[CENTER]DEAR READER, ONE MUST UNDERSTAND OBJECTIVE; IN ORDER TO BRING RESOLUTION. YE ARE NOT REFINED, YE ARE BUT A MISUNDERSTOOD CONCEPT.

:a-thought:C. Antonious Vatic:a-thought:
I was the king of forever.
we were the chosen.
Now With a memory gone, I have become much like forever.
Disguised within the hope I have foreseen my own fall; yet I wish to exist as more then what forever has deemed me.

___Soon the age of man, shall be over...leave what you've learned; here.___
It is my memory that I have left behind, what life allows us. It was my chance not to look back. As the past is when mere illusion brings itself into a realistic context. The world sings with me "this is our chance to look past it all". So I ask, what is memory?. The answer itself is prevalent; refined. Thus is it exist not only for what it chooses, but as a realization, a realization of the beauty it can possess.

Look not to your past, as there is no future at such a cross road; let your past be fuel. Fuel to find where your forever is, fuel to find where the wind begins.

It is in such case, that I say a prayer for all the lovers. Who have withstood the trials, and found a secret, in which so many seek; the secret of happiness.

Is a happiness a frail substance? composed of dissipating matter? or is happiness mythology; passed on by the ancients, mythology existent and as real as heroes. Who in tales of olde, have saved righteous worlds. It is what we have sought for a millenia, and it is what we shall seek forever more. cept' for those few. As it is, in it's entirety, that life possesses no mystery. It is only the ones who question what is unquestionable, that find in return, a theory that will induce a unpremeditated and catastrophic loop; it is then that the human race finds themselves without immediate gratification. So we question, over and over again; creating dissension.



_____This Place is perfect, these memories are sung in unity_____
With topics left without resolution one can find themselves, an arbiter, a questionnaire of all that in this rivulet of an existence; we have come to justify as truth. So little is there truth in this world, that we deem it a law. So it is with this that we come to find, lawlessness; an anarchistic discord like no other. I snicker at this thought. Maybe I speak too little of what is, as I know so little of what is to be.

This is a feat that, verily, amazes me. We walk along, glassy eyed. Am I the only one that sees? No, vis a vis I am not. We all see, we are all sentient; yet for some we have lost consciousness. Upon our days we wallow in the subconscious hypocrisy of inner selves.
It is then we find no perceptual finalization of what we are truly meant to be. Thus we walk in beliefs that separate us, why, is it not unification that is important? nay, it never was; and I speak nothing against individuality. Yet without control, my mind laughs. Be I mad? no, thoughtful, verily.
So it is now I beseech you, listen truly, as it is within your very mind a secret lies. A hope, lain beautifully upon a diamond pedestal. What we seek is no less what we have sought, brought up as an orphan it lays dormant and waiting. Cryptically it justifies itself without any tendency to reveal its secret. Why then have we been brought up to believe in the world, when the world has, indeed, always chosen the ladder and turned it's back.
Thus, extensive within the mystery of finely steeled, and formatted words; I pose a question that will never possess an answer.


__We are nay but a grain of sand, so childish, we are within infinities hands.___
Where is it we go to find our sense of self? what does hope bring to those who remain indifferent. Who are we to pose no question on this realty, is it we who see the reality of what we thought was dead. We look for love, so we plant out feet and stand so strong; in time we find that out love is no more then what is left unread, unforgiving, and at times; damned and dead.
We scream out, that we are in doubt; have we been in forsaken. Stolen from us a god we once believed in, stolen from us a god that was true. Religion is a gimmick and we know the truth. The god we seek is indeed upon our lives, life bleeds, and now we see; that it's very blood is upon all of our hands.
We dream, as savages always do. We see no hope for what controversy we speak against, we choose to slaughter and lack forgiveness. We see now that we are fearful, we are fearful of what no one ever knows.
This is how life will be damned. We all fall, into a storm, we all repent...and we scream we shall repent; there is no home left within out homes. Begging for life to begin again. It is from the pestilence we flee.
The angels, shall steal us from sleep. The vicious thief can live a bliss like that of a white dove. The murderer can be forgiven, for victims whom he left with bloodied love. Is it us that have been forsaken, is it us that will see the fire rain down upon our heads... will life bleed upon our fears to know that we are forsaken, that there is no where we belong. There is no where we belong.
This can be a scary truth, if one believes such truth; so it is thus that many find comfort in believing the lack of truth. I am no martyr, and I see myself as no messenger. No, I am mere man; enlightened, I am not. My past much like that of many others, is dirty and unclean; filled with tears and vicious glares. But I find it comforting to know I have left this past behind, as it is the past that deems you no future. So I digress.

