Why are some nurses so bitchy !!!!!!

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Reply Mon 16 Jan, 2006 10:01 pm
Why are some nurses so bitchy !!!!!!
I'm a new grad. I currently work in the Operating Room. As a student I came across so many teachers and nurses who were unsupportive and downright mean. Some played dirty and were only interested in making you do everything without helping or guiding and then getting you in trouble for doing something wrong or not as they would.

I have begun my second job as a nurse. I am beginning to slowly realize that this is just the "nursing culture". This is what I was told by my nurse educator. She basically told me put up with it or maybe nursing isn't for me. I'm sick and tired of going to work frightened that today might be the day I get the nurse who likes to eat her young. I'm sick and tired to death of being sick and tired .. of the stress. Its more stressful to deal with nurses than the actual job itself. I'm sick and tired of listening to nurses bitch and complain and gossip about each other and other staff memebers instead of trying to help. I'm sick and tired of HATING A JOB THAT I COULD REALLY LOVE IF EVERYONE JUST FUKKIN LEFT ME ALONE AND HELPED ME AND ENCOURAGED ME AND IF I COULD JUST FEEL SAFE AROUND THEM.

What is it with nurses anyways? Why is it that surgeons .. doctors will stand by each other even when they hate each other and bicker behind closed doors and nurses air out all their dirty laundry and are rude to each other so everyone else thinks you're fair game too. Its not just me. Its so many people.

I love nursing. Honestly I love my job when all that other BS isn't involved. There are days that could be wonderful if everyone just worked together as a team and were able to trust each other instead of looking for the next scape goat.

What is this chip on their shoulders. I'm currently considering other career options. I don't want to work for another 20 or 30 years and end up like these old nurses that are bitches to everyone. I see nurses who have only been there a year who have become like this. I think its borderline harassment. Thats what everyone else says. I made the decision to think of other career options when I started realizing that all the good people who were supportive and helpful were in the same boat as me. I'm sorry I don't want my job to turn me into a mean bitch who eats her young.

I am looking for some sort of insight here. Honesty would be appreciated. Thank you. I look forward to hearing from you all.
 
Ginger Snap
 
Reply Tue 17 Jan, 2006 01:33 am
Nurses in certain specialties are:

1. Perfectionists
2. Passive or Passive Aggressive Types
3. Task-oriented

This results in 3 common behavior types:

The Whiner
The No Person
The Nothing Person

When working with Impossible People we have 4 choices:

Stay and do nothing
Vote with your feet
Change our attitudes
Change our behavior[/b]

There are consequences with each choice. If you vote with your feet and move into another career, you need to accept that Whiners exist in every profession, and that you may also have to deal with different difficult behaviors (Tanks, Snipers, Grenades, etc). Sooner or later you are going to have to learn how to deal with Impossible People.

Quote:
Whiners feel helpless and overwhelmed by an unfair world. Their standard is perfection and no one and nothing measures up to it. While some complaining can be therapeutic for the complainer, and some can be helpful to the listener, lots of complaining is simply wallowing. This is the Whiner's specialty. The Whiner's complaints have little to do with stress relief, and are rarely helpful. The Whiner's behavior occurs as a result of their need "to get it right". While they have a sense that things should be different, they have no idea how this should happen. So, instead of taking action, they whine.

Your goal with Whiners is to form a problem-solving alliance, and if this doesn't work, your goal is to make them go away! The best thing that you can do for people who feel helpless when they encounter difficulty is to diminsh their helplessness by working with them to identify solutions.

To work effectively with Whiners (which sounds like some of the behavior your dealing with) requires some specific strategies. Here are some suggestions:


    [b]Listen for the main points in their complaints[/b] Listening to a Whiner complain is probably the last thing you want to do. But it is a crucial first step. This proves to the Whiner that you're listening and ensures that you recognize the complaint if the Whiner tries to recycle it.

    [b]Interrupt and get specific[/b] Take command of the conversation and ask clarification questions to get to the specifics of the problem. If your Whiner isn't able to be specific, suggest that he or she go out and gather more information.

