Can someone please help me?

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Reply Mon 29 Oct, 2007 11:19 pm
Can someone please help me?
I'm lost. I'm walking a fine line between sanity and madness. My family (minus their father) is severly wounded by the damage their dad did to them. Such a long story, like all of yours and I'm so sorry that all of our lives ended up, in there being a need for us to seek each other for support. I can't see through all of this mess. I keep trying to process that my life, my kids' lives, has been sadistically twisted. I can't even believe I'm on this site - this isn't the road that life is suppposed to lead you on. There have been a few moments over the past month where I have actually thought my mind was going to shatter. Then, logic kicks in and tells me I'm the only one they have to keep them safe. I don't want this 'lot' in life and it pisses me off. Someone through me something to let me know, we all get through this. Please.
 
Arssle
 
Reply Tue 30 Oct, 2007 08:35 am
Re: Can someone please help me?
Fogive me but could you possibly be more specific? People would have a hard time helping you if they didn't understand what you were talking about. But for what it's worth, I'm sorry that you feel this way.
 
Anonymous
 
Reply Sat 3 Nov, 2007 12:55 am
Don't worry. It doesn't matter that you are not specific. Maybe someone could help more if you were more specific but I know how you feel. I luckily have had the opportunity to "assimilate" into society, go to University, and establish a great career. By all accounts most people would consider me a successful young person with a promising future. I have a loving partner and a good circle of friends, but at times, I too feel I am coming apart at the seams. Something is terribly wrong. I can't pinpoint what it is but I feel I will lose my mind at times. On the surface I am a "normal" functioning member of society, but underneath I feel strange, like an alien or someone who is not supposed to be here, living the life I am. Like it is somehow fake. Even though it is something that I, on my own, have worked towards. I know it is cause of our upbringing but I don't know exactly what it is that is causing my inward "insanity" or what to do about it. I think I have dealt with my past. I have acknowledged it. I have grieved it many many times. But when does the grieving end. When do you get to let it all go and be "normal"? I don't know if we ever will. "Normalcy" is something I have strived for for the past 10 years but I can't say I think it will ever come. I don't know what to do about it. Sometimes I think I should just allow myself to feel "different", because I am. If I accept it, I'll be fine. But "accepting" it makes me sad, angry, depressed and sometimes maniacal. It's hard to describe but I think you may know how I feel.
 
JASONLANIK
 
Reply Sat 3 Nov, 2007 02:31 pm
Re: Can someone please help me reply
wlfbreeze wrote:
I'm lost. I'm walking a fine line between sanity and madness. My family (minus their father) is severly wounded by the damage their dad did to them. Such a long story, like all of yours and I'm so sorry that all of our lives ended up, in there being a need for us to seek each other for support. I can't see through all of this mess. I keep trying to process that my life, my kids' lives, has been sadistically twisted. I can't even believe I'm on this site - this isn't the road that life is suppposed to lead you on. There have been a few moments over the past month where I have actually thought my mind was going to shatter. Then, logic kicks in and tells me I'm the only one they have to keep them safe. I don't want this 'lot' in life and it pisses me off. Someone through me something to let me know, we all get through this. Please.

I also know the feeling and its been 20 years since I left the FI and started making my own descisions in life. I have also managed to live a "normal" life and get by ok. I would accept the past and get on with life and what is logic. I Think alot of our wounds from the past will never heal and we will all be dealing with them mentally for the rest of our lives.
I strongly believe in the power of the mind and the Mind over matter concept. It just takes alot of self discipline and will power to use it. I know its hard and none of us wanted this lot in life either but life goes on.
If God has blessed you with children of your own then you need to be a strong solid parent because like you said you're the only one they have to keep them safe. You have to also keep them mentally safe by holding yourself together and reflect confidence and ability.
If you believe in God then you should remember that he is keeping score and knows our pain. I hope you can find the streanth to get through life and learn to enjoy whats left of it. It's all up to you. Keep in touch and always know that you are not alone here. Jason
Jason
 
BlackELk
 
Reply Sun 4 Nov, 2007 08:24 am
correct.[/quote]I Think alot of our wounds from the past will never heal and we will all be dealing with them mentally for the rest of our lives.
Quote:


From what the research on epigenetics and childhood trauma is telling us, your conclusion is correct. The experience of adverse events during childhood development can and does permanently change the way the brain is structured and functions. When you talk about "mind over matter," what you're really referring to is the ability that humans have to adapt and cope with physiological changes in response to environmental impacts. For example, a man who lost his legs in an accident adapted his locomotion to the point that he was able to walk across the country using his arms and a specially-fitted device for his torso.

