be men.
i don't get it.:shifty:
 
Zetetic11235
 
Reply Wed 30 Jul, 2008 01:43 pm
@Zetetic11235,
I have a new one:

A young man walks into a crowded theater and proclaimes that god is dead! He is then countered by another man with the assertion that his claim is metaphysical and metaphysics is dead! Man 3 comes along and tells them that they are both speaking nonsense and must be quite while a 4# asks them to hush so that he can watch the show. Man one says that he should create his own show and put it on for himself when man 5 counters that such a show would not exist objectively and it would be selfish and agianst ones maximum potential to create such a show. Man one counters that all of reality is absurd and potential is used to arbitrary and pointless ends no matter what so it may as well be used to please the creator. Man 3 says that though this is true it can be judged that since it is any animal's perrogative to survive, this should be our objective first and foremost and points out that man #1 would not have come to his conclusion if he had to work to survive, and that he had descended into metaphysical nonsense for his world view.

Now, man #4 is no longer paying attention as he views all perception to be self created and has begun watching the show around him, man #1 remains in a heated debate with man #3 and man number 2 has been taken outside and shot. Man #5 has gone to actualize his objective potential and man number 6 walks in proclaiming that god has set for us all an imperative and then he is taken out and shot. Now we have man number 1 fighting man#2 while man #4 is playing with himself giggling like a madman. The actors in the show have now begun attacking the audience when all of the usdden man # 7 walks out and proclaims that theater is not meant for pleasure or entertainment but to display the suffering and abusurdity of life.

A homeless man walks in and burns the place to the ground while playing his fiddle and proclaiming himself to be a god and then is stabbed behind a stadium by the centurions.

Now, man numbers1 and 3 have moved to the street, man #4 burned up in the fire because he realized that he had within his mind the makings of whatever reality he might choose and was too buisy living in his cot on the carribbean to notice the fire.

Man # 1 and man number 5 start a business making toy lions and man number 3 stabs his mentor with a hot poker and is taken out back and shot. Man #1 soon realizes that reality itself is his own construction and falls through the cracks and ends up crawling on all fours and dies.

What have we learned?Wink
 
one-philosophy
 
Reply Wed 30 Jul, 2008 10:06 pm
@Zetetic11235,
Zetetic11235 wrote:
Very HappyVery Happy:DTherin lies the truth:DVery HappyVery Happy

Hint:Though I am not sure why you assumed the pair to be men, or the three to be men.
i don't get it.:shifty:


huh? I didn't say they were men. Is the answer that there was a strange loop in the fabric of the universe causing a lady who shouldn't of been there to appear from nowhere right after the philosopher arrived on the scene; thus the geomatrist, thinking he/shes gone mad shoots themself?
 
one-philosophy
 
Reply Wed 30 Jul, 2008 10:15 pm
@Zetetic11235,
Zetetic11235 wrote:
I have a new one:

A young man walks into a crowded theater and proclaimes that god is dead! He is then countered by another man with the assertion that his claim is metaphysical and metaphysics is dead! Man 3 comes along and tells them that they are both speaking nonsense and must be quite while a 4# asks them to hush so that he can watch the show. Man one says that he should create his own show and put it on for himself when man 5 counters that such a show would not exist objectively and it would be selfish and agianst ones maximum potential to create such a show. Man one counters that all of reality is absurd and potential is used to arbitrary and pointless ends no matter what so it may as well be used to please the creator. Man 3 says that though this is true it can be judged that since it is any animal's perrogative to survive, this should be our objective first and foremost and points out that man #1 would not have come to his conclusion if he had to work to survive, and that he had descended into metaphysical nonsense for his world view.

Now, man #4 is no longer paying attention as he views all perception to be self created and has begun watching the show around him, man #1 remains in a heated debate with man #3 and man number 2 has been taken outside and shot. Man #5 has gone to actualize his objective potential and man number 6 walks in proclaiming that god has set for us all an imperative and then he is taken out and shot. Now we have man number 1 fighting man#2 while man #4 is playing with himself giggling like a madman. The actors in the show have now begun attacking the audience when all of the usdden man # 7 walks out and proclaims that theater is not meant for pleasure or entertainment but to display the suffering and abusurdity of life.

A homeless man walks in and burns the place to the ground while playing his fiddle and proclaiming himself to be a god and then is stabbed behind a stadium by the centurions.

Now, man numbers1 and 3 have moved to the street, man #4 burned up in the fire because he realized that he had within his mind the makings of whatever reality he might choose and was too buisy living in his cot on the carribbean to notice the fire.

Man # 1 and man number 5 start a business making toy lions and man number 3 stabs his mentor with a hot poker and is taken out back and shot. Man #1 soon realizes that reality itself is his own construction and falls through the cracks and ends up crawling on all fours and dies.

What have we learned?Wink


We have learnt that if we are polite enough to address persons by their names rather than as numbers, there would be less violence in the philosophical forums today!
Ain't that right 11235? (zetetic)
 
one-philosophy
 
Reply Wed 30 Jul, 2008 10:32 pm
@one-philosophy,
"God Is Dead",
Nietzsche

"Nietzshe is dead",
God
 
Zetetic11235
 
Reply Wed 30 Jul, 2008 10:35 pm
@one-philosophy,
one-philosophy wrote:
We have learnt that if we are polite enough to address persons by their names rather than as numbers, there would be less violence in the philosophical forums today!
Ain't that right 11235? (zetetic)


My names not zetetic buddy, its Chris.:poke-eye:
And number five was fine, he did pretty well thanks for asking.:disappointed:
The pair refered to the man and the coin, an odd pair no! An even one! 25 +1! And then the third makes 27! A pythagorian tripple 27, 25,10.2! Take 10.2-3(objects) you get 7.2, 1972 is the year the mahavishnu orchestra broke up! John McGlaughlin was the creator/lead guitarist, who goes on to play in San fransisco with al demiola and paco de lucia. Al dimeola did a clinic at a guitar store near me two years ago, 2006, the year the democrats got ahold of the senate! And the crux of the joke? This headline, right above said woman's picture! News Around the State: OSH honors Cretin as Auxilian of the Year
 
 

 
  1. Philosophy Forum
  2. » General Discussion
  3. » Nerdy philosophical jokes
Copyright © 2024 MadLab, LLC :: Terms of Service :: Privacy Policy :: Page generated in 0.04 seconds on 04/25/2024 at 02:55:41