Also known as the Children of God and the Family of Love, these folks are the reason most of us know the word "cult" today. We say accept no substitute when you want to devote your life and soul to a group of societal outcasts.

Most famous for giving sex a more prominent role in their beliefs than your average Amish, the Family has a tradition of religious prostitution. While suckers at regular churches handed out pamphlets threatening you with Hell if you didn't go to Church, the Family used positive reinforcement by having people fuck you to convert you, a marketing ploy that could probably sell anything from sandwiches to shoes full of broken glass.

Since they decided to take an official stand against sexual child abuse, which they happily claim to have stopped a full 18 years after they were founded in 1968 (really, who knew child molestation was wrong before 1986?).

They also take a stand on sexuality believing that it's cool for chicks to be bi. But only if a dude is there, which is something Jesus probably would have said if he'd thought of it. Also of note: that this cult exists in the real world and not a porno, though we can only guess at what inspired it.

Like most Christian-based religions, the Family loves Jesus. Unlike most, they feel they literally love Jesus. During sex or masturbation, women are encouraged to imagine it's Jesus working his magic on them. Men, as you may expect, are encouraged to imagine they are women, so as not to seem gay when they think of Jesus doing them. You didn't expect that? Neither did we. But, we try to always keep an open mind.

In fact it's nice to know that as a member you'd be way closer to the Lord than most people claim to be. Way, way closer.