I know you said that you didn't want ER stories, but this is just too funny not to share!!!
I was helping out in ER on a busy Saturday night about 20 years ago. A guy was brought in from a local disco club via the squad. Seems he had danced around so much that he passed out. When he came in, he had on those skin tight PVC pants and the "bulge" was huge. The pants were so tight that they had to be cut off him.( He was still unconscious at this point.) After cutting the pants off, we discovered what the huge bulge really was!! He had taped an Italian sausage to his thigh!!!!
When he wokw up and discovered where he was, well, needless to say his face was very red!!! He did not even ask for his sausage back when he was dismissed!!!!

hahaha, funny stories, I could remember while I was still a nursing student, we had our duty in the ORthopedic ward, it was getting smelly, I suggested to the companion of one patient to buy some coal (so it would absorb the moisture and lessen the smell), suddenly she came up to me and said "where would I start the fire, under his bed?" hahaha!

I read the funny stories which made I laugh too long and too loud. I am sure I have some funny stories during years of working ,but I cant remember . I will more story in this forum when I have one or remember one . HE HE HA HA

Drunk Patient
Here is a funny one.....About 4am I got an ETOH patient up from the ER on my floor, I had to do an assessment and all that admission paperwork on him which was basically like me interviewing him.....WELL....this guy, who had a blood alcohol level of .45...he decided to tell me that he was the lead singer in the rock band KISS....yes, I said it...KISS.....so i am trying to be professional with him but he keeps telling me this....and he kept standing up in the hallwasy singing "i want to rock and roll all night" and the whole floor of us nurses were just cracking up. I will NEVER forget that for as long as Im a nurse.....I can see him in his hospital gown, singing in the hallway with his naked bare butt hanging out....SO FUNNY!!

A funny story...
Years and years ago I had a patient come in for "minor surgery". Since he doctor thought he would be "in and out" he let her keep her panties and sweat pants on. Well, the surgery was taking much longer than the MD had anticipated so at the end he asked us to do a quick in and out catheter to empty her bladder. Well to our disbelief our patient was only a female from the waist up- down below she/he was all male. Yup there was a "John Thomas" in her panties. To this day I will never forget the look on her doctor's face. It was priceless. :wink:

Funny...
Ok...I see a pattern of funny stories about the patients. But I can't help it...I have one about myself. I was in clinical working with my pt on the floor. Well, I was bending over to plug in his electric razor, and when I stood up, I heard a sound resembling dropping a pin on the ground. I looked around to see if I had dropped anything, and all of a sudden my bra goes flying off to opposite sides of my chest (VERY obvious) and it HAD to be a male pt I was caring for!!! (Embarassing either way...) My jaw dropped about three feet. It was the middle clasp of a push up bra that happened to break off. I said, "Excuse me" as best I could while I ran down the hallway to the closest bathroom. Ahhh yes, the funny stories are what carries you through.

I work in an acute psychiatric hospital and many of our patients are court committed. On on of the units we have a patient who has been there about 4 months. This is unusually long and she is always up at 4:30 am and talks to us all. She is a dificult patient to place as she is mildly MR and has a severe mental illness. One of our night supervisors was terminated earlier this week and when the patient was talking to me the other morning she stated, " I am sooo proud of John, he went to court and finally got the judge to let him go" Apparently, she thinks that we are also committed here and can not leave unless the judge lets us. It just cracked me up.