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Speak this thought, as no lie exist, into the night; we are desperate and broken. The father has spoken, spoken of true loves plight.
We are between heaven, we are lost; in hell.


I once loved, like many of us; I once sought an eternity of happiness. With an angel no less; but the trouble with angels is, they have a vicious tendency to steal your breath...at times. Lord knows why. I told her once, that I would tell the world, how much I loved her. "Just give me a podium" I swore it to myself. So it is now that I relinquish a memory, it is now my life must go forth. But for you who are curious. Here be our story, here is my final goodbye.

You know, I once said to you. That in life, we get moments...one for each of the many pillars of our existence.

For success.
For happiness.
For realization
For tears.
For knowledge.
For hope.
For inspiration.
For friendship.
For thought.
For a chance to aspire.
For philosophy.
For a chance to leave a mark.
For beauty.
For a chance to say goodbye.
For that one thing, undefinable by source...arbitrary by theory; understandable by god. It is the combination, fusion, and realization of every human emotion put into unconditional values, it is not lust or a desire...It is perfection, this is why it exist, as it is the closest we ever will come to what god has deemed us to be. It was for that moment, that I am thankful...It was for that feeling, that I thank you.I never want you to forget that. Because you, are like no other. It is what you deserve.
I have gone through so many ups and downs, since you left my life. So many twists and so many wrong turns. But with your memory; with the thoughts of you, the happiness that you gave me...and the power that you have shown me; and everything you've taught me. I was able to make it through so much.
It was my love for you, that has driven me past every obstacle, every jump...every tear...I've asked god for the strength to look away to forget your laugh, and voice, your mind and soul, to forget how you have changed who I am...but I never could, I never could forget who you are because you are incredible. You are Beautiful, and there is nothing in this world that can change that feeling. We were never meant to be together, I know this now. It took me some time, but I know now. It was my heart that dreamed a simple dream, my mind lead me away; there was no control over what I was feeling except how much I loved the girl I never knew. If I could turn back time, I would tell you I love you over and over again. I just hope to god, with every fiber of my very being, I hope to god that one day you can find happiness. No, I know you will...of course you will. One day you will find the most beautiful happiness; the most beautiful happiness you have ever known, and I will know, that the woman of my dreams is content...always content.

You deserve no less then the world. You deserve no less then a gorgeous ascendancy. You climb mountains, and cross seas, follow rivers, and travel to heavens...because you're an angel. That's all you've ever been. Everyone in the world should know that Sidra Ilahi, the woman who's name itself means life. Everyone in the world should know; that you are life. And you have touched mine, in ways you could never understand. Even if I could write forever...words could never convey it. I've loved you forever Sidra, since before the time I even knew you existed...I was born to love you, and that is how I will always feel...be you a dream or my reality, I would never want to change it either way. Because it is perfection we strive for it is happiness we pursue; it is hope which we live for. I know not how your life has changed. but I can only hope it has changed for the best; my prayers are with you everyday, and my thoughts are always with you; from the time you wake in the morning, till the time you rest your beautiful head to sleep. I love you girl, I love you forever and ever. This letter can go on for an eternity...and I would write it. You know I would. Because you deserve my eternity.Be happy girl, and keep laughing that gorgeous laugh of yours, keeping breathing that beautiful air you breathe; and waking up making the sun jealous in the morning...it better be damn jealous; or else I'll have to take it out.






___Indecision brings, the kings and queens of promise___


I'll always remember our great conversations; they lasted for hours, and how you'd listen to my philosophies you made me feel like I was on top of the world. I was. Hours flew by, and the sun would rise...every moment spent knowing I had you, was a sunrise. I remember you told me you danced in the rain once, that image burned into my mind, that image, is like art. A masterpiece...no less.
I'll never forget anything you ever told me, but this is my last thought; my last message to you, baby, If your reading this I love you. So much. I know you have connections to Heaven Sidra, so when you spread your wings on those days you feel like flying; say hello to my stepfather for me, he's up there now...I'm sure you've met him. That's it, that's all I have to say; because I never got to say goodbye to you. But that's unimportant, what's important, is that I love you. And I always will. Stay strong babe, stay beautiful, stay lovely, stay you...forever. Yeah, I'll be with you forever; no matter what; that's a promise.





____Beg, for resolution, seek where the wind begins.___
Dear reader, see you not how love burns our hearts. Call me weak, or call me strong. It is with this letter I convey a message, a message to all those who have found a love of such; and all those who seek it. Let it not burn your heart so be a wise and passionate fool; as it is fools who are destroyed, and if obtained, if understood by both; let it burn furiously...as there is no such power that is in itself an extension of God; as love. I speak from the heart, I speak from a journey like no other. I pray you understand my plight.