    [b]Shift the focus to solutions[/b] Because Whiners often complain in vague generalizations, they don't usually look at problems long enough to start thinking of solutions. Asking them what they want can get them to start to move their minds in an entirely different direction.

    [b]Show them the future[/b] When people feel helpless, it's constructive to give them something to look forward to. Offer to set up a meeting with the person they are complaining about or simply set a time to discuss the problem further. You may find it helpful to suggest that they come to back you with possible solutions within a specific time frame.

    [b]Draw the line[/b] If the previous steps haven't produced a real change, it may be necessary to draw the line. If your Whiner begins the complaint cycle again, shut him or her down. Make it clear that talking about problems without solutions isn't a good use of your time . . . or anyone's.


    [b]Don't agree or disagree with Whiners[/b] If you agree, it simply encourages them to keep whining; if you disagree they may feel compelled to repeat their problems

    [b]Don't try to solve the Whiner's problem[/b] You won't be able to solve their problems; you will need their participation

    [b]Don't ask Whiners why they are complaining[/b] They'll simply see this as an opportunity to start over again.

Finally, I would encourage you to think about staying and becoming a positive role model for other new grads who join your unit. If enough of you hang together and become problem solvers, you can eventually turn the atmosphere of the unit around. Should your influence become great enough, you can become part of the hiring process and look for nurses with a different personality type.
 
adamzaman
 
Reply Sat 21 Jan, 2006 12:02 pm
Re: Why are some nurses so bitchy !!!!!!
BrownSugar wrote:
I'm a new grad. I currently work in the Operating Room. As a student I came across so many teachers and nurses who were unsupportive and downright mean.
What is this chip on their shoulders. I'm currently considering other career options. I don't want to work for another 20 or 30 years and end up like these old nurses that are bitches to everyone.


Am thinking about becoming a adult nurse in the uk.

Dont be so amazed - many, female nurses (lectures/students) have show big time animosity towards me. As i found out during the open day at uni. It must be a man thing - men entering a female world or something...Not

Sad thing is, its the same everywhere! As engineering graduate ive been turned down for jobs for not being under qualified or lack of experiecne BUT Twisted Evil for not fitting in! As a muslim male - most engineering firms employ white middle age men...i have no chance.
i cant get the experience, b'cuz no one willing to give me a chance!

My advice is. Follow the proper channels, report abuse, small or large incidents. Be smart pick and chose your battles, you dont want to be singled out! If that dont work, sue them!!! Go the citizens advice bureu!

Finally carry on learning, go for management postions, teach!
 
rascal
 
Reply Sat 21 Jan, 2006 12:44 pm
hello. having experience with incredibly difficult people in my life time, I would like to offer a couple pointers. One whom I was married to for 10 years.
Ignore the loudness - tone of what is being said. Instead listen for the validity of what is being said. Judge whether this complaint or that complaint is expressing this persons need, or displaying his/her own insecurities-or faults. And with a proper calmness and tack, You can answer in a positive manner that might example a proper response.
Some items being said are not answerable but a person can say something compassionate like. wow, that really seems to be bothering you alot. Could you find the proper person that you could discuss this with that might have an answer for you?
Some items being said are because the person just isnt very happy in life. And no additional things we say could change thier happiness. Consider the source and realize, they arent happy and I cant be the one to make them happy. So, in this instance, I just listen and dont say anything back. And continue to be available to be that shoulder to cry on. But my patients take priority and watching what I say and do, takes priority. I am busy watching what i say and do and not participating with the negative.
as far as gossip, my best response to gossip is to let them believe what they want, prove them wrong by my good actions on the job. And let their own mouths bury them. Gossipers usually will bury theirselves. And when I hear gossip start, I normally find a bathroom cuz I have to suddenly go. Or I find a patient that I can care for while they are gossiping.
By concentrating on my own actions, words, and responses, I am usually too busy to be overly concerned with the yuck around me. If I can be a "light" in a dark environment, maybe others will follow. But it is our choice how we behave and how we respond. It is their choice how they behave and respond.
There are unhappy people anywhere you go. I would like to be a happy one shining brightly and helping others shine bright also.
I might not be able to change them , but I can be an example how to respond, or how to enjoy a little sunshine in life. It is a choice we make. Are we gonna use today to be a source of help and positive influence?
Or are we gonna be negative and destructive today?
Bloom where we are planted and shine brightly where you are.
If we help.......ONE.....today, we have done our job. And isnt it great if we have the chance to help more than one? I am learning to be a nurse so I can be a help to as many as I am in contact with. whomever that I may come in contact with.
I hope today, I could know that any portion of this could of offered you some encouragement or help. Stay the course. Focus on why we are there (to help), and God bless you
Thank you nurses for all you do. I am your cheerleader !!
rascal
 
