Time Travel Is A Waste (of my time)

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Reply Sun 11 Dec, 2005 11:08 am
Time Travel Is A Waste (of my time)
So I was trying to travel back in time to warn myself not to see Star Wars Episode 1, but my god damn flux capacitor broke and I got stuck. I figured while I was there and figuring out how to get back, I may as well cover a bit more ground.

I spent about 2 days explaining to myself stuff I thought I would need to know, like "don't set the house on fire to impress your girlfriend" and "don't sleep with that girl from the party because she has crabs" and "stop falling asleep when your future self is trying to tell you things." All the usual stuff.

I realized, though, that I've learned a lot about life the last few years by sitting on the couch watching Simpsons episodes and playing cell-phone games. So I didn't mess with a good thing like that.

I did give myself a few stock tips though (I recommended Enron, because I remember hearing a lot of buzz about them a while back), and then decided it was time I returned to the present to reap the benefits of the better life I had sowed.

When I returned home, I found to my dismay that I was still living in the same crummy apartment, and worse, I was out of beer. I then remembered that when you travel back in time you don't travel linearly along the space-time continuum, but rather to an identical point in a parallel universe, preventing grisly paradox mishaps and preserving the histories of infinite universes. So all the work I just did was for nothing. Hopefully in a few years I'll remember to travel back in time to warn myself not to waste my time going back in time to tell myself not to see Star Wars Episode 1, because it's not going to matter.

In any case, if anybody here is currently working on a time travel prototype, I would suggest you focus on more productive things.
 
evanman
 
Reply Sun 11 Dec, 2005 02:36 pm
If Time Travel were possible--how come we have never seen any people who have come from the future?

Oh yes, of course. People won't be able to travel back in time yet, because time travel hasn't been invented yet!
 
Monger 1
 
Reply Sun 11 Dec, 2005 03:24 pm
evanman wrote:
If Time Travel were possible--how come we have never seen any people who have come from the future?

A few possibilities:

  • Any that reach our time are promptly locked up in asylums.[/*:m]
  • MIB-style flashy thingies.[/*:m]
  • They do in fact live among us, following strict rules to never reveal themselves.[/*:m]
  • We don't live in a sufficiently interesting period of history for people to choose it as a point to travel to.[/*:m]
  • Time travel is very rarely acheived sucessfully, and never reached the levels of our tourism industry. Hence, the odds of meeting an odd time traveller are slim.[/*:m]
  • Life becomes extinct before the process is perfected.[/*:m]
  • Two words: Magic Keys. Nothing is impossible if you believe.[/*:m]

That's all beside the point though. I suggest you wrap up your doubts towards my tale in a little bundle of faith, place it on the shelf, then immediately exorcise yourself from any number of comically-named demons who would have you believe in the lies of the time travel detractors & apostates. They stop at nothing in their quest to make you perceive me as a buffoon.
 
Indian Joe 1
 
Reply Sun 11 Dec, 2005 05:51 pm
Re: Time Travel Is A Waste (of my time)
Monger wrote:
So I was trying to travel back in time to warn myself not to see Star Wars Episode 1, but my god damn flux capacitor broke and I got stuck.


Is your flux capacitor version 2.4 or above? If not, it is only reliable while running plutonium from Libya.

Maybe if we sweeten up the article about Faithy she will help with the proper connections.
 
Jack 2
 
Reply Tue 13 Dec, 2005 05:01 pm
You have DeLorean?
 
 

 
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