Family scared me

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Reply Tue 2 Oct, 2007 12:43 pm
Family scared me
Hi, i remmeber a day, a woman that was asking for donations and selling stuff door to door came to my house, she was telling me about how "the family" helped so much and all that, and i had no idea what it was about but i thought it was good since it was involving god and helping other people and raising funds etc.

i went to dinner with them (a family, of "the family" husband and wife, and 5 sons and daughters) so it was ok, i talked to them and it was fun, but i was feeling rather sick, so i had fever some days ago, and my dad said something that i wanted to be a missionary.

you know it feels kinda strange and im a bit scared now, because maybe they drugged me or something, i dont know, do they use brainwashing? i am really struggling with myself because i feel like a part of me is sleeping and something else took control, but not totally, what should i do?
 
WalkerJ 1
 
Reply Tue 2 Oct, 2007 02:20 pm
Re: Family scared me
Davidod wrote:
you know it feels kinda strange and im a bit scared now, because maybe they drugged me or something, i dont know, do they use brainwashing? i am really struggling with myself because i feel like a part of me is sleeping and something else took control, but not totally, what should i do?


First, I'd recommend seeing a doctor. You might just have food poisoning or you might be feeling run down. Second, I'd say you need to stop being so paranoid.

If symptoms persist, see a psychiatrist. (Blimey! I'm a poet)
 
JASONLANIK
 
Reply Thu 4 Oct, 2007 12:57 am
Re: Family scared me
WalkerJ wrote:
Davidod wrote:
you know it feels kinda strange and im a bit scared now, because maybe they drugged me or something, i dont know, do they use brainwashing? i am really struggling with myself because i feel like a part of me is sleeping and something else took control, but not totally, what should i do?


First, I'd recommend seeing a doctor. You might just have food poisoning or you might be feeling run down. Second, I'd say you need to stop being so paranoid.

If symptoms persist, see a psychiatrist. (Blimey! I'm a poet)

I highly doubt that you were drugged by the FI. They were never into using drugs for any kind of use. I hardly ever heard about drugs much less knew about the effects of drugs untill I was out of the family. I would also suggest you not be so paranoid. That is what I think anyway. Whatever you do JUST SAY NO when it comes to the FI. I have 16 years of expierience in the FI.
 
Anonymous
 
Reply Mon 8 Oct, 2007 02:01 pm
It wasn't all bad
I had 12 years experience in the group. I joined when it was the Children of God and sex was not even allowed among single members. We were told to be celebate and wait until we were married. However, when flirty fishing came out things changed....but I personally never heard of or saw any sex between adult members and children in any of the Homes I was in. If I had I would have certainly been 'up in arms' about it as I didn't (nor still do) agree with anything like that.

85% of the time I lived with really decent people and the times I was concerned was more for physical abuse by 3 different men over that 12 years because they were pretty heavy handed with their idea of discipline. I even reported each of them and they got raked over the coals for it and one was even demoted from leadership.

I didn't agree with everythng in the Family, but there again I didn't agree with everything in the Church either, or even with society in general even these days (and I've been out of the Family for 17 years). I joined the Family (COG then) to witness, be a missionary, teach my kids the Word of God....all good points...and I was able to do that. My kids have all grown up fine and even after I left and heard all the stuff coming out about adults and kids having sex, I questioned my kids and they said nothing like that ever happened to them, personally. I believe my kids would have told me the truth as we are all very close and they all have good memories.

All this to say that there was good and bad in being in the Family. Personally, I had more good times than bad.... in my witnessing (it wasn't all about money as someone else suggested), our performing at orphanages, schools, hospitals etc. even many very, very good friendships, travelling to other countries etc. My number one reason for being there was to be a missionary and I believe I did that to the best of my ability. Amazing miracles happened through prayer, people's lives were changed for the better and I loved what I did. (teaching school, performing, writing to or phoning people I met, giving Bible studies etc)

I chose to leave because I was getting older (I was 24 when I first joined)and wanted a bit more stability and felt I needed a rest. I worked hard, but no harder than I've since worked in other things, but I did need a rest as I felt burned out. I had planned on going back when I felt more rested, but instead chose to stay out but stay in touch. Over the years, I've lost touch with most family members I knew but no more than losing touch with other people I've worked with over the years or went to school with. Different times, different friends, places, jobs etc.

