Re: How does one get over the guilt?
The biggest war criminals of the 20th century were atheistic marxist-Leninist, motivated by a hatred of any form of religious belief!

Indeed by sheer numbers, if you include the gang of 4 and all of Mao's purges, Stalin, etc the Marxist Leninist lobby win hands down. Though you might not want to pursue that one to hard as the record shows the professors of faith can still be out in the awesome category of methods, numbers and brutality.

However Mao was not professing to be a healer of the sick, a leader of the blind and giver to the poor (unless he was taking it from the rich by force) The shame of religion is that it professes to be one thing, light to the world etc etc, but in actuality includes some of the most treacherous barbaric and just plain awful hypocrites around. 'Whited sepulchers full of dead men's bones'. is how someone put it. and, 'if the light that be in you be darkness, how great is that darkness'. this false pretense is what has led to innumerable cover ups and condemnations, and is one of the leading reasons why religious is so abhorrent to many people. a trend which is increasing rapidly and would appear rather well deserved.

Re:


Indeed by sheer numbers, if you include the gang of 4 and all of Mao's purges, Stalin, etc the Marxist Leninist lobby win hands down. Though you might not want to pursue that one to hard as the record shows the professors of faith can still be out in the awesome category of methods, numbers and brutality.

However Mao was not professing to be a healer of the sick, a leader of the blind and giver to the poor (unless he was taking it from the rich by force) The shame of religion is that it professes to be one thing, light to the world etc etc, but in actuality includes some of the most treacherous barbaric and just plain awful hypocrites around. 'Whited sepulchers full of dead men's bones'. is how someone put it. and, 'if the light that be in you be darkness, how great is that darkness'. this false pretense is what has led to innumerable cover ups and condemnations, and is one of the leading reasons why religious is so abhorrent to many people. a trend which is increasing rapidly and would appear rather well deserved.

I don't know how anyone could ever allow thier children to be abused by anyone. It's beyond disgusting. Did you come here hoping to hear that it's ok, that you shouldn't feel so bad? Well guess what, it isn't and you should. You deserve to feel guilty until your dying day. Your children will never get over the abuse. You failed them miserably as a mother and you don't deserve forgiveness.

I don't know if you ever check this post but I just wanted to tell you that I admire you for telling the truth and feeling bad means you actually care about your children. I was abused in many homes and my parents still act like it never happened like I'm overreacting and I need to just get over it but the pain never goes away. I feel so alone I wish my mom was like you and would just say she's sorry and my dad too but instead they rather call me crazy and dramatic your a good mom.

I think the act of forgiving when something bad has happened to you is a very personal thing and no one should presume to tell you that you should forgive or when you should forgive. Maybe being angry at the abuser is more important than forgiving them. Are they repentant? Probably not. They do not deserve forgiveness and forgiveness might just be another word for supressing the bad things that happened. Frankly, I've had my fill of people tellin g me to forgive and forget. We weren't taught to fight back in the family, to stand our ground and say, "F**k you! Get your hands off me and stop hurting me!" I think if there is anything we who were abused need to learn it is how to be angry and stand up for ourselves, not how to forgive.

Lynn,
I am sorry to have to say this but you deserve every ounce of guilt and pain you are feeling. Through your apparent ignorance you have do doubt seriously injured your daughter for life.
And yes, I can say that because I am one seriously injured daughter myself.

i don't think the guilt over this will ever go away you just have to learn to live with it so to speak... i am glad that you as a parent have acknowledged what happened in this 'group" i was a child in it that was abused and my mother 'apologises" for it but then says"but" you asked for it.. to me that is not an apology at all my brother recently took his own life and i know part of his problems where do to what we went thru as children in this group my mother actually had the nerve to say"i think what your brother rememembered was made up in his head" she said this after he died... wow! i didnt think she would go to that low of a level... right now it's all i can do to even be around her i commend you for admitting things were not right and it sounds like your daughter has forgiven now you need to let it go and move forward ...

Guilt is not good or useful, even if society or authority or the heart's need for recompense claim to require it. Guilt is, after all, external because we feel that some resolve will come from it. Simply suffering is self destructive and many say a sign of self-loathing. The only internal situation is shame because it is from shame that renewal comes. One simply cannot turn back time. There is no goodness or productivity from this awful pit. In the war I killed- and not just soldiers with guns aimed at me. I felt nothing- even joked about it with my buddies. We all did. When I got back I was introduced to my soullessnes in "Just doing my job as a soldier". I don't need to elaborate, but I do need to say that my healing came in recognizing what I had done, that what was done was done, there is no returning and no matter how I planned to punish myself it wouldn't matter. I came to know that if only I should continue on living my life the best way I could in the most natural and sane way I could, to let love in and simply carry on, it made the selfishness of guilt not only ridiculous for me, but absolutely useless. I came back, went to college, got married for love (the only reason to marry), help create and raise my children and not care what others thought about me. I have no use for the pity others put on me so they can vicariously get their kicks from whjat they think is my suffering. And I don't want any favors. That to me is closure, not like those folks whose loved ones were killed and continued bitterness and suffering until the killer was found, then dragged themselves back into court so "avengement" could cure them. Those people never heal. Object lesson. I didn't "get over", I left it in the dust where it belonged. Thus, I have led a wonderful and happy life. Anyway, that's all I ever really wished for. I wish for you the same.

Lynn, I see that you wrote this post 10 years ago, and I hope that by now you have attained a measure of peace.

fwiw, I have written a blog on this very topic. In the hopes that it may help you along your journey, here is the link. It is anonymous, as I wish to be able to share my opinions and even some secrets without worry.

http://comingtogripswith.blogspot.jp/