touchy subject

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Reply Sat 21 Oct, 2006 10:27 am
touchy subject
Embarrassed hello,
i am new to this board so please bear with me. i have a real anxiety problem with my wife having pelvic exam or breast exam from male doctor. i dont know why this bothers me so bad, as i realize they are doing their job, but i have been this way even from my first marriage.(when i was 18, now i am 37). I actually made her switch to a female ob/gyn! i am not really a jealous kind of man, it doesnt bother me even if i know someone is flirting with her. but we have had 3 children already, and due another one, and i have asked that she also change to a female ob/gyn, after she explained her last visit to me. evidently he examed her with no one in the room, took longer than normal for the bimanual portion(thats where the doctor sticks his fingers in her vj ), was so pre-occupied he forgot to do the papsmear and had to redo that part, and it went clear through me, i became enraged so bad that i was depressed for several days afterwards. until finally my wife asked what was wrong, and i told her. she was understanding, she told me she would be willing to consider switching doctors since it botherd me that bad, but it is still bothering me, i cant concentrate on my job or anything because i am so obsessed with this. when we had our second child, the doctor used her to train a medical student, i had no idea, so when he showed up to deliver the baby in addition to the other guy, i was very uspset,i asked him to leave the room, but no one complied to my pleadings, and the guy wound up delivering our baby,i really felt betrayed after my wife explained that he had been present during examinations as well. that still bothers me. i dont know how to deal with this emotion, it is such a POWERFUL feeling of hate that i do not experience other wise. My wife and I have had intimacy problems through out our relationship, she is a little overweight so she would never let me see her naked, i think she is relly attractive to me. we have been married for five years and she still has yet to let me really "check it out". the doctors have seen more of her than I have. I suppose that this could be one of the roots of my anger about this male doctor thing, especially when we are at the hospital and i am asked to leave the room while my wife is left naked with men in the room to prepare her for the c-section. is there a way to keep other men out of the room? can you alter the consent forms to exclude all males from the room while my wife is exposed? that is my wife, and i truly feel like those "health professionals" are stealing my intamacy away from me. I dont have anyone to talk to about this, (who could you tell?) when we go to the hospital i have visions of men running around looking for any excuse to put the fingers you know where,shaving her pubic hair and sticking cathoders and stuff up there. i have even considered trying to get our consent forms modified to exclude all male staff from the delivery room. am i the only one that feels this way? i have searched the internet to try and find similar situations and came up with nothing. if anyone has any serious input i would like to hear it. i only have a few months to go. i have searched all the way to my childhood to find some event that might be triggering this emotion, but i cant remember anything on this scale. I have prayed about this everyday, but i have almost come to the conclusion that maybe i am supposed to feel this way about my wife. to me it is wrong for another man to perform this level of intimate contact with another mans wife. it really feels like this whole male doctor thing has been forced on us, even if we switch to a female ob/gyn, we have the hosptial staff to contend with, like the radiologist, the anasthetic doctor, and no telling who else while my wife is being preped for the c-section. HELP! ADVICE! please no vulgar comments about this posting. I would appreciate some serious input, and if anyone has gone through this, how did you deal with it? if you are a doctor how did you deal with the husband?

thank you all GOD bless
if anyone needs a visual of why i feel this way go to the following link and browse through it.
Edit [Moderator]: Link removed
 
Deirdre 1
 
Reply Thu 26 Oct, 2006 06:14 pm
I am sorry for your sadness and discomfort...
Dear Mr Panic...

Maybe both you and your wife need to have counelling. I undersand your concern that doctors see more than you, it is their job, but what about you playing to be doctor and ask your wife to role play with you...?

If you can gain your wife's confidece, maybe she will not feel so asamed of herself. I am slightly over weight, but I would never deprive my husand of the simple pleasures of enjoying what he loves, my body...

Hopefully you can find a happy medium and talking about things makes it real and might make it better. Hoping you have already had a talk with your wife too..

All the best, Dee
 
 

 
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