Although some wounds may never heal--that is, some traumas create permanent changes in the brain and some aspects of "normal" development are forever lost--people do become very adept at coping with those losses over time. The more you practice, the better you get. Point being, if you live long enough and work at it, you'll reach a place where you are more focused on what you've accomplished than what you've lost. Sounds to me like you're getting there.



 
Anonymous
 
Reply Sun 4 Nov, 2007 07:18 pm
Re:
Hello and thank you. When I ready the first response, I thought maybe I was to vague... vague because it's still a struggle to believe my daughter was abused by her father in the name of love, of God. Sometimes my mind just can't wrap around what had happened.
Whether I give specifics or not, I guess I thought that based upon the nature of why this site exists, I didn't have to give detail. Pain seems to be a universal language, especially when the wounds that caused the pain are similar in nature.
I thank you for your time. Letting me know I wasn't alone. I need that some nights. Peace.
 
Cookie 2
 
Reply Mon 5 Nov, 2007 02:06 pm
yes, pain, just like real love is universal and not something quickly forgotten. don't give up tho. i'm sorry to hear about your daughter. just love her unconditionally and be there for her, and things will get better for both of you. sometimes the trials really do make us stronger. it's unfair that she/we had to go thru some of these things, but since we did, we learn to hold our own a litter faster maybe than if things had been another way. take care. :wink:
 
Anonymous
 
Reply Sat 15 Nov, 2008 11:06 am
Re: Can someone please help me?
You dont have to b in a cult to be abused her father may have done it even if yous werent in the family, just love and support your daughter but rememebr you may feel bad for what has happend to your daughter but imagin what she feels she went through it you must stay strong for her as i am sure u will i send you both my love and thoughts x
 
JimVandari
 
Reply Mon 2 Feb, 2009 07:50 am
Re: Can someone please help me?
Hi wlfbreeze, speaking as a second generation ex member, and a victim of the sexual abuse promoted by Berg, I just want you to know how proud of you I would be if you were my parent. If either one of my parents showed even a fraction of the honesty that you've shown, my own journey would have been alot easier. You should take comfort in the fact that you had the amazing strength to break the hold they had over you and your children. Hundreds of other mothers and fathers were too weak to save thier children and chose instead to perpetuate the lie that is The Family International.
 
JimVandari
 
Reply Mon 2 Feb, 2009 08:28 am
Re: Can someone please help me?
D wrote:
You dont have to b in a cult to be abused her father may have done it even if yous werent in the family, just love and support your daughter but rememebr you may feel bad for what has happend to your daughter but imagin what she feels she went through it you must stay strong for her as i am sure u will i send you both my love and thoughts x


No, you dont have to be in a cult to be abused by someone who should love you platonically not sexualy, but what people who are not familiar with the cult don't realise is the difference between cases of abuse in and outside of a cult.
In most cases of sexual abuse commited againt a minor, the perpetrator is a family member. A parent, relative or friend of the family. the child is usually threatened in some manner to keep quiet and not tell anyone, to hide it from the people the child loves and respects, immediatly allowing the child to recognise that what's happening is WRONG.
However, in the cult it was completely different. They dismantled the family unit of parent and child, essentialy giving ownership of the children to the cult Leadership.Combined with total isolation from any other information or influence other than cult doctrine. One of their CENTRAL doctrines being that Sex with minors is deemed ok by God himself spoken through the "Prophet" David Berg.
Imagine now the helplessness and state of confusion a young child being sexualy abused in an environment where EVERYBODY tells them that not only is this abuse OK, but also that it is commited out of Love. And any child or adult complaining of said abuse was SEVERELY punished, usually publicly humilated and broken down before being isolated and punished further. Often combined with acusations of Demon Possesion and traumatic exorcisms.
These were NOT a few isolated incidents... it was the NORM.