BrownSugar 1
 
Reply Thu 26 Jan, 2006 04:33 am
So today I finally blew up at one of these nurses .. she in particular has given me a really ahrd time and I suspect she set me up for an incident that occurred today. Then she proceeded to tell me that what I was doing was BAD REALLY BAD and shook her head at me violently while I was scrambling to find something .. I suspect she took the item that I was looking for .. as it was nowhere to be found .. and it was there .. I"m positive .. anyhow she started complaining about stuff in general and dissaproving and being rude and obnoxious .. so I let her have it in front of everyone .. the docs .. the nurses .. it was HORRIBLE and unprofessional .. but I"m at my wits end .. I don't know what to do anymore .. i want to leave nursing all together .. what am I going to do .. I cna't work with this person but I"m being told basically I have no chioce ..I can stay and deal with it or leave .. I feel horrible .. afterwards she came and cried and said she knew she was horrible and she never wanted to be one of "those" nurses. I dont care .. I'm tired .. I have chronic fatigue syndrome .. I have personal problems .. I"m insecure .. I"m new and get told off all the time .. I have to accept my mistakes .. but I dont take it out on others at work .. but I can't take bullying anymore .. I have a feeling I will be disciplined for wht I've done now .. it seems STUID .. I feel horrilbe and I want to leave nursing .. I LOVE my job .. I hate the people .. anyone have any solutions .. experiences they can share with me .. thanxz
 
rnalso
 
Reply Thu 26 Jan, 2006 09:56 am
I feel you
Sweetie, I am so sorry that you have had such a bad experience with your fellow nurses. I work on a med/surg floor two days a week and in surgery two days a week. The surgery arena is different than any other area I have worked in. I don't know how new nurses survive in it. I had been a nurse for four years before going into the OR and I was ready to run out of the place after six months. The doctors are tiny gods that don't appreciate the nurse, the nurses are not helpful and the mean ones are very lazy and good at getting out of work. I am still working the OR. I find the very few good nurses that are willing to help when I have a problem and only go to them. I don't expect any thing from the ones that are mean and nasty and do not associate with them. I am curteous and will say good morning but I don't talk to them. I do my job to the best of my ability and stay to myself. I eat my lunch alone. I read on my lunch. Nursing is great but working the OR is not what I call nursing. You are really just there to set up the room, wait on the surgery team hand and foot, and keep your pt. safe. That is why I do two days on the floor. That is real nursing. I enjoy taking care of my patients. Surgery isn't for every one. I even turned in my resignation after six months and got talked into doing two days a week with a neuro sugeron that no one else wants to work with because he yells so much. But I enjoy the rest of the team so I am there. I like the variety of working the floor and the OR. The OR really isn't pt. care. At least isn't what I consider pt. care. Please don't give up on nursing. We need you in the field. I don't know how old you are but there comes a time when you just can't expect any thing from people except common curtesy. Nursing is so vast an area. Please stay with it and find an area you will enjoy. There are mean and nasty nurses in all areas but that is just who they are. You are going to find mean and nasty people every where. Just because they are nurses doesn't mean they are caring and kind to every one. Be the best you can be and don't interact with people you don't like. Be curteous but you don't have to be friendly. It is the way I work. But I am 48 years old. I have been a nurse for six years. I am at the point in my life where I don't care what many people think of me. I only answer to me and the Lord. I hope you stay in nursing.
 