Perhaps it was because most of my friends in the Family and I chose to travel around together as much as possible, and the fact we chose to live away from the big cities and huge homes that spared us some of the horrendous tales others have told. Who knows? I believe the Lord has been very good to me and my family over the years both in and out of the COG/Family.

I remember a lot of my time in the COG/Family with great fondness and it grieves me to hear that others have suffered so much. Don't let it ever turn you off God, reading the Bible, praying, and witnessing to others though....as serving God is the most rewarding job there is when it is done honestly and properly.
 
Anonymous
 
Reply Tue 9 Oct, 2007 06:57 pm
You skipped over a few things. Did you or your partner ever FF or share with others in the homes where you lived? If so, were your children aware of it? Do all your children have the same mother/father?
 
Anonymous
 
Reply Thu 11 Oct, 2007 02:23 pm
re: your questions Curious:

I legally married in the Family. We went 'FFing together.....perhaps to a nice bar where I would get chatting to someone and then invite him to the table. We would talk about things pertaining to the Lord (that was the reason both my husband and I joined the Family for). Being a monogonous type of person, it didn't interest me in flirty fishing in a sexual way. I found I could attract men (and women) just by being nice to them and interested in them and what they had to say. I agreed with flirty fishing in principle...using the feminine 'wiles' to attract a man to want to talk to you, but that's as far as it went with me. My husband didn't do any flirting, he just enjoyed witnessing.

As for sharing....I am not the type of person to ever do anything I don't want to do and no-one can force me into it. I didn't want to share, so I didn't. Yes, I was called 'selfish' by some who thought the poor single boys needed someone to show them a bit of love, but it wasn't anything I did because I was forced, fearful of being punished for or anything. I just said 'No' and that was it.

I never made a video to 'Father' David on anything and although I read many of the letters that came in, I didn't agree with them all. I thought some were 'over the top' but I just looked upon it, I guess, like any other things that even the system has to offer and gets away with. There are a lot of things I don't agree with 'in the world' but I don't let those things dictate to me and I don't leave the world because of some things I disagree with (if you understand my drift).

We were mostly in a Family Home (even uprooting and travelling together) that we were happy in and were doing what we wanted to do with very little supervision (not being in the big City).

I have 4 children. Three have the same father. I was married once before to someone who was not a Christian and treated me badly and I had a child. I have 3 children to my 2nd husband.
 
Anonymous
 
Reply Fri 12 Oct, 2007 03:28 pm
From everything you've described, you weren't following the Mo Letters too closely and were shielded from having to kowtow to insane demands for conformity from local leadership. Were you ever classified as IRFers or associate members? It seems to me there's a caste system in TF where there are folks such as yourself who have a relatively benign experience and others who were literally tortured. The closer one gets to the top leadership and World Services, the more prevalent the abuse.

I have long held that a valid study of TF as a new religious movement would involve an analysis of the varying levels of initiation into the leadership structure.
 
Anonymous
 
Reply Sat 13 Oct, 2007 02:19 pm
My time in the Family
Well, I guess I was my own person, just like I am today. We read the MO letters, and actually many of them made a lot of sense and were good advice (mostly in the Early Days). I guess those in my Home and I were 'pickers'. We picked out what we wanted and left the rest. We weren't really in touch that often with leadership because we were down in the 'sticks' far away from the Head Honchos. We just loved witnessing and yes, even provisioning. It gave us a chance to witness to the people about the Lord and they were quite happy to bless us with their products. Anything we had over (and we weren't greedy), we gave away to those less fortunate.

I enjoyed the 'idea' of the Family way of life (communal living and working together with likeminded people) and being able to witness and win souls without the added burden of having 3/4 of my life taken up with a secular job from 9-5.

We were fulltime members for many years, then my family and I decided to 'settle down' and we became associate members for a while, and then we just continued with our life as non-members and gradually lost touch with all but a few good friends.

I don't regret my actual time in the Family, but I am deeply saddened that so many people were abused.

