Time Travel Is A Waste (of my time)
So I was trying to travel back in time to warn myself not to see Star Wars Episode 1, but my god damn flux capacitor broke and I got stuck. I figured while I was there and figuring out how to get back, I may as well cover a bit more ground.

I spent about 2 days explaining to myself stuff I thought I would need to know, like "don't set the house on fire to impress your girlfriend" and "don't sleep with that girl from the party because she has crabs" and "stop falling asleep when your future self is trying to tell you things." All the usual stuff.

I realized, though, that I've learned a lot about life the last few years by sitting on the couch watching Simpsons episodes and playing cell-phone games. So I didn't mess with a good thing like that.

I did give myself a few stock tips though (I recommended Enron, because I remember hearing a lot of buzz about them a while back), and then decided it was time I returned to the present to reap the benefits of the better life I had sowed.

When I returned home, I found to my dismay that I was still living in the same crummy apartment, and worse, I was out of beer. I then remembered that when you travel back in time you don't travel linearly along the space-time continuum, but rather to an identical point in a parallel universe, preventing grisly paradox mishaps and preserving the histories of infinite universes. So all the work I just did was for nothing. Hopefully in a few years I'll remember to travel back in time to warn myself not to waste my time going back in time to tell myself not to see Star Wars Episode 1, because it's not going to matter.

In any case, if anybody here is currently working on a time travel prototype, I would suggest you focus on more productive things.