BrownSugar 1
 
Reply Thu 26 Jan, 2006 11:23 am
Thank you everyone, especially rnalso. Since I've started working in the OR I've changed. I knew at some point I would snap at work .. I have started being snappy at home and with friends even at times so it was only a matter of time. I've decided the solution is to start working part time .. take courses in ohter areas of nursing while I work there .. because I can't afford to not work. I have experience now I like my job I think its intersting .. I love getting scrubbed and getting up close to see whats going on. I think the stress is getting to me though.

Why does management not do anything about these people .. discipline them or whatever. I am now going to be labelled a trouble maker. Thats great. I hope I will get a good reference when I apply for other casual positions now to supplement my part time one. I never thought I could be this unhappy working as a nurse. Why are they becoming like this its like if you can't beat us join us .. I find younger nurses starting to imitate some of these older rude nurses. Oh well I appreciate your comments .. I'm 29 btw.
 
rnalso
 
Reply Thu 26 Jan, 2006 11:46 am
Hey Sweetie, I love scrubbing in too. I feel like I am really doing something special. The OR is a different place. I am sorry that you think you might be labeled a trouble maker. Don't worry about that. If you acted unprofessionally then write up the incident the way you saw it happening. Keep it. You may need it the future if they want to discipline you for the incident. Write up what the nurse said to a little later with her apology. Accept the apology and do the best you can when working with her. I don't really have the cut throat attitude to be in surgery but so far I have managed to survive. I take the yelling and the poorly set up rooms and just keep it to myself. I did last week write up a neuro surgeon for "raging" in my face. It was the second time he had yelled in my face and I did not say anything to him. I wrote it up, let the neuro coordinator know what happened and the nurse educator and left it at that. I won't refuse to go into his room but I know the next time I do I will probably say something and it won't be in a professional way. Write down what goes on. I have a scrub tech that has written every thing down and when they called her in the office for some infraction she had every thing written down. Management wasn't happy about it but they didn't write her up. I find management in nursing to be very poor. They take nurses that have done a job for a period of time and then make them management with no formal training or even evaluation of their management skills (if they have any). The OR I work in has several chiefs and very few indians. I can't bring myself to work any more than the two days there even tho we need more help. The best thing about nursing is that there are so many different avenues you can go into. I've done floor nursing, dialysis, and now surgery. I think I would like hospice so in a couple of months I will quit the OR and do hospice. If I don't like it then I will try something else. The experience will be worth looking into. I wish you the best. Kill your problem nurse with common curtesy. Do you do all your cases with this nurse?? Do you have teams?? I am on a neuro team. Maybe you can switch. When my doctor is done for the day then I go where they send me. gyn, gen., picc lines, ent. Not in my comfort zone but I go. I wish you the best. You will find something that you love. You are a nurse. That is who you are not just what you do.
 
BrownSugar 1
 
Reply Thu 26 Jan, 2006 02:27 pm
What is dialysis like .. is it same stresses as OR .. right now i'm taking part time courses for Occupational Health Nursing ..
 
rnalso
 
Reply Thu 26 Jan, 2006 05:18 pm
Dialysis is very little stress. You have a "bay" and there are so many chairs in the bay. You have pts that come every Monday, Wednesday and Fridays, and others that come every Tuesday, thursday, and saturday. You don't work on sundays unless it is before a holiday because you will have the holiday off. You do the same basic thing every day you work. Cannulize the pts with 16 ga needles. Draw blood once a month from their access. monitor lab vaules and their dry weight. you get to know your pts and they get to know you. you can even watch TV with them. every two pts have a tv they share. you get five weeks vacation/pto time with the very first year you work. you have techs that help with the monitoring of the pts and starting the hemodialysis machines. It is a really good job. I worked with a nurse that told me she hated nursing and that is why she loved dialysis so much. There is a place for every one. Check into it. Most facilities start at 0630 and if they run 3 shift the latest you will be there is 2100. Very little stress. check it out. I worked at Fresinus. There is renal care as well. wish you the best
 