It would be interesting to know the percentage of people who are actually said to be abusers that were in the Family compared to those who (like myself) were in it for the same reasons I was and didn't abuse others. e.g. I was in a home once that had 1 man who was extremely abusive (physically and mentally - but not sexually) and we stood up to him and had him raked over the coals. Another man was abusive only to his own children and spanked them too hard and expected too much of them. He didn't stay in our Home for too long either. The other 18 adults in the home were lovely and we had no problems there once the 'adult terrors' had been removed!

It makes me sad that even all the good that was done by the Family members themselves has been besmirched by the abuse of some.

I wrote a book for my children a few years ago about our journey in the Family....miracles that happened, travelling we did, the Shows we performed at Hospitals, orphanages etc. and it was so easy to write it. Very few thoughts of negative aspects came into mind. And no, I was not in denial....I just chose to write about our life as we lived it and it is a truly inspiring book and gives glory to God, not the Family.

I think some people lived more for the Family and the status of being 'in the Family' and being in control of something, whereas many were there just to serve the Lord.
 
Arssle
 
Reply Tue 16 Oct, 2007 10:53 am
The family dosen't drug people. Laughing
 
JASONLANIK
 
Reply Wed 17 Oct, 2007 04:26 pm
Anonymous wrote:
re: your questions Curious:

I legally married in the Family. We went 'FFing together.....perhaps to a nice bar where I would get chatting to someone and then invite him to the table. We would talk about things pertaining to the Lord (that was the reason both my husband and I joined the Family for). Being a monogonous type of person, it didn't interest me in flirty fishing in a sexual way. I found I could attract men (and women) just by being nice to them and interested in them and what they had to say. I agreed with flirty fishing in principle...using the feminine 'wiles' to attract a man to want to talk to you, but that's as far as it went with me. My husband didn't do any flirting, he just enjoyed witnessing.

As for sharing....I am not the type of person to ever do anything I don't want to do and no-one can force me into it. I didn't want to share, so I didn't. Yes, I was called 'selfish' by some who thought the poor single boys needed someone to show them a bit of love, but it wasn't anything I did because I was forced, fearful of being punished for or anything. I just said 'No' and that was it.

I never made a video to 'Father' David on anything and although I read many of the letters that came in, I didn't agree with them all. I thought some were 'over the top' but I just looked upon it, I guess, like any other things that even the system has to offer and gets away with. There are a lot of things I don't agree with 'in the world' but I don't let those things dictate to me and I don't leave the world because of some things I disagree with (if you understand my drift).

We were mostly in a Family Home (even uprooting and travelling together) that we were happy in and were doing what we wanted to do with very little supervision (not being in the big City).

before to someone whoI have 4 children. Three have the same father. I was married once was not a Christian and treated me badly and I had a child. I have 3 children to my 2nd husband.

How did you get so fortunate in the FI?
Most of the people that shared your same feelings and outlook were delt with or kicked out of the group. Were you in leadership? I would bet the number of ex members that were abused by the FI are far more than thoes that had good times in the FI. It's good to hear that at least some members just said no! Good for you. Jason
 
Anonymous
 
Reply Fri 19 Oct, 2007 11:46 pm
"Were you in leadership?"

No, Jason I wasn't. In the early years (Late 70's) I was the wife of a District Shepherd but we were never abusive. For many years we were Home shepherds of a few homes, but never abusive. I've never known my husband to have a mean bone in his body. I guess a lot might have to do with who was running the homes, or perhaps very pushy type people in the homes. I guess we were mostly fortunate to work and live with some really good people.

There were a few that we had run in with and some that even were asked to leave or move to another home, but on the whole we were indeed blessed in that respect.

I've heard tales of people saying that they weren't even allowed to go home to visit their families (parents etc), but my parents came to stay when we were overseas on a few occasions and were warmly welcomed and even our work was put on hold so we could take them places. Even back in Australia, I used to travel 1 hour on the train to visit my parents twice a month...on my own....with my 3 kids and even left the kids with them on occasion or they took them places.