It is now I look to the skies, to hear the angels call. Upon my mind flows a river, unlike any other at all. Tonight's the night; come follow me if you will. This silver river flows with me, so there I go to the north, beyond what my hope has shown me. I've seen this young heart, as it has cried, for freedom...for hope. Then I ask you dear reader what is hope? Is it where I can find myself, in my own heart...a vague attempt to be complete. I have journeyed near and far, through fire and ice, through wind and water. I have looked to the beginning it is there I find no end...so there at the end, I find no beginning. The darkest days fill the air I find no light there, and yet I search for a savior; this one who shall set me free. Call me weak as I wait on god then I question be you a fool?. Tonight I wait on rain, as the clouds have not flown by in vain; is it them I envy? for their freedom, or is it they who envy us.




___We speak in tongues to the origin of freedom___


It is us I have found, that are prisoners of our very freedom, we grow bored, tired, confused and childish, sinful and selfish, we lose hope in what brings us the most comfort; and together we stand as we wait for any beckoning call. Migrating, near and far---to where the wind ends and where it begins; we stop for time and question the sublime...then go on, never knowing the end.




_Leave yourself, unhindered, as you are a mysterious definition_

I have found no solid answer, so I breathe a breath and beg for fresh air; is this why I envy the clouds? or be I merely a fool. Struggle it's definition, like love, is undefinable for its size. Struggle is what we've come to understand as our everyday lives; we beg for reprieve. It is then we find our hope, all to be incomplete; and we search for more. We question ourselves and wonder where we will go next, a never ending journey--through rain and snow. Incomplete we are, unrefined we are...it is us who are indeed driven by fallacy. So many of us have come to overlook the beauty, so many of us have forgotten what it means to be alive...as we are enemies. So we struggle through rain and snow, and upon the earth we dig for that which will make our lives clear; clear. Then were, do we find clarity, where do we find our completion. I have known once, In a time long ago, when I was given strength like everyone else. when I was supplied with hope...within a dream, a dream I dared to escape, I have found my freedom.



__Seek the sky__

So it is now I seek the sky, I seek the sky, forever. It forever more I seek what is in beauties eyes. It is forever, that I seek peace; a hopes reprise. I seek peace. I have wrought peace. I know now that my heart is content; free. Beyond what is, and what has been; it is so that the fire burned. Within my soul I cross seas, within my heart I find strength. Forever more, it is that is seek the eyes of the hawk. This is hope my friend, this is inspiration to go on living, as we are but dust in the sunlight. Drifting aimlessly, our reality objectively conclusive. Our very existences, colliding. We never forget; we never remember, it is just us; we are one. No less and no little. You see, in truth we live forever; in reality we can fly. Around the world, life can be felt, touched, saved, understood. Minds can be read; this is us as a dream. But be we dreamers? nay, we are not dreamers; but the dreams of the dreams of dreams. Our breath is one, upon the others we fly, our breath is forever; felt and seen like that of a cold winters eve. Do you not see what we are is no mere illusion; we are not science, we are not individual, we are hateful, we are not foul. We are but children; loved as eternity can love forever. Mountains and rivers we are, as we scale the timeline.



__Thus the Children sang__
there is no end, heaven is here, we have just overlooked it; as there is Deus in all of us. Sought by love, compassion, and fire; a fire that burns forever. The secret has been known forever. Our lives have been touched. We scream out love, and peace; we all scream in one unified final breath. Yet none of us know the very secret in which we all hold. Our lives, and love are united by an ongoing existence that could never be overlooked; It all has made sense. I have chosen to journey forever; as what I seek, has never been found. What I have sought; has destroyed what I could have wrought. It is in sacrifice of memories that we learn we are immortal. It is where the wind begins, and where it ends; that the many travelers through the generations will forever search for. I say no less, and I speak no little, as I have found our hope lies within. Human beings, have sought to fly; we have flown. We forever will fly, it is thus that we seek never to touch the ground. Reality does not beckon, as a dream is merely your future foretold; the dreams you have hold what is righteous in the world of men. Take hold...Live forever, learn that when love is brought to you...Take forever, a hold, and never, ever let go. My dear friend. We are free. Free to be, whoever we choose to be. As heaven exist within this world; heaven exist within all of our hearts. See it now for it reveals it self to you.

__10 million days, through the mountains__
Let these words echo far, let them echo to a heart and to hearts I have never known; let my prayer be heard. As god, lives within all of our hearts. It is so that my words shall nay be forgotten; no less for 10 billion nights, 10 billion fights, and 10 billion hearts. 10 billion people, who in turn are much like 10 billion sheep, 10 billion years. For the sake of my mind, much less, it has been 10 billion years; and yet...I still can't sleep.


"Here Be Hope"
C. Antonious Vatic
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