peaches 1
 
Reply Sat 28 Jan, 2006 03:00 pm
Job Stress.
You MUST get out of that situation soon. You cannot be under that much stress for long. This is serious. There is a such thing as harrassment on the job, and it sounds like you are being harrassed. When you are under that much stress, you cannot think clearly, you cannot learn properly, and you are more likely to make a mistake. Right now, you need to put yourself first. I am not sure that classes are the answer, isn't that adding more stress to you right now? Don't get mad at me, but also think about having your thyroid checked, you may get more stressed out or upset because of an over or under active thyroid. Also, you may need to be on anti-depressants such as paxil to control anxiety. Write stuff up yourself and keep a copy of home. If an incident happens like you described, write it up and ask that a copy be kept in your file. I would worry about my license. Unfortunately, bad things do happen to good people. I personally wouldn't worry about school right now; I would find a job that I liked, and most importantly, a job where the other employees are honest and nice. If your Director of Nursing or Chief Nursing Officer, whoever, cannot help you or stand up for you now, what will he/she do in case of a real problem, like a lawsuit? It may just be the area where you live, we don't have much of a problem with mean nurses where I have worked, but unfortunately, you probably do have to work in the area in which you live. When I was a new RN (I had never been an LPN or an aide, had never worked in a medical environment) I had to work with two black LPN's under me. For a year, I endured their meaness and bad attitude toward me. And trust me, I am NOT a racist. But they were hard-working people, and after a while they softened just a little. I hated going to work everyday, but finally transferred somewhere else and loved my job. Good luck to you, dear. There are plenty of good nurses who care about you. Very Happy
 
BrownSugar 1
 
Reply Sat 28 Jan, 2006 04:09 pm
So I went to the manager, as well as the nurse educator. I told them I wanted to go part time. My manager however was against it as she feels my clinical skills would suffer .. but she was supportive in other respects. I think she's right .. but I guess I shall just as for a couple LOVs this year to get a bit of a break from it.

I spoke to the particular nurse who gave me a hard time. She said she never wanted to be like that and was quite emotional. She's got her own stuff going on .. physically and whatnot. Its not fair however to bring it to work. I have stuff going on too. She and I aren't aruging anymore but I still don't trust her. It doesn't matter, I'm going to trudge along and try to do my best. Its sad but this is the reality right now. My personal life is suffering .. I've started smoking again .. and I've been gaining weight, drinking on weekends a lot .. I know I have to take care of myself but right now .. I guess I need to give it some more time here. I think this might be one reason why nurses become mean nurses as they get older .. just a thought. Thank you everyone for your input and help .. I appreciate it.
 
HeatherLPN
 
Reply Tue 31 Jan, 2006 09:15 am
I worked at a place like that and thought maybe nursing wasn't for me b/c the other nurses were so hateful and bitter. I quit without even having another job. One day I was driving home and I told myself that was the last time I would cry all the way home. I turned in my resignation the next day and went and filled out applications. It didn't take long for me to find another job--with nurses who are helpful and kind and respect that I have experience with things that they don't. I enjoy where I work now so much more. Sure, there are rough nights, but it's still 100% better than working with people that make you feel inferior and like you have nothing to offer the facility. Don't leave nursing b/c of a few old bags that want to see you fail. Look for another job and see how that goes first. To think I almost gave up a career I love b/c of nasty people Embarrassed
 
butterfly81
 
Reply Sat 4 Feb, 2006 11:10 pm
I have come across lazy and difficult nurses and had to speak my mind a couple of times. alot of this nurses are not happy with their job and try to take it out on everyone else. Just make these people examples of what you don't want to be and be a great patient advocate and always put your patients first and make their hospital experience memorable one than a miserable one. Very Happy
 
BrownSugar 1
 
Reply Sun 5 Feb, 2006 03:22 pm
Well things seem to be a bit better. Unfortunately I have to accept that people in this profession can be quite cruel. I'm working on my first course in occupational health nursing which I'm quite happy with as I"m hoping that career can be much more self directed and more time working one on one with people as opposed to working in a team. I'm a hard core team player. In my other positions I loved working as part of a team. That was definately somethign I looked forward to in OR nursing. Unfortunately its really left a bad taste in my mouth. I"m hoping to go part time sometime this year and try a bigger hospital. I heard there is less backbitting as its much bigger and people there just kinda stick to themselves. I dont know how true that is but I'm going to be applying to the biggest hospital here and in another city probably by the end of this year. I will have been at this hospital a year and a half by then.