Honestly, my heart goes out to anyone who really was abused by certain members of the Family, but there were also some really good people in it too. I stopped and had a think about it yesterday on just how many people I actually lived in homes with over the years, and how many I could count who I could say were actually abusive - spanking too hard and too often, being mean etc. I came up with approx. 200 people over the 12 years who I lived with and I could only think of 10 who I or my kids could actually class as mean and nasty and definitely abusive. Of course we met other family members at DAFM's and GAFM's and things, but it wasn't like we really knew them as we hadn't lived with them or worked with them closely.

I also spoke to my best friend yesterday (14 years in the Family, now no longer in it due to getting older and wanting a bit of quiet and to be on her own a lot more) and mentioned this site and some of the things that were said and she was aghast. We had been in the same home for quite a while, but she also lived at other homes I hadn't (5 homes altogether). She said there were some that were abusive physically, emotionally or mentally (about the same as my experiences), but she had never known any sexual abuse anywhere she was or kids sharing under the age of 16 and then it was kids approx. their own age. Her daughter (14 years in the Family from the age of 13) was also amazed and said she had never come across it except once, and the guy who was trying to get the young girl (15) to go to bed with him was raked over the coals and threatened with excommunication if it happened again.

So, please excuse me if we seem shocked at the majority of things we have read. I'm not doubting anyone and if it happened as you say, then it is so sad because anything good in the Family would have been erased by those things happening.

Surely some people must have had good experiences serving the Lord even in the Family? Or perhaps they don't come to this website. I only came onto it because my daughter found it and was shocked at what was written.
 
JASONLANIK
 
Reply Sat 20 Oct, 2007 12:22 am
TO Guest about abuse
It is good to hear that your daughters were not subjected to the kind of abuse that myself along with many other teens and children were. I was raised in the FAMILY from 1972 to 1986 in the Philippines. I had no bad sexual expieriences although I was fully active sexually in the "SHARING" years. There was alot of physical abuse from many male and female adults. I know alot of things have changed in the FAMILY for the better. At least for the innocent children. I also knew alot of abusive leadership personally that are still in the FAMILY and that is reason for concern or at least awareness. I was dealt with as a teen and abused under Sam Perfilio and Kezias aka Mary's leadership. They are both still very active in the FAMILY INTERNATIONAL and are still in the top leadership group.
Let me elaborate a little on the physical and the mental abuse. This Mo letter was written about me.

http://pubs.xfamily.org/text.php?t=1512

Teen Terrors
David Berg

—Crime & Punishment
 
Anonymous
 
Reply Sat 20 Oct, 2007 07:35 pm
What I have always found most reprehensible about that particular ML is the way Berg talked about sending troubled teens back "home" to grandparents or other biological family members, as though the parents had no responsibility for their offspring and could just dump them somewhere and get on with the work of saving souls. What screwed up priorities. That's one of the main reasons I left TF. I could not stomach the thought of putting "the work" ahead of my children. They didn't ask to be brought into the world, and the least I could do was give them a decent shot at life.
 
JASONLANIK
 
Reply Sat 20 Oct, 2007 11:59 pm
SCREWED UP PRIORITIES
BE wrote:
What I have always found most reprehensible about that particular ML is the way Berg talked about sending troubled teens back "home" to grandparents or other biological family members, as though the parents had no responsibility for their offspring and could just dump them somewhere and get on with the work of saving souls. What screwed up priorities. That's one of the main reasons I left TF. I could not stomach the thought of putting "the work" ahead of my children. They didn't ask to be brought into the world, and the least I could do was give them a decent shot at life.

All Berg really cared about was his own agenda and everyone following it. It did not matter what age or who you were.
If you were not completely sold out to his way of living and doing things then you were as bad as the devil himself thus proving that he really did not care about you or your soul.
 
Anonymous
 
Reply Sun 21 Oct, 2007 12:53 am
Just a question Jason, Were you guilty of the things that you were accused of? If so, the things you did were quite wrong and you chose to do them, you weren't co-erced into doing them. I do know that not all the teens in the Teen Home followed you and that some of them were quite disgusted at the behaviour.
 
Anonymous
 
Reply Sun 21 Oct, 2007 08:45 am
I've always pretty much assumed Jason did the things he was accused of doing because it was an understandable response to his situation as he perceived it. My frame of reference is that adolescents who act out with antisocial behavior open their families up to intervention by outside authorities (i.e., the police, social services). There's a perverse heroism going on in the role of family scapegoat.