After they allegedly made it an official policy that sexual abuse was all of a sudden not ok in the mid '80s, it was unofically understood by ALL members that offical policy was only policy to appease the "Systemites" (similar concept to the gentiles of the jewish faith) or government officials who weren't open minded enough to recieve "The Word" (A term given to Bergs ramblings). After this it became VERY popular in the group to commit all manner of abuse except sexual, (although the sexual abuse continued just not openly) in an attempt to instill a fear of talking to Outside Authorities. An organised crime in my opinion. This organised terror campaign (begining with Mene) sadly prevented hundreds of children (including myself) from testifying against them in court during the many legal procedings brought against the cult.

Anyways, my heart goes out to you and your family and I know that anything the future holds in store for you will be infinitly better than if you hadn't made the extremly admirable and difficult choice of leaving the cult and giving your children a REAL loving and caring home.
 
Thorwald 1
 
Reply Wed 4 Feb, 2009 02:26 am
Re: Can someone please help me?
JimVandari wrote:
After they allegedly made it an official policy that sexual abuse was all of a sudden not ok in the mid '80s


Not that you claimed as such, but can we please stop "mentioning" (or implying) that they made sex by adults with minors an excommunicable offense an official policy in the "mid '80s". It was _not_ in the mid '80s, it was more like the _end_ of the '80s. I remember, quite distinctly, when one of my sisters turned 12 (in 1987) that one of her birthday "presents" was a "date" with a man our parents' age. I also remember when they finally sat all of us SGAs down and said "no more sex" and this was in 1989. As you wrote, however, it was explained that there was "nothing wrong with it" and that we just need to "be careful" because of the "Antichrist Systemites", etc. The sex continued, of course. I know. I saw it happening and I experienced it.

Anyway, sorry for the rant. I just wish to stop the oft-repeated: "we stopped it in 1986" (or whatever year they claim). It continued well after the mid '80s.
 
JimVandari
 
Reply Wed 4 Feb, 2009 09:39 pm
Re: Can someone please help me?
Yes, you're right, I should have been more clear. When I used the word "allegedly" I was trying to imply that despite the fact that the cult claims they put this policy in place in the mid '80s it was definately NOT the case. I too remember adult men having sex with underage girls right up to the mid 90's when I left. And women with underage boys too.

Also insted of saying "Although the sexual abuse continued just not openly" I should have included the word "as", to make it "Although the sexual abuse continued, just not AS openly."

It was one big joke to them and still is to this day. They do not disagree with ANY of Berg's teachings and never will.
 
Thorwald 1
 
Reply Sat 2 May, 2009 02:18 am
Re: Can someone please help me?
JimVandari wrote:
They dismantled the family unit of parent and child, essentialy giving ownership of the children to the cult Leadership.


The above was very nice put. This is exactly what they did and on a repeated basis with many families. That was, yet another, form of abuse. Another thing I wish we, and the media, would focus more upon is that not all abuse was sexual (though it was certainly a major factor). There was also mental, physical, psychological, lack of education, improper access to medical resources, etc. forms of abuse. I would even claim that these were the more common forms. I am not, in any way, diminishing the truly terrible sexual abuse . . . it was just not the full story and I wish more was said about it.
 
JimVandari
 
Reply Wed 6 May, 2009 04:21 am
Re: Can someone please help me?
I agree, it angers me that whenever there's a court case against them the focus is always on the sexual abuse not all the other forms of abuse which we were subjected to. The charity work they claim to do doesn't involve financialy helping people outside the cult. The children are a mobilised slave workforce of beggers working for an international crime ring of thieves who by thier own admission live outside the law. I remember going to third world countrys and taking money from people never giving any back. Making your kids sing someone a song or "saving" somebodys soul (for a donation, of course) doesn't put food in thier stomachs, and certainly doesn't justify making millions of dollars from from the blood sweat and tears of of thier child labour workforce. That's why we didn't get any education, we were too busy making money that wouldn't be spent on us or anyone else in the communities around the various cult compounds who needed financial assistance much, much more than helping the elderly Fabian and the Artful Dodgers create a bigger and crazier band of thieves and oh yeah on top of that and everything else, they're peadophiles too.
 
 

 
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