Anyhow good luck to everyone Smile. MUCH HAPPIER now hehe. itS ALWAYS good to know you're not alone. I appreciate everyone speaking up and sharing their eperiences with me. Thank you so much.
 
Bmw22822
 
Reply Wed 8 Feb, 2006 10:10 pm
I have been a nurse for three years and found this is a bitchy profession, dont trust anyone if you dont really know them personally outside of work, I have just now started talking to a few people outside of work and am still not completely sure of myself. I love my job, and have found just doing your job to the best of your ability and trying to remember why you wanted to do this, keeps me somewhat sane. I have been feeling the need to vent lately, so I may put some posts up about a few bitches I have. I am sorry you have had a rough start, but try not to get too frustrated. Keep at it.
 
Drussell52
 
Reply Thu 9 Feb, 2006 11:03 am
bitchy others
BrownSugar wrote:
Thank you everyone, especially rnalso. Since I've started working in the OR I've changed. I knew at some point I would snap at work .. I have started being snappy at home and with friends even at times so it was only a matter of time. I've decided the solution is to start working part time .. take courses in ohter areas of nursing while I work there .. because I can't afford to not work. I have experience now I like my job I think its intersting .. I love getting scrubbed and getting up close to see whats going on. I think the stress is getting to me though.

Why does management not do anything about these people .. discipline them or whatever. I am now going to be labelled a trouble maker. Thats great. I hope I will get a good reference when I apply for other casual positions now to supplement my part time one. I never thought I could be this unhappy working as a nurse. Why are they becoming like this its like if you can't beat us join us .. I find younger nurses starting to imitate some of these older rude nurses. Oh well I appreciate your comments .. I'm 29 btw.
Brown Sugar, My empathy to you! I work as a Medical Transcriptionist from home, and get work remotely. Anyhow, I had an "extra grace required" person to work with some time ago and almost quit. Fortunately things changed and I was assigned to be under someone else. That has resulted in me, 1 year later, proceeding with more self confidence and desire to meet the challenges with some difficult dictators. I hope you will have the same fortune to find a setting that is right for you, and you can develop your abilities 1 shift at a time.
David
 
rl 1306
 
Reply Sat 11 Feb, 2006 05:25 pm
OR nursing

Hi BrownSugar and everyone! I'm graduating in May and I an interested in working in the OR thru OR new grad program. However, after reading this.. I'm starting to have doubts. Could you tell me the advantages and disadvantages of being an OR nurse? thanks! Razz
 
kimmiejs
 
Reply Sun 12 Feb, 2006 08:59 pm
The Operating Room environment as far as nursing goes is so different than most area of nursing. To be successful as a RN in the OR you have to be driven, adaptable, fast thinker, etc... Working in the OR can also be very stressful especially when you have a patient going bad on the table or a surgery that is not going well. In my experience there are those that want to have extra help in the OR but they are not willing to help nurses that have never worked in the OR before. Have you ever heard of the "Immaculate Conception" nurse? Well the OR is filled with them. When I worked in the OR I probably went out of my way to make sure I did not behave like them and it was physically and mentally hard on me. In the end it was well worth it when the person that you helped "learn the ropes" turns out to be one heck of an OR nurse.
 
BrownSugar 1
 
Reply Wed 15 Feb, 2006 09:17 am
HI there,

Sorry I took so long to get back to you .. I worked all weekend. I must say I enjoy myjob .. I like working in the OR .. but there are so many personalities to deal with. I wanted to work in a team environment because I"ve always been a great team player and enjoy working with people. What I learned is that if the other players aren't wanting to cooperate and have their own agenda it can make your job much more difficult.

I would say if you really want to do it go ahead, but its difficult, fast paced, you have to think quickly, and be able to put up with a lot of attitude. I have made the decision btw to try getting part time status, as I've found a casual position to supplement it. I have also decided to focus on getting my degree and goign into occupaitonal health or community health nursing. I want to work more independently and one on one with people .. and I'm too young to face a life .. a job for many years where I feel degraded and not wanting to go to work, even though I lvoe it because I'm afraid of who I might end up in the room with. Thats just my little blurb .. hope it helps.
 
 

 
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