This perspective on conduct disordered youth doesn't mean I condone their antisocial behavior. It's just a case where lemons can be turned into lemonade with the right interventions. The unfortunate thing in the PI "teen terror" case is that it didn't result in an effective outside intervention by authorities, but to an extremely abusive internal repression.

Assuming Jason didn't go on to become a career criminal, I'd say his adolescent antisocial behavior fits the classic "cry for help" scenario that juvenile courts deal with every day. It's one of the main reasons we have juvenile court & correctional systems and don't generally prosecute "troubled teens" in adult courts and send them to adult prisons. The recent trend in US courts to prosecute older adolescents as adults is based on a belief that certain youth have become incorrigible.
 
JASONLANIK
 
Reply Sun 21 Oct, 2007 07:17 pm
Reply to "EFM"
EFM wrote:
Just a question Jason, Were you guilty of the things that you were accused of? If so, the things you did were quite wrong and you chose to do them, you weren't co-erced into doing them. I do know that not all the teens in the Teen Home followed you and that some of them were quite disgusted at the behaviour.

Yes I was guilty of most of the things mentioned in the ML and yes I would agree that throwing eggs at houses and getting into fights with the local street gangs was wrong. I never did anything demonic or harm any innocent people in my actions. One thing mentioned in the ML "teen terrors" that I was not guilty of was having an unhealthy attitude about sex or women. I started "sharing" (having sex) at the age of 12 and always had great times with everyone I shared with. I even made sure the unatractive girls needs were taken care of (talk about a sacrifice)
I only remember one other male teen that chose not to participate. It was guy things we were doing and never involved female teens. The kind of mis conduct we were doing would have been considered normal teen behavior in the outside world. I was 13 at the time. I had good relationships and friendships with every teen in the camp. Alot of kissing ass and cover up was done by the other teens after we were busted because they were scared to death. It was so serious of a situation that regardless of guilt, innocence or repentance. I was never looked at the same after that.
The "crimes" I committed does not excuse the "punishment" I received.
 
mrj123
 
Reply Sun 18 Nov, 2007 11:43 pm
JASONLANIK wrote:
This Mo letter was written about me.

http://pubs.xfamily.org/text.php?t=1512

Teen Terrors
David Berg

—Crime & Punishment


Jason, good on you for rebelling. I hope there is a revolt by the children in TFI. In the country where I live, most of the young people are revolting against the organization and are on there way out. I think this is great.

I sure hope your a Christian, because Jesus was a rebel who rebeled against tryanny himself, and TF leadership is definitely full of tyranny. Your the greatest teen terror in TFI, good on you for rebelling bro! I believe you were rebelling against tryanny, and I commed you for not taking crap from the people who abused you.

Keep going strong in the faith.
 
JASONLANIK
 
Reply Mon 19 Nov, 2007 06:17 pm
To mrj123
mrj123 wrote:
JASONLANIK wrote:
This Mo letter was written about me.

http://pubs.xfamily.org/text.php?t=1512

Teen Terrors
David Berg

—Crime & Punishment


Jason, good on you for rebelling. I hope there is a revolt by the children in TFI. In the country where I live, most of the young people are revolting against the organization and are on there way out. I think this is great.

I sure hope your a Christian, because Jesus was a rebel who rebeled against tryanny himself, and TF leadership is definitely full of tyranny. Your the greatest teen terror in TFI, good on you for rebelling bro! I believe you were rebelling against tryanny, and I commed you for not taking crap from the people who abused you.

Keep going strong in the faith.


Thank you James . You just made my day :wink: .
Yes I am a Christian and always stood by the Holy Bible and have no other "helpers" involved in my religion anymore. I am not a dependant in need of a church either. I am my own church and pastor and when confessions are made , that is between me and the almighty. It does'nt really matter what church or organization one belongs to just as long as we are all on the same page right?
Anyway thank you for your support here James. Keep up the post.
 
mrj123
 
Reply Wed 21 Nov, 2007 10:24 am
Your right Jason, all you need is the Holy Bible and you are able to follow God 100%

Keep up the great work! Very Happy
 